Raising Riley: This Is Why We Fight
by AudreyRMiller
Summary: Sequel to "Raising Riley: The Beginning". Set three months after Callie and Arizona adopted their 12 year old daughter Riley. How will the new family deal with the aftermaths of the plane crash? Lots of drama, angst and romance!
1. Author's Note

**For those of you who didn't read "Raising Riley: The Beginning" and don't feel like it – that's okay! Here's a short synopsis:**

Basically the prequel takes place in a world where Arizona never left for Africa, Callie and Mark didn't sleep together and the car accident didn't happen or in other words – no season 7. Callie and Arizona were happily married when they decided to adopt a baby. However, things changed. One day, a beautiful 11 year old girl with shiny light brown hair and glistening grey eyes, landed on their OR table. Slowly the two surgeons got to know the girl; her name was Riley, and she had recently escaped from her foster home after being physically abused for months. They helped her head into recovery and in the process they fell in love with her. Callie and Arizona took the girl into their home, where they showered her with love and care. They built a relationship with Riley and essentially the three became a family. The story ended three months after Callie and Arizona adopted Riley, when Callie got the phone call about the plane crash.

**A few things I wanted to point out about the sequel:**

Personally, I thought season 9 was extremely interesting. There was a lot going on with Callie and Arizona both as separate people and as a couple. So I really wanted to further explore some of what we've seen in that season through my story and these characters. In a way this is my take on season 9 and what I would like to see in season 10.

The prequel to this fiction was pretty light and fluffy with lots of sweet family moments. You've seen Callie and Arizona on their journey into parenthood; you've seen how Riley learned to trust them until they became a strong and united family. And in this story, the strength of their new family will be put to a test as they deal with the aftermaths of the plane crash.

This fic is going to be significantly darker, at least for the first half of it. I really tried to delve into some of the issues that were brought up last season. You're going to see Arizona's recovery, you're going to see Callie take charge and you're going to see how to plane crash affected their relationship. Also, you're going to see an older kid's perspective - Riley's. It's not easy to watch your parent go through a life threatening experience and a lot of kids find themselves in uncomfortable situations as a result of their parent's trauma.

This is not a "Team Arizona" vs. "Team Callie" story or vice versa. There are no victims here. Both characters are flawed. You will hate and hopefully love both characters at some point along the story. This is the kind of story, where things will have to get pretty bad before they could get any better.

Feel free to send me any feedback. Some of you will not be happy with the choices I made for these characters and I understand that. I would love to read your thoughts even if you disagree with me as long as you're being respectful. I've noticed some people on this site can get pretty worked up, so if you feel like this story is too much for you to handle – don't read it.

This is a Callie and Arizona centric story; however you will see appearances from other characters on the show. On the prequel Riley made some pretty strong relationships with Cristina, Mark, Lexie and Alex. And you're going to see more of those relationships and also how some of these characters' deaths affected her too.

Lastly, this story will have a happy ending. And by happy I mean Callie and Arizona will be together, in love and married. They will have some obstacles to conquer, but there will be plenty of romantic, fluffy and maybe even steamy moments.

I promise this story won't be as depressing as I made it sound… just trying to give you guys a heads up because I know season 9 is still pretty controversial.

Oh and English is not my native language. So I apologize beforehand for any spelling mistakes.

Okay, wow. That was a long explanation! Well, I hope you guys will enjoy this story! And keep an open mind!


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** All familiar characters belong to GA

* * *

A yawn escaped from Callie's mouth as she stretched her arms and tried to shake off the exhaustion. She was tired. She hadn't left the hospital in over 24 hours. Not since her wife, and four of their friends, had returned.

Callie took a moment to examine her wife's physical appearance. She had been sitting next to Arizona's bedside of hours, waiting for her to wake up. But the woman lying on that hospital bed, hooked up to so many machines and wires, looked nothing like the Arizona Callie knew and loved.

Arizona's skin was pale, almost grayish in color; probably due to the fact that she was still a bit dehydrated, after not eating or drinking for days. Her face resembled nothing to the angelic features Callie fell in love with; it was swollen, and covered with scrapes and bruises. There were blue and black marks beneath Arizona's eyes; which Callie desperately wished for her to open. She just needed to take a look at those mesmerizing blue eyes; Callie needed to know her wife was still in there somewhere.

Callie continued roaming her eyes across Arizona's body. The blond's chest was hooked up to a cardiac monitor, which followed her stats and vital signs. _At least she's not in pain_, Callie thought as she brushed the IV tube connected to her wife's arm; supplying her with antibiotics, fluids and numbing medicine.

Lastly, Callie took a look at her wife's most severe injury – her left leg. Arizona had an open femur fracture and her leg was currently casted with an external fixator. Typically, Callie wouldn't be so worried about this type of a fracture; as an orthopedic surgeon, she saw many open fractures in her days and she was able to fix them with no problem. But Arizona's condition was different. Since she hadn't received immediate care after the crash and since she was deserted in the middle of nowhere for days, her leg got infected.

Arizona was pulled into surgery the minute she got back from Boise. As Callie was her wife, she couldn't be the one performing the surgery but she watched the whole thing from the gallery, scrutinizing Dr. Schechter's every move. Her colleague tried his best to save as much of the leg and he inserted the fixator to join the bone back together. For now, all that was left to do was monitor Arizona's infection and hope for the best.

Four days. That's how long Arizona was stranded in the woods. That's how long she was missing. That's how long she was thought of as dead.

Callie will never forget the moment she got the call about the plane crash. It was in the middle of the night, 2:00 A.M maybe? And Callie fell asleep after she had been waiting for Arizona to return from Boise, Idaho. Her wife, along with five of their friends/ coworkers (Mark, Callie's best friend being one of them) took a flight to Boise in order to help them out on a conjoined twins surgery; which was once performed successfully in their own hospital.

All day long Callie had a strange feeling in her stomach. Arizona always called her after landing, but this time she didn't. Callie tried not to worry, her wife was in the middle of a complex surgery, she had no time to make such phone calls - but still, Callie's intuition wouldn't leave her alone. And the fact that no one around the hospital heard about her friends since they left worried her even more so. She tried to call Arizona many times, but the blond never answered. Callie tried to call Mark, Derek … Lexie. Neither one answered.

And then she got the call. The call that changed everything. The call that let her know, her wife never made it to Boise. The call that let her know that, not only did her wife's plane crash, but that she was also missing. They had no idea where the plane crashed and if the passengers survived.

For days, search teams scanned all over the area. _For days_, Callie walked around with the feeling her wife might be dead, that her daughter's other mom was dead. That her best friend was dead. She tried to be hopeful, she tried to be optimistic and if not for herself then for Arizona and their friends. Who knew where they were at? Was Arizona injured? Was she in pain? Was she cold? So Callie tried to put on a brave face, for her wife and friends. And most importantly for her daughter, Riley.

Callie turned her view to the girl; she was all curled up in a fetal position, on a folded bed just on the other side of the room. The little girl only learned about the crash yesterday, when Callie found out Arizona was on her way back to Seattle. How could Callie tell their little girl, her mom was in a plane crash and is stuck in the middle of nowhere? How could Callie tell her daughter, her mom and some of the most important people in their life could be dead? So no, Callie didn't tell Riley about the crash; and Callie didn't like herself for it, she didn't like to lie...but there was no other choice.

Riley. Their sweet, energetic and clever Riley. Their 12 year old girl. Three months ago, Callie and Arizona finalized the girl's adoption and after fostering her for months, they were officially a family. The last three months were the happiest times in Callie and Arizona's lives; they had everything they ever dreamed of. And now…everything has changed.

And as if the little girl hadn't been through enough. Callie and Arizona first met Riley when she was brought into the ER in a terrible shape. She was badly wounded, suffering from both internal and external injuries. It was a long road to recovery and in the meantime, Callie and Arizona fell in love with the little girl and eventually took her into their home. The two women later learned that Riley had bounced from numerous foster homes along the years. She had no relatives, her older brother Andrew died a year prior to their meeting and she hadn't seen her biological mother since the one left her when she was a toddler. Apart from that, the girl also lived with an abusive couple that mistreated her physically and verbally.

She was a mess. And the first few months were a real struggle for Callie and Arizona. The girl didn't talk, she didn't eat… she was shy and closed up. But Callie and Arizona didn't back down. And they continued to show her unlimited love, trust and support. Little by little the three connected until they became a family. The girl learned to trust Callie and Arizona and love them as if they were her real moms. She turned out to be a great kid, remarkably intelligent with lots of energy and love for sports. And with her love to Callie and Arizona, the kid fell in love with their profession too. Riley loved everything and anything that had to do with surgery, and she hung around the hospital on a daily basis.

Callie sighed and her expression softened to the sight of her daughter sleeping. Once Riley heard about Arizona's condition, she refused to leave her side. Callie tried to convince her to go home with Bailey or someone else from the hospital but the girl refused persistently. Finally, Callie gave in and brought a folded bed for Riley to sleep on; she swore to wake her up once Arizona does too.

Good thing Riley was sleeping because hours had passed by and yet, Arizona hadn't woken up. Callie was exhausted but she didn't dare to close her eyes. She continued to wait patiently for her wife to regain consciousness and come back to her.

Callie leaned close to her wife. She used her hand to trace small tickles along Arizona's left arm; in spite of what she's been through, Arizona's skin was still soft and delicate. Callie then brushed Arizona's cheek with the back of her hand; she used the lightest pressure, as if she was afraid to hurt Arizona. The blond looked so fragile, so breakable; like the slightest touch would make her fall into pieces. But Callie couldn't help it, she had to feel Arizona, she had to make herself believe that her wife was there - alive and breathing. Callie continued stroking Arizona's beautiful face; and yes - she was still beautiful. Despite all the bruises and marks, she was gorgeous. Callie used her hand to trace Arizona's face, all the way to her jaw line. Lastly, she brushed her thumb over Arizona's pink lips; the lips Callie wanted to kiss so badly.

Callie got up from her seat and leaned even closer. She pressed her lips on Arizona's forehead. "It's time to wake up", she whispered in Arizona's ear and stroked her hair. She resumed kissing Arizona, first on the cheek, then on the nose until she reached her lips.

"Would you wake up for me?",Callie pleaded with a broken voice, her lips never leaving Arizona's skin untouched. If this wasn't going to make Arizona wake up, then Callie didn't know what will.

But Callie didn't give up. She continued pleasuring her wife, whispering sweet nothings in her ear, begging Arizona to wake up so she could look into those bright blue eyes - so she could regain hope.

After a few moments, Callie's loving efforts seemed to finally work. A soft moan escaped for Arizona's mouth as she swallowed and blinked her eyes.

"Callie?" Arizona whispered with a rusty voice; her eyes weren't fully open yet.

"I'm right here", Callie sighed with relief. She then squeezed Arizona's hand in hers, as to let her wife know she's really there.

Arizona turned her head to the side, following her wife's musical voice. Could it be that she was dreaming? Her mind must have fooled her. Snippets and flashing images filled Arizona's head. One moment she was lying on the cold wet ground, in the woods, waiting for her slow death. And the next moment she woke up in a hospital, but a different one - the one in Boise. And now, was she really home?

As Arizona gradually recuperated her consciousness, she suddenly felt a warm hand tightly squeezing hers - Callie's hand.

Arizona tried to squeeze her wife's hand back, but she was too weak. "Callie…I…I'm…" Arizona stuttered; her thought process was still a little sleepy.

"Shhh it's okay", Callie got up again and kissed Arizona's temple. "Everything is going to be okay", she promised.

Arizona finally opened her eyes, sporting those glistening blue eyes Callie wished to see for so long. They took a moment to just stare at one another; each expressing so much without uttering a word. They didn't need to talk, they will have plenty of it later. But for now all that Callie wanted to do, all that Arizona wanted to do, was gaze into her wife's eyes and let her know that she is there.

Meanwhile outside Arizona's room, a crowd consisting of nurses, doctors and other surgical staff had gathered to observe the heartwarming reunion. Owen Hunt was among those people; his face was rigid and full with sorrow at the same time. How could this have happened? He was the one who sent them to Boise. He was the one who sent six of his doctors on that plane. Yet out of those six doctors, five had returned; and three of them were in critical condition.

Callie cupped her wife's cheek and wiped her tears with the tip of her thumb. A smile curled in the corners of her mouth as she continued looking at Arizona.

Arizona rested her hand on Callie's, "Where is Riley?", she whimpered.

Callie chuckled and pointed her finger to the other side of the room. Arizona followed her wife's signal, to where she finally noticed the little girl sleeping soundly.

"She didn't agree to go home", Callie admitted, "It's the only way I got her to sleep"

Arizona gulped as more tears began streaming down her face. There was her little girl, sleeping like an angel. How Arizona feared she would never get to see her daughter again, that she would never get to kiss her or hold her. That she would never get to hear Riley call her _mom_; which would have sucked as Arizona just got used to Riley calling her that and she loved it so much.

Callie quietly observed Arizona's reaction. She couldn't believe how emotional her wife got just from looking at Riley. Arizona's face immediately lit up to the sight of their little girl; her eyes turned a shade brighter and they expressed so much love, longing…and even a tiny bit of hope. Arizona was speechless; she was completely overcome by emotion that she couldn't pronounce a single word. It just made Callie realize that for four days, Arizona had to carry the painful thought she may never get to see their daughter again.

"What are you doing?", Arizona asked when she noticed Callie got up and walked towards Riley.

"I promised to wake her up when you did", the brunette explained.

"It's okay Callie, let her sleep"

"Are you kidding? She waited for you to wake up for over 20 hours"

Arizona let out a soft laugh and rolled her eyes; Riley's reaction didn't surprise her. That kid could be really stubborn at times. Funnily enough, she resembled Arizona in that way.

Callie sat on the girl's bed and brushed the hair off her face. "Wake up baby", she rubbed Riley's shoulder gently.

Callie's voice was barely audible but it was enough to make Riley wake up in an instant. The girl sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"Look", Callie pointed to Arizona.

Riley blinked a couple times, but stayed put. She took a minute to study the person lying on the hospital bed in front of her. Riley recognized her mom, but at the same time she didn't. She knew the person lying on the bed was Arizona, but Riley hadn't expected her mom to be in such a terrible condition and frankly, she was a bit scared to approach her.

Arizona looked at the frightened girl. She could tell Riley was tired; her striking light brown hair was messy and her soulful grey eyes were puffy and red with exhaustion. And Arizona could also tell that her physical appearance along with the fact that she was connected to all those machines might look scary. Riley wasn't used to seeing her like that; Arizona was usually the doctor, not the patient.

"Come here monkey, give me a hug", Arizona forced a smile on her face; it wasn't her usual dimpled magic smile, but it was enough to make Riley realize, it was indeed her.

As Riley heard her mom calling her by her made up nickname, a faint smile bent on her face as well. She got up slowly and walked to Arizona's bed.

Arizona opened her arms; gesturing to the girl that it was okay to hug her. The girl was still hesitant but finally got close enough for Arizona to pull her into a hug.

Arizona put one arm around the girl's back and another one behind her head, pulling Riley closer into a tighter embrace. Riley was a little distant at first, but then she finally let her body loose, closed her eyes and pulled her arms around her mom. Arizona kissed the girl's head and breathed heavily. She had been picturing this moment in her head for four days. That image, along with kissing Callie, is what helped her stay alive and fight for her life.

Callie returned to her sit, next to Arizona's bedside, and watched her two favorite girls reunite. For now, she will focus on the fact that her wife was alive and that their family was still united. For now, she was glad Riley didn't lose her mom. But the warning light in the back of Callie's head wouldn't go off; for she knew the road to recovery was still long.

"Callie?", Arizona turned her head, "What about the others?"

"They're all fine. Umm, Derek will need surgery and Cristina…", Callie shook her head. Riley loved Cristina, the younger woman was sort of like the girl's mentor. How was Callie supposed to let Riley know that the brilliant surgeon she loved so much was getting a one way ticket to the psych ward? "She's umm…still in shock"

Riley pulled a chair next to Arizona's other side and rested her head on her mom's lap. "Can I go see her?", her voice was filled with anticipation.

"Maybe later honey, she's probably still sleeping" ,Callie smiled. The brunette hoped Cristina would get better in a couple days and then she could let Riley see her.

"What about Mark?", Arizona asked cautiously. She already knew he was in a bad shape and she didn't want to worry Riley. The kid had a special connection with him too. Riley loved Mark and she loved spending time with him; and Mark loved her as if she was his own.

"He's critical but they're monitoring him and he's a fighter so…", Callie tried to be positive, especially for Riley. But she was a doctor and she recognized a lost cause when she saw one. It was only time before Callie was going to lose her best friend.

"And Lexie?", Riley lifted her head.

Arizona gave Callie a questioning look and the brunette shook her head in return. She hadn't told Riley yet.

Lexie Grey was dead. She was the only one who didn't make it from the crash; the young woman was already found dead in the woods.

"She's good too" ,Callie fought the lump in her throat. She hated to lie again, but Riley was going through so much. She had nearly lost her mom, she was probably going to lose Mark…maybe even Cristina. Callie couldn't tell Riley that her aunt Lexie was dead. The girl had already seen so much death in her short life…it wasn't fair. Callie planned to let Riley know later, when things would quiet down.

Riley yawned and rested her head back on Arizona's lap. "Good, I'll go visit her later too", the girl mumbled as she closed her eyes.

Arizona resumed stroking Riley's hair gently, and within seconds the girl fell asleep again; she was completely oblivious to the fact that her family, would never be the same.

* * *

**A/N: So yeah, this chapter is also somewhat of a recap. I hope you guys liked the reunion…I was really disappointed that we didn't get to see one in season 9.**

**I pretty much finished writing the first half of this story…it takes me a lot of time to edit, but I expect regular and fairly quick updates from now on.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 2

"Mark, you don't know that –"

"Yes, I do"

"No! Just…don't worry about it for now. All you have to do is rest and focus on getting better and –"

"Torres", Mark's husky voice signaled Callie to stop, "I know it may look like I'm getting better, but it's just a surge"

Callie gritted her teeth, "Stop it –"

"No you stop it! I'm dying. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it! Everyone but Riley. And if I'm really dying, if this is just a surge, then I want to have a talk with her. I want to be the one telling her"

Callie looked at her best friend; she could barley recognize him…lying in the ICU, connect to all of those machines and tubes. But Mark was right. He was dying.

And now they've reached the final stop – the surge. Many terminally ill patients get a sudden surge of energy just before their death; they get better before they get worse. And although Callie tried her best to be optimistic, to be hopeful, the sad truth was that she was losing her best friend. He was dying right in front of her.

"Callie I don't have much time. Please, let me see her"

Callie snorted. Mark Sloan begging? That was something you don't see every day. Callie swore she even saw tiny tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

Callie sighed and returned to her seat, just next to Mark's bedside. "Mark you can't ask me to do that. I can't bring a kid to the ICU, I –"

"Yes you can", the man insisted.

"Mark she's a kid and I… this not the way I want her to remember you", Callie admitted with a broken voice. It was bad enough that she had to see Mark fading before her eyes, but did Riley have to witness it too? She was just a little kid, she was still so innocent. To Riley, Mark was the strongest man in the world. Why ruin that image?

"She's already heartbroken over Lexie. I don't think she could handle losing you now too", Callie added. She was reluctant to tell Riley about Lexie's death, but it was inevitable. So finally, after postponing the dreadful news for a week, Callie told Riley about Lexie's death yesterday; the kid cried herself to sleep that night.

"Don't underestimate her, she's strong", Mark stated with confidence. He then took Callie's hands in his and looked at her devastatingly beautiful brown eyes, "And so are you and Robbins. You guys will get though this"

"This is…this is not the way things were supposed to happen", Callie cried with frustration. "This is not how I thought it would be!"

"None of us did", Mark lowered his view. It killed him to see Callie crying over him like that…and he wasn't even dead yet. But even in his final moments, Mark was going to be there for his girls.

"I mean, who will scare Riley's boyfriends when she'll get older? And…and who am I going to talk to? And –"

"Callie", Mark rested his hand over the woman's shoulder protectively. "You are going to be fine. You have no other choice. Okay?"

"Okay", Callie sniffed her nose. She really did not have any other choice. She had to be "the man in charge" now…with Mark dying and Arizona battling a severe injury.

Callie could feel the weight of the world pressing against her shoulders. She may not have been on that plane, but the crash had affected her personally too. It ruined her family. And for the first time in her life, Callie found herself in a position where she had to be the rock, where she had to be the stable one as things slowly fell apart. And that notion scared Callie more than anything.

"Now go get your kid", the man commanded.

Callie huffed and got up unwillingly. The man asked to talk to Riley as his last wish, how could she refuse?

"Wait Callie – ", Mark grabbed the woman's arm before she could walk away. He then slid a little white card into her palm.

"What's this?", Callie asked with confusion. It was a business card with a phone number and an address of a law firm.

"My lawyer's contact information", Mark explained. "He's supposed to call you after my…umm after I die. But I wanted you to have his phone number just in case"

"Mark what are you talking about?", Callie asked again. What was Mark asking, that she will plan his funeral or something? Because it was a little too soon to talk about it. The man was still alive and breathing… at least for a few more days.

"My will. I have some money saved up, and I want you to have it"

"Are you out of your mind!? – ", Callie began to object. No way was she going to use her dead best friend's money.

"It's not a lot. 4 maybe 5 million? I want you to have it. I want Riley to have it"

"5 million!? Yeah that's not a lot", the brunette stated sarcastically. She almost regretted not going into plastics, 5 million dollars - Geez!

"Mark, I'm not taking your money", Callie claimed.

"Torres. Take the money. Use it to pay for Riley's med school. Buy yourself a nice car", the man teased. He wanted to make sure Callie and Arizona were going to be financially secure. He wanted to know Riley could pay for med school. That money was Mark's entire life savings but he couldn't use it now. So he wanted Callie to have it; that was his way to make sure his family will be taken care of.

"Well…I do need a new car", Callie laughed. Mark was dying, so she wasn't going to argue with him. Even on his deathbed, the man did everything in his power to protect his family.

Callie then went to get Riley, so the girl could say her goodbyes.

* * *

"How you doing kiddo?" Mark greeted Riley cheerfully. "Come here, grab a chair"

The girl cautiously entered the room and slid the door shut. "Callie said you wanted to talk", Riley cut to the chase.

Something felt wrong. Riley didn't know exactly what it was or what made her feel this way; all she knew was that something wasn't right. Something Callie wouldn't tell her, something everybody in the hospital knew about; everyone other than herself.

Riley looked at Mark and studied his expression. Everything about him was different; and Riley didn't know if it was because Mark was really sick, or maybe it was Lexie's death which ought to have affected him greatly. Either way, Mark was not himself.

Mark looked almost…_older_. His blue eyes lacked their usual shine; his blond hair appeared grey all of the sudden. His notorious charming smile, the one so many women in the hospital fell for, seemed faint and lifeless. He looked tired and defeated. That was not the man who taught her how to play baseball and took her out camping; that was not the man who told her dirty jokes behind her moms' backs.

"Yeah there was something I wanted to talk to you about", Mark wished Riley wasn't so straight forward but he assumed she could already tell where this conversation was heading to. Riley was a clever kid and even though Callie tried to hide the truth from her, for Riley's own good, the kid must have figured some it out on her own.

Mark cleared his throat, "Riley, I'm gonna say some things. Things that might be hard for you to hear. But you and I, we've always been honest with each other. So I want you to just…to just listen"

Riley nodded in agreement. It was true - Mark had always been honest with her; it was part of the reason Riley loved him so much. Mark always told her what he was thinking, even when he knew it might be harsh or mean. Mark always treated her as his equal and not some fragile kid; regardless of the situation, Riley knew Mark was always there for her.

"Riley sometimes life sucks. Sometimes life sucks and there's nothing we can do about it. And this plane crash…it really _fucking_ sucks"

The kid let out a small laugh. Arizona and Callie always told Mark to watch his language around her; he didn't seem to mind it now. It was just the two of them.

"But there's nothing we can do about it now", the man added bitterly. He paused for a bit to study the girl's reaction. Riley's expression was thoughtful yet confused; like she was trying to understand Mark's intention but she didn't seem to get it.

"I'm pointing out all of this because I want to prepare you for what is about to happen. What we've been through in the woods…it changed us, all of us, Arizona too. And I want you to understand that from now on, things will be different"

The girl nodded her head again; the way Mark was looking at her was frightening. Mark was serious; his voice was firm and deep. Riley wasn't used to seeing her fun Uncle Mark like that.

Mark swallowed through the pain the suddenly formed in his throat, "and Riley I want to prepare you because I'm not sure I'll be there to help you out"

Riley gasped as the realization hit her, "what?"

She continued to quietly stare at the man lying in front of her. A part of Riley understood what Mark meant, and a part of her denied it. She couldn't…she couldn't lose Mark. What will she do without him? What would Callie do without him?

"Riley I need you to promise me something", Mark couldn't stand breaking Riley's heart like that; but if he was really dying, then he needed to know Riley was prepared. "I need you to promise me you'll take care of your moms"

"Shut up Mark!", the girl yelled. If Mark was trying to mess with her, then it wasn't funny. It wasn't funny at all.

"Riley –"

"No shut up!, Riley yelled again as tears began to fill her eyes. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

She knew what Mark was doing. He was preparing her for his death. But how could it be? He was doing fine, the doctors all said he might actually make it…he was fine. Or was he?

Mark wasn't Riley's dad; but she often thought of him as a father figure. Riley loved her moms, they were the best parents any kid could have; but she never had a dad, she never even met her biological father. Mark was more than just her moms' friend, he was more than just the fun uncle. He was the only stable male figure Riley had in her life, he was her moms' support system…he was everything. They couldn't lose him.

Who would take her to baseball games now? Who would watch football and curse at the TV screen with her? Who would be there for Callie? For Arizona?

"Riley…", Mark attempted to try and talk again once he saw the kid had calmed down. "I need you to promise you won't run and – "

"Stop it!", the girl got up from her seat.

"Sit down!", Mark shouted back; his booming voice sent shivers down the girl's spine. "I'm not done talking"

The girl did as she was told and returned to her sit. She could tell Mark was getting angry.

"Now you're going to shut up and listen. Understood?", the man growled.

"Yeah…", Riley agreed submissively.

"Good", Mark sighed and his voice softened. He could never stay mad at that kid for too long; she was just so damn cute. "Now I've warned you that these things might be hard for you to hear. But one day you'll look back at this moment, and you'll understand. And from now on, every time you feel upset or sad or angry, I want you to look back at this talk and it will make you feel better"

Riley took a big breath, "Okay"

"The next few weeks or maybe even months, aren't going to be easy. So it's important that you'll be there for Callie and Arizona. Okay kid? They need you. Now is your time to help them out the same way they helped you last year"

"I need you to promise me you'll be good and stay in school", a smile curled in the corners of Mark's mouth. "Riley you are the smartest kid I know and you have an amazing gift. I want to make sure you're going to use it. I want you to study hard and become a surgeon one day…maybe even in this hospital"

It was recently brought to everyone's attention that Riley was exceptionally intelligent. The kid even started a new school this year after she was accepted into a gifted program. Riley had big plans for the future; and becoming a surgeon was definitely one of them.

"Don't quit playing baseball. I think that if you'll continue to practice the way I taught you, you'll have a good chance in making it to the team this year. I taught you everything there's to know kid. You're ready"

The two laughed in unison. Playing sports together was one of their favorite pastimes. Unlike Riley, Callie and Arizona weren't really into sports and so they passed that responsibility to Mark, who was more than happy to finally have someone athletic around.

Mark sighed, there were a few other things he needed to say. "Riley I know a lot of bad things happened to you. But don't hold on to the past okay? Don't be afraid to live and take chances. Don't be afraid to love and get hurt"

Riley chuckled. Mark Sloan talking about love and taking chances? He must be on some pretty good drugs.

"Kid I can already tell you, you'll make mistakes. And a lot of them. But that's okay as long as you'll get up on your feet and learn from them", Mark paused again. It seemed like he was getting off topic for a moment. But Mark didn't have kids; in a way, Riley was the closest thing to a child Mark ever had. He loved that girl to pieces. And if there was anyone Mark wanted to pass on his life philosophy to, that person was Riley.

"Always speak your mind. And always make sure you surround yourself with people you love and that are good for you. Oh and don't forget to be forgiving, there isn't a point in holding a grudge"

Riley kept nodding as tears began to fall down her face. Was that really her last moment with Mark? Because if it was - she wasn't ready. Riley wasn't ready to lose him.

"Hey don't you cry! Don't you dare cry!", Mark yelled. "You have nothing to cry about!"

If anyone should be crying, that would be Mark. Out of the two of them, he was the dying one.

Mark took a big breath to calm himself down. As tough as Riley was, she was still a little girl. He shouldn't have snapped at her like that. "Riley you're the bravest kid I've even known. No, you know what? You're the bravest person I've ever known"

Riley smiled, "Really?"

"Yeah I swear", Mark smiled back. "You're going to grow up and live a happy life. You're going to be an amazing plastic surgeon and get married and…and have kids and live in a big house"

Riley laughed; a plastic surgeon? Callie would have slapped Mark if she knew that he was trying to convince her kid to become a plastic surgeon as his last wish.

"I know it's hard for you to see all of that now", the man chuckled. "But I can, and I know you're going to do well. So I'm not worried. And you shouldn't be either", Mark's voice was smooth and reassuring. Like a father talking to his daughter.

"Riley, you know Lexie and I…we didn't have kids. But we always thought of you as one of ours. I know she would have wanted me to tell you that. She would have also wanted me to tell you that she loved you and that she'll miss you"

"I miss her too", the girl whimpered. Thinking about Lexie was still too hard to endure.

"I know. We all miss her", Mark exhaled heavily. "Now scram!"

"What?" the girl practically jumped off her seat.

"Come on get out of here. Go visit Arizona, she probably misses you", Mark ordered.

"Okay", Riley said with hesitation. She then got up and walked to the door. "Hey Mark?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll see you later right?", the girl asked innocently. Mark was dying. But that didn't mean he was going to die today. _Maybe…maybe he will even make it. Maybe today was just a bad day and tomorrow he'll feel better_, Riley tried to convince herself.

"Sure thing kid", the man nodded as he forced a smile on his face. He did his best to prepare Riley; the girl was on her own now.

"Alright, I'll come by later then", Riley gave him a toothy grin and stepped outside cheerfully.

_An hour later, Dr. Mark Sloan died._

* * *

**A/N: For those of you who thought the prequel had too much Mark in it – that won't be a problem anymore…haha**

**I actually liked Mark's character and I was sad when they killed him on the show. I tried to find a place for him but eventually I realized that his character didn't fit with the direction I chose for the story…poor Riley though**

**Next chapter will deal with Arizona's injury…so stay tuned!**


	4. Chapter 3

Callie was waiting in the car, just outside of Riley's school. Usually Riley would come to the hospital after school by herself but today Callie decided to come pick her up. She needed a reminder that there's a world outside; it felt as if all Callie did these days is walk around the hospital, bouncing between her wife's room and her patients.

"Hey", Riley climbed into the car with a huge grin on her face.

"Hey there yourself…", Callie gave her a suspicious look, "looks like you had a good day"

Callie couldn't recall on the last time she saw Riley smile like that. With everything that happened in the last couple of weeks…the crash, Lexie's death, Mark's death - Riley was definitely having a hard time. She didn't admit it, expressing one's feelings wasn't exactly Riley's comfort zone; after years of being abused and seeing misfortunes all around her, the kid learned to keep her thoughts to herself.

"Yeah, it was alright", Riley pulled a stack of papers from her school bag.

"What's all of this?"

"Research. I had a free period this afternoon so I spent it in the library", Riley's voice was full of excitement.

"Research on what? Riley you're supposed to use that free period to do your homework", Callie pointed out.

"I know, but I just looked into some treatment suggestions for Arizona's leg –"

Oh. Callie should have seen this coming. If there was anyone who loved surgery and medicine, more than a surgeon itself, that person would be Riley. She was a curious kid with a very natural hunger for knowledge. At just 12 years of age that kid had already knew the hospital backwards and forwards, she observed complex operations from the OR gallery, heck she could even perform some basic sutures; better than most interns actually. The hospital and the love for medicine, was an active part in Riley's life as much as it was in Callie and Arizona's.

But Riley wasn't just curious. She was smart, really smart. A genius. She had eidetic memory (commonly known as photographic memory) which enabled her to remember almost everything. Part of the reason she started a new school this year, was because she was accepted into a gifted program. Riley wasn't too happy about starting yet another new school, though she seemed to be adjusting nicely considering everything.

"What? Riley! No! Put that away!", Callie demanded. She was an orthopedic surgeon for god's sake! What could Wikipedia offer that Callie didn't already know?

The girl pouted, "But aren't you gonna read it?"

"No!", the woman exclaimed; it's like sometimes Riley forgot how to be a kid.

"Why?" Riley whined. She spent hours looking into this stuff.

"Because!", Callie huffed. She knew Riley's intentions were good, but still it was annoying! Callie had already read every existing book and research paper regarding similar conditions to Arizona's. Callie was doing everything in her power and she needed Riley to have a little more faith in her.

After taking in a few deep breaths, Callie faced her daughter. Riley looked pretty annoyed as well, insulted even. Her arms were crossed and her cheeks were a shade redder. Callie had to hold her laughter; Riley was just so cute, even when she was angry.

Callie instantly regretted yelling at Riley; The two of them were just trying their best to be there for Arizona. Callie stroked Riley's hair behind her ear, "Look sweetie everything will be okay –"

"Stop saying that", Riley muttered coldly; her head was facing the window as if she was too mad to look at her mom.

"I beg your pardon?", Callie asked with confusion; Riley usually didn't snap like that.

The girl turned her thoughtful eyes back to Callie and glared at her, "Stop saying that everything will be okay"

Callie's expression softened, "Riley –"

"No! Nothing is okay. Everything is different and everyone is dying!", Riley's voice choked. Yes Riley was just a kid; but she didn't need to be a doctor to understand what was really happening to Arizona.

"Riley that's not –"

"Stop sugarcoating everything!", the girl shouted.

"Riley stop it. I know the last couple of weeks have been rough, okay? I know. It's been hard on everyone. But you need to remember that you're the kid here. You're not Arizona's doctor. I'm not even Arizona's doctor. And I don't want you to worry about any of this", Callie's voice was calmer this time. She knew it was hard for Riley to just sit aside and watch some of the most important people in her life die, one of them being her mom. But Riley never got the chance to be a kid before Callie and Arizona took her in; the girl just started to get her life back and Callie wasn't going to let that change. So she did everything she could in order to protect her daughter. Riley was already spending too much time in the hospital anyway and Callie just wanted to make her life as normal as possible.

"But I want to help", the girl insisted. Didn't Callie see that pushing her away was making it worse? It made Riley worry even more so; that constant uncertainty was making her crazy.

"The only way you can help is by doing well in school and focusing on being a kid", Callie's reassured her daughter, "let me handle everything else. Arizona has great doctors on her team, and they're going to take good care of her and everything will be okay"

Callie continued looking into her daughter's eyes, as to make sure she was really listening. A part of Callie said those words out of desperation…or was it denial? She needed to believe everything was going to be okay. Maybe by saying those words to Riley, Callie was actually trying to convince herself.

"Callie?" Riley said after a few silent moment; they were already on their way to the hospital. "Will Arizona lose her leg?"

"I don't know. I hope not", Callie admitted with a sigh. She cringed a little bit when Riley chose to call her by her first name instead of mom.

"But if Arizona will lose her leg, will she be able to get one of those fake plastic ones?", Riley asked naively.

Callie chuckled; it was in times like these that Riley reminded her that she was in fact a child, "A prosthetic? Yeah I guess so"

"But it won't feel like a normal leg right?"

"No, no it won't", Callie answered sadly."Riley, we are so far from that. For now, we're just waiting for the infection to get better and then we'll see. Okay?"

Callie knew Riley must have a lot of questions; however Callie didn't have any answers. She didn't know what was going to happen to Arizona's leg. As frustrating as it was, the only thing they could do right now is to wait.

"Okay…", Riley agreed. There were still a million things she wanted to talk about, but she sensed Callie wasn't quiet as ready to openly discuss Arizona's condition.

"Now let me see that research you did", Callie grabbed the big stack of papers from Riley's lap. She didn't really want to read it, but she tried to make Riley feel good about herself. Hell…maybe Riley's research would even surprise her.

* * *

"Hey Monkey!", Arizona called cheerfully when her daughter entered the room.

The girl hopped on Arizona's bed, snuggled closer to her mom and grabbed her chart.

"Riley put that down", Arizona rested her hand over Riley's shoulder and kissed her cheek. She was waiting for her kid to visit all day long.

Riley opened the chart and began reading the information while completely ignoring Arizona's request. "Your temperature went down a bit", a smile formed on the girl's face, "that's good right?"

"Yes it is", Arizona gave Riley another kiss, "how was school today?"

"Why did they put you on Colistin?", Riley turned her gaze back to the chart.

"It'll be stronger. Now tell me, how was school?"

"Well you stats are better –"

"Okay, that's enough doctor", Arizona grabbed the chart from Riley's hand and put it away. "Now will you please tell me, how was school today?"

Riley sighed and turned to look at her mom, "It was good"

"Did you learn anything interesting?"

"Hmm…not really. I mean, math was kinda fun. Oh and we played dodge ball in P.E!"

After a while, Callie entered the room and joined the light conversation. She grabbed a chair and sat next to Arizona's side.

"Okay, I'm gonna go visit Cristina. I made her a get - well card in art class today" ,the kid got off the bed and ran outside.

Arizona stared at the door as she watched her daughter happily skip out of the room. She tried her hardest not to break down in front of Riley and so she masked her feelings and acted as if everything was okay. But now it was just her and Callie in the room. Slowly, Arizona let her guard down; the lump in her throat completely overpowered her and her facial expression weakened.

"Hey, hey…what's wrong?" Callie scooted closer to Arizona when she noticed the tears dropping down her wife's face.

Arizona turned and looked at Callie, "do we have a plan yet? Do we?"

Callie squeezed Arizona's hand, "We're still waiting for the infection to go down"

"Callie that's not what I'm asking!", Arizona yelled. She needed Callie to be honest and straight forward with her.

"I know this is hard –"

"No you don't! Because you know what your life is going to be. You know you'll be able to take Riley to school and…and walk her down the aisle –"

"Arizona slow down…", Callie tried to calm her wife; Riley was only 12…

"No! And you know if you're going to operate again!", Arizona's voice shot with panic. What kind of a life was she going to have? Will she be able to watch her daughter grow up? Will she be able to do the thing she loves the most?

"Arizona of course you will!", Callie stated with confidence. Though a part of her wondered about the same exact things Arizona did.

"And you keep saying we need to wait, but the longer we wait the more the nerves die, the more the muscle atrophies and then…" Arizona paused; she could barely admit the next part. "And then there is only one option left"

Arizona looked at her wife; her eyes expressed both fear and desperation. They both knew what was going to happen, they've been avoiding the subject for the past couple of weeks but there was no point in hiding it now. The truth was – neither Callie nor Arizona could tell what kind of a life they were going to have.

"Callie", Arizona whispered, "Please don't give up on me"

"Arizona I'm not" Callie said; her voice was equally choked up as Arizona's. She couldn't stand looking at her wife crying like that, it pained her.

"Then you need to do something. Promise me. Promise me you won't let them take my leg", Arizona begged. If there was anyone she could trust now, it was Callie - she would know what to do.

Callie opened her mouth to say something, but then stopped herself. As doctors, they were taught not to make false promises and to not promise something they couldn't live up to. But she wasn't Arizona's doctor, she was Arizona's wife. And in that moment Callie swore, she was going to do _everything_ to save her wife's leg. She was going to do everything to bring the "old" Arizona back.

"Okay. Okay, I promise"

* * *

"Hi…" Riley whispered as she entered Cristina's room. The young woman was lying in bed with her back facing the door.

"I umm…I made you a get - well card in class", Riley let out a soft chuckle, "yeah I know it's ugly…" she put it on Cristina's night stand and took a seat next to her bedside.

Everyone came back with a different experience from the plane crash, everyone had different injuries. Though Cristina was the only one who was affected mentally. The doctors believed that the combination of exhaustion and dehydration put Cristina in a state; they diagnosed her with reactive psychosis. For now Owen made sure Cristina was kept on the surgical floor until she got better.

Riley looked at Cristina, well she looked at her back; the woman's hands were tied to the bed because she became violent when the doctors or nurses tried to examine her. She was uncommunicative and unresponsive. All she did was lie in bed.

But that didn't scare Riley. Cristina was her mentor, her best friend and she still looked up to her in that way. Riley knew Cristina Yang the brilliant surgeon was hiding inside that motionless body somewhere.

Cristina and Riley had a special bond, one that everyone found to be really shocking since Cristina was notorious for hating kids. But she saw something in Riley, something which reminded Cristina of her younger self. Riley had that same passion Cristina had for medicine, they shared the same ambition. And as the months passed, Cristina took Riley under her wing. She snuck her into surgeries, taught her how to suture, watched medical DVD's with her. No one believed it, but Cristina Yang completely fell for the kid.

"I got a B plus on my biology test…", Riley continued talking as if everything was normal. Riley knew Cristina won't be speaking but she at least hoped Cristina was listening. "I know, I know. I should have gotten an A. It was an easy test. But I've been distracted lately with everything that happened"

Riley sighed. "No, you're right. It's not an excuse. I promise I'll do better next time", Riley could almost hear Cristina's condescending voice telling her she could do so much better.

Riley paused for a moment, "Cristina I know you don't want to talk. But can you just listen? I just…I need someone to talk to. And Mark is dead and Callie...is a mess and Arizona isn't doing that well either…", the girl was rambling hastily. "So just listen okay?"

Cristina didn't move; she didn't flinch. She lay in that same pose, her face turned to the wall (were her eyes even open?) and her back facing the door. She looked almost…dead. You could barely notice her breathing.

"I think Arizona might be losing her leg", the words just flew out of Riley's mouth without a warning. "I think she might be losing her leg and I think Callie knows it. I think Arizona might know it too but they won't admit it and every time I try to ask Callie about it – ", Riley paused again; if the "old" Cristina was there she would have told her to shut up a long time ago. But Riley couldn't help herself, she had to let her frustration out in some way.

"I looked at Arizona's chart today. Her vital signs are still stable and they put her on stronger antibiotics but I don't think it will be enough", Riley knew she wasn't a doctor; but she knew enough to notice Arizona's treatment method wasn't working.

"Cristina I don't know what to do…", Riley confessed. She tried to be strong for Arizona, she tried to be strong for Callie. But Riley couldn't help but feel hopeless…she was at a loss. "I think Callie's lying to me. She's pretending like everything is okay but it isn't. Nothing is okay. Arizona might be losing her leg, Mark and Lexie are dead, Derek may never operate again and you…" Small tears began streaming down Riley's face. All this time she tried to keep it together and be strong for her moms, so she didn't dare to cry in front of them. But Riley had nothing to hide now, it was just her and Cristina. "Can you like…tell me what to do? Tell me what to do and I'll do it", the girl swore.

But that was wishful thinking. Riley knew she shouldn't expect Cristina to give her an answer. The young woman hadn't uttered a word since she and the rest of the survivors were rescued.

Riley sniffed her nose and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "Cristina, what happened to you there? All of you?", the girl asked rhetorically.

"Arizona changed. She tries to smile and talk about school and rainbows and crap but she's different. She looks different, her voice is different…", the girl's eye's dropped to her lap as she began playing with her hands nervously. "And I don't think she's ever coming back"

"Cristina", the girl whispered. "I think I might be losing my mom"

* * *

**A/N: Don't worry Arizona will be okay…eventually. Cristina will have a major role in Riley's life, but not as much as Callie and Arizona obviously. I based some of Riley's traits from Cristina's character and I really like that relationship. You will see more of it in future chapters. For now though the story will mostly focus on Arizona and Callie.**


	5. Chapter 4

"Alright, who's presenting?", Dr. Schechter entered Arizona's room with a group of interns; they were in the middle of rounds.

"Oh, I will!", Riley announced enthusiastically. In the last two weeks since the crash, the little girl hadn't left her mom's side. She knew more about Arizona's condition than any of those stupid interns.

"Proceed", Dr. Schechter said.

"Arizona Robbins, age - ", Riley paused when Arizona shot her with a warning look, "Never mind… was admitted two weeks ago after ugh...umm after a plane crash. Suffers from a severe infection due to an open femur fracture in the left leg. An external fixator was inserted in an OR procedure performed by Dr. Schechter and a second surgery is scheduled for tomorrow"

"Excellent. Your kid is going to be a great surgeon one day", Dr. Schechter winked at the little girl. "You have any questions about the surgery?"

"Nope", Arizona replied simply.

"Alright then, I'll see you in the OR tomorrow. If you have any questions later on - you know how to page me. But I'm sure you'll rather ask your wife", the man joked and patted Callie on the shoulder.

Of course Callie wished she could be the one performing the surgery but that wasn't possible since she was married to Arizona. So Dr. Schechter was the next best thing; he was the head of orthopedics and a respected colleague. For the last few days he and Callie had been working on a plan to save Arizona's leg and that surgery was their last hope.

"Thanks Schechter", Arizona said as the group of surgeons left her room.

"Okay, I need to go too", Callie leaned to give Arizona a kiss. "I have a surgery. You gonna keep your mama some company?" she asked Riley.

"Yeah", the girl nodded.

"Alright, I'll see you guys later", Callie left the room.

* * *

Riley stayed in Arizona's room and tried to distract her with some light conversation about school and the latest celebrity gossip. The girl could tell her mom was having a bad day. Riley didn't know if it was because Arizona was nervous about the surgery tomorrow, or maybe Arizona was just sad - but she didn't look good. Arizona looked tired and her skin was even paler than usual. She refused to eat, even though her surgery wasn't until tomorrow and she lacked her normal sunny attitude.

As if to make matters worse, Alex walked into the room.

The man leaned on the doorframe; he didn't dare to come in any closer. "Hey…"

"Hi…" , Arizona replied; her voice was so weak it was barely audible.

Alex used to be Arizona's protégé; he was her favorite resident and she had worked really hard in the last three years on educating and mentoring him. Alex was like a little brother to her. They weren't exactly friends, but they had a close professional relationship and they genuinely cared about each other. Though that was the first time Alex had seen Arizona since the crash, two weeks after she got back home.

Alex didn't dare to visit Arizona before. Not because he didn't care but because he felt guilty. It was his fault Arizona got on the plane and it was his fault she was now at risk of losing her leg; at least that's how he felt.

Alex was supposed to be part of the delegation to Boise; Arizona let him represent the pediatrics department as a present for all of his hard work and for passing his boards. Out of all the fifth year residents, Alex was the only who promised to stay in Seattle Grace and Arizona couldn't be happier or more proud. Though a last minute change occurred; Alex got a job offer from Hopkins and decided to ditch Arizona. Overpowered by her anger, Arizona took Alex off the case and got on the plane herself.

Riley quietly observed her mom reunited with her favorite student for the first time.

"Look Robbins I feel like crap. It should have been me on that plane. I never meant for this to happen", Alex apologized; his face expressed nothing but regret and guilt.

"I've been working really hard in the last few weeks to make sure everything runs smoothly. And I'm done now. I'm leaving for Hopkins tonight so…", Alex paused as he hoped Arizona might say something. But the woman just kept glaring at him without saying a word. "I'm sorry this happened to you and I'm sorry you hate me"

But just as the man was about to leave the room, Arizona's monitor started beeping.

"Alex!", Riley shouted and got up from her seat.

The man ran to Arizona's bed side and checked her pulse. "Hit the blue button! Hit the blue button now!", he ordered.

Riley did as she was told and hit the blue button situated above the bed. Immediately, code blue was announced in the loudspeakers system all over the floor.

"Alex what is happening?", Riley's voice shot higher . Arizona just stopped breathing out of know where and her body was twitching violently.

"She's coding. Someone get a crash cart in here and page Torres!", Alex yelled.

* * *

"Tell me what happened", Callie ran to Arizona's room. Dr. Schechter and Alex were already waiting for her outside as the nurses started prepping Arizona for surgery. The brunette was still in her surgical gown and gloves since she was just pulled out of surgery.

"She's in septic shock", Alex explained. The infection had reached Arizona's bloodstream, she was now at risk of organ failure apart from just losing a limb.

Callie rubbed her aching head, "Crap. Okay umm, did you put her on pressors?"

Alex nodded, "Yeah I put her on pressors, triple antibiotics…"

"What about supplemental oxygen?", Callie suggested. There had to be a solution, there had to be something they could do.

"Torres, it's the leg. Arizona's deteriorating, Alex had to intubate her", Dr. Schechter pointed out.

"It's the leg…", Alex emphasized.

Callie was in full panic mode. Her heart was pounding rapidly and it was hard to breath - she was hyperventilating. Callie felt overwhelming heat flashes washing through her body and her stomach was turning intensely.

Callie was torn between thinking like a doctor and thinking like a wife. As a doctor – as an ortho surgeon – she wanted that leg amputated. She wanted that leg amputated weeks ago. But as a wife….she made a promise.

Arizona was dying and they were running out of options – they had to react quickly. The inflammation was disrupting blood flow; Arizona could face heart or even brain damage in a few short moments.

There was only one thing left to do.

"Okay. Cut it off", Callie decided. "Wait Schechter I'm coming with you, I'll stay in the gallery"

"Callie!", Riley cried; she was standing aside the whole time.

_Damn it_, Callie cursed mentally. With everything that happened she forgot Riley was even there. The brunette looked her girl, Riley was crying and she looked scared - _really scared_. She just watched her mom coding in front of her, so no wonder.

"Go, I'll catch up with you", Callie told Schechter and the man started wheeling Arizona to the OR.

Callie approached Riley and cupped her cheeks. "Riley, everything is going to be fine. I promise. I need you to stay here with Alex –"

"No!", the girl began to object.

"Riley I need to be with Arizona now. Stay here with Alex until we get out of surgery. I will see you in a bit, okay?", Callie's voice was calm even though she was freaking out inside. Her wife was dying but she had to keep it together for their daughter.

Riley nodded. Arizona needed Callie - she understood.

"Karev, don't you dare leave her side. You hear me? And make sure she doesn't sneak into the gallery", Callie ordered.

"Got it", Alex reassured her.

"Be a good girl Riley and don't worry. Arizona will be fine", Callie kissed her daughter's forehead and ran towards the elevators.

Riley couldn't move. She just stood there, vacantly staring to the distance with tears streaming down her face. Her eyes were still fixated on the elevators, as if she waited for Callie and Arizona to casually step out and meet her.

Alex put his hand on Riley's shoulder, "Come on kid, let's go get a snack –"

"Don't touch me!", Riley shouted at him and shrugged his hand off of her.

Alex cautiously removed his hands, "Hey I know it's scary but –"

"No you don't!", Riley shouted again.

Within a second the girl sprung into a quick movement and ran like the wind. Alex never stood a chance, Riley was a fast runner. She disappeared before he even blinked.

"What the hell am I supposed to do now?", Alex thought out loud. The one thing Callie told him to do was keep an eye on the kid and before he even got the chance to say a word she was gone.

Callie was going to kill him. Arizona was going to kill him. That is, if she'll make it out of surgery.

* * *

Riley was sitting on the floor of a supply closet. She had to get away; as an abused child, it was her natural reaction to stress.

Riley buried her head between her knees and began rocking herself back and forth. She was shaking, her palms were sweaty and her heart was pulsing so rapidly it felt as if it was going to come out off of her chest. She was in panic. Riley had seen many horrors in her life, but she had never felt so scared like in that moment.

The girl brought her hands over her head and pulled her hair as flashing images began to fill her mind.

Arizona started dying - and out of nowhere! One moment they were talking about some meaningless crap and the next she stopped breathing.

And Riley saw it all. She saw how Arizona's skin turned slightly blue as her airways blocked. She heard Arizona's loud gasping for air and saw the hopeless stare she had on her face. Did Arizona know what was happening? Did she know she was dying?

Thanks God Alex was there; he reacted quickly by intubating Arizona and stabilizing her enough to get into surgery.

_That damn leg_. It was all because of that damn leg. If they had cut it two weeks ago, Arizona could have been home by now and on her way to recovery. And now…she was lying on an OR table, fighting for her life. It was the moment everyone feared from. The moment in which they ran out of options. The moment in which Callie had anticipated but so desperately tried to avoid because she made a promise.

Riley tried to calm herself down, but she couldn't. Her whole world was falling apart. She wasn't a doctor, but she had a feeling something like this might happen. She knew it was only time before she was going to lose her mom.

It wasn't fair. Riley was only 12 but she had already lost so much. She lost her older brother Andrew just two years ago, she lost Lexie and she watched Mark dying right in front of her for days. Was that what was happening to Arizona? Did Riley just watch her slowly die as well?

Riley began crying uncontrollably; her tears staining her shirt and jeans. She couldn't be losing one of her moms. It couldn't be happening and after everything she's been through with Callie and Arizona in the last year. After months of building a relationship, after months of learning to trust them, of learning to love them, of learning to let them love her back - they were finally a family. Is it possible that Riley was going to lose all of that?

And what will happen now? Will it be just Callie and her, just the two of them? Riley couldn't picture her life without both of her moms and she was sure neither could Callie.

Riley's stomach was cringing. Arizona needed her. Callie needed her. Callie shouldn't have kept her away; she shouldn't have made Alex keep her away from the gallery. Riley deserved to be there for Arizona. And even though Callie didn't admit it, Riley knew her mom needed her there as well.

"There you are!", Alex entered the closet; he was panting from running around all over the hospital while looking for Riley.

Riley lifted her head when she heard his voice, "What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?", Alex breathed with relief. "I've been looking everywhere for you! Why did you run off like that?"

Riley shook her head and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "I don't know…", she stared at the wall as if she was scared that by making eye contact with Alex, she will figure out whether her mom survived or not.

Alex closed the door, and sat on the floor across from Riley. The kid was a mess; her eyes were swollen and red, and her pupils were wide with terror.

"Hey, you okay kid?", Alex's voice was full of compassion. But he was afraid to approach the girl, so she wouldn't freak out like before.

"Is she dead?", Riley asked coldly; her gaze was still turned to the wall.

"No", Alex replied. "She made it…"

Riley lifted her head and finally looked at the man in front of her. She couldn't believe it. She had spent the last couple of hours trying to prepare herself for Arizona's death. But Arizona didn't die. She made it.

Riley closed her eyes and swallowed, "And the leg?"

"Schechter cut it off. The infection was too severe, there was no way of saving it"

In a way Riley reminded Alex of himself. He had a soft spot for the kid much like many of the doctors in the hospital; though she wasn't just his boss' daughter. They shared a similar background, he was a foster child too. So it pained him to see Riley like that; he never got his dream family, but Riley did and he knew how hard it must be on her to watch her mom almost die. A part of him felt guilty for it, and that made him feel even worse.

"Come on", Alex got up and drew his hand to Riley, "Let's go see your mom"

* * *

"Riley", Callie sighed and pulled the girl into her arms. They were standing just outside of Arizona's room; she was still sedated and was supposed to wake up shortly.

Riley buried her face in her mom's arms and sobbed quietly. She was still shaky and very much frightened.

"It's okay baby", Callie stroked Riley's hair. "Thanks Karev"

"No problem. Umm will you let me know how she's doing later?", Alex glanced over to Arizona's room.

"Sure", Callie nodded. Arizona may have been pissed at Alex, but the man still cared about her.

"Can I go see mom?", Riley's asked eagerly.

"Sure, sweetie. But before you go in, I need to speak with you" Callie pulled the girl aside and they each took a seat.

"Riley, umm…we had to amputate Arizona's leg. The inflammation started spreading to the rest of her body, and it was too much of a risk. There was nothing else to do"

"Okay", the girl whispered. She already knew all of that.

"Honey ugh…", Callie paused to gather her thoughts. How was she supposed to prepare Riley for what she was about to see? "I just need you to know that everything will be okay. Arizona might be scared and really sad in the next couple of days, but that's okay because we're going to be there and help her, right?"

"Yeah…", Riley agreed.

"And also, I don't want you to be scared but Arizona's reaction might be a little…umm shocking. She might cry or yell but that's only because she's scared. Okay? That doesn't mean she's in pain. And if you feel like it's too much for you to watch, then that's okay too. You could step out of the room anytime"

"It won't", Riley tried to put on a brave face.

Callie smiled and brushed her hands over Riley's cheek, "Okay. Let's go see Arizona"

**A/N: Sooo…I didn't actually write Arizona's reaction after waking up from surgery. I guess some things should be left to the imagination right? and I don't think it's that relevant to the story anyway. In the next chapter Arizona will already be at home.**

**As you probably noticed, in this story Alex wasn't the one that amputated Arizona's leg. But Alex's character will have somewhat of a role in this story. You're going to see some more Alex/Arizona friendship and Alex will also serve as sort of a "big brother" to Riley.**

**Thank you all for reading and commenting!**


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: I posted chapter 4 less than 24 hours ago, so please make sure to read it first!**

* * *

_"Dr. Torres?" the man approached the Latina and shook her hand._

_"Yes", the woman replied._

_The man scanned his eyes over the gorgeous brunette in front of him. She wore a wavy black dress with a pair of matching high heels. Her face was naturally pretty with almost no hint of makeup but the dark red lipstick she had on. _

_"Umm uh", the man cleared his throat when he realized he must have been staring for too long, "I'm Dr. Campbell and I'm the leading pathologist assigned on all the plane crash victims"_

_The woman just nodded her head with understanding._

_"Would please follow me to the examination room?", the man turned around and Dr. Torres began following him. _

_The two walked in silence through a long hallway until they reached a small side room. Dr. Campbell held the door open for the brunette and let her enter it first._

_Dr. Torres studied the room. It was small and dark; there were no windows and the only light source was a flickering florescent. In the middle of the room there were three autopsy tables; on each lay a body zipped inside a black nylon bag._

_Dr. Campbell walked to the first table, "Alexandra Grey", he unzipped the bag and revealed the body._

_Callie peeked inside and examined the beautiful young woman; though she seemed nothing like her living self. Lexie's skin was almost blue in color; her formerly shiny brown hair now seemed rough and dry. Her eyes were shut, and there were black contusions all over her body. Callie also noticed some of Lexie's body parts were removed and dissected as part of the examination._

_Dr. Campbell pointed to Lexie's chest region, "We found evidence of blood accumulation in the pleural cavity. We think she was crushed under a heavy metallic object, possibly a part of the plane's wing, which caused a massive hemithorax. She suffered from a rapid blood loss which resulted in her death"_

_Callie nodded her head and signaled the pathologist to move on to the next body._

_The man turned to the second table and unzipped the bag as he did before. "Mark Sloan", the pathologist paused._

_Callie shut her eyes and sighed. Watching her best friend's body lying on an examination room, all lifeless and cut open was excruciating. She took another big breath and then gestured Dr. Campbell that he may resume explaining the autopsy results._

_"Evidence of fluid in the pericardium suggests he suffered from a cardiac tamponade. A draining tube was inserted on field but the blunt chest trauma cause an inflammation in the pericardium which lead to his eventual death"_

_Callie chuckled. Her friends tried so hard to keep her best friend alive in the woods. They used an impromptu plastic tube and drained Mark's blood into a bag; but their efforts were for nothing. _

_ "Lastly", Dr. Campbell unzipped the third and final bag. "Arizona Robbins"_

_Callie had her back faced to the body. It was hard watching Lexie and Mark's bodies but seeing Arizona like that…Callie couldn't bring herself to it._

_"Dr. Torres? You need a minute?", the man asked with concern._

_"No", she replied coldly and turned around. _

_"Open fracture in the left femur, caused by a direct blow to the bone. We found samples of muscle, nerve and tissue damage near the injury as well. Hmmm…that's odd – ", Dr. Campbell gave Callie a quizzical look._

_"Excuse me?"_

_The pathologist looked at his papers again. "Well it says here that the official cause of death was heart failure due to severe sepsis. Did you know your wife suffered from severe infection?"_

_"Umm ugh...", the woman stuttered panicky._

_"Well did you?"_

_"Yeah I…I did", Callie admitted._

_"And did you try and stop the infection?"_

_"Yeah but it already spread –"_

_ "Well then why didn't you recommend an amputation?", the man asked with an accusing tone._

_"I did –", Callie tried to defend her actions. _

_"Dr. Torres you're an orthopedic surgeon you should've known that an amputation was the only course of treatment"_

_"I did! – I do!", Callie shouted. What was this man trying to say? That she didn't know how to do her job?_

_"Then why did you kill your wife?", Dr. Campbell grumbled coldly. _

_"What?", the brunette's expression shot with panic._

_"You heard me. You killed your wife, you let her die for nothing"_

_Callie shook her head, "No, I promised –"_

_"You killed your wife"_

Callie sat up in an instant. She was panting, her face was covered with cold sweat and her heart was pounding. It was a dream. It was just a dream.

Once Callie was able to calm herself down she suddenly began to grasp at her surroundings. She was sitting on the living room sofa and the TV was still on. Callie checked the time on her watch, it was 16:30.

Callie got up and walked to the kitchen. On her way she peeked into Riley's bedroom. The kid was wearing headphones while using the computer; she was completely oblivious to what was going on around her.

She then poured herself a glass of water; her hands were still a little shaky from that horrifying dream. Callie leaned on the kitchen counter, dreading what she needed to do next. With a sigh and a groan, she poured another glass of water and grabbed some pain killers from the kitchen drawer; she then headed to her bedroom in order to check on Arizona.

Yesterday was Arizona's first day back home since the amputation and everyone were still…_adjusting_. Callie knocked on the door, but opened it before Arizona could utter a word; she knew her wife would just ignore her anyway.

Arizona lay on the bed and her back was facing the door. She didn't move or flinch, she didn't turn around. It was as if she didn't even know Callie was there…only she did.

"Hey", Callie tried to sound as cheerful as possible. "I brought you a glass of water and some Advil", some pain was expected after an amputation.

Callie just stood there for a moment; she felt dumb for thinking Arizona might actually turn around and talk to her. Though she didn't let the silent treatment bring her down; Callie stepped into the room, put the water glass on the nightstand and sat on the edge of the bed - as far away as possible from Arizona.

After the amputation, Arizona was hospitalized for another two week so the doctors could monitor her infection. In the meantime, Callie had to do some modification and prepare their apartment for an amputee. She brought in a professional that lowered all of their thresholds, so Arizona could maneuver her wheelchair easily and also added grab bars in the bathroom, so Arizona would have something to lean on when she used the toilet or when she took a shower. For now, Arizona wasn't that independent and she still needed help with almost all basic activities.

Callie roamed her eyes across the room; it looked more like a bat cave then a bedroom. The windows were shut, the drapes were closed. As if Arizona was a vampire hiding from the sun.

"Arizona, how about I'll help you get up and you could come to the living room for a bit?", Callie suggested yet Arizona said nothing in return. "Come on, you've been lying in bed all day long. You have to start…umm moving. It will make you feel better"

Nothing. Arizona said nothing at all.

Waves of anger and frustration streamed through Callie's body. Arizona was angry and Callie understood that; she knew Arizona needed someone to be the bad guy and since Callie was the one who gave the call to amputate her leg…

But Callie wasn't sorry for making that call, if it was either keeping the leg or saving Arizona – Callie chose to save her wife.

Callie sensed Arizona might be angry with her after the amputation; after all she did make a promise. However Callie was sure that Arizona would come to terms by now. Arizona was a doctor, she knew how bad her condition was, she knew she was at risk of losing her leg. It's been days, and Arizona should have already accepted the fact that she was an amputee.

And of course Callie tried talking to her. Callie tried to be supportive, she tried to be encouraging but Arizona completely shut her wife out. Arizona refused to talk to Callie; she wouldn't look at her, wouldn't let Callie touch her. And even worse, Arizona refused to see Riley too. As if she was embarrassed her daughter will see her in such a state.

"Arizona please…", Callie begged. She was desperate and she knew it. But honestly, Callie didn't know what to do anymore. This person, lying in front of her, was not Arizona. She was just a shell. An empty shell. All the Arizona has been scooped out of her. And Callie wanted her wife back so badly, Riley wanted her mom back too.

"Look…", Callie got up and scooted closer to Arizona, "I know things suck right now and I know you don't feel like doing anything other than lying in bed. But no one's rushing you Arizona. You can take all the time in the world, and in a couple of days you're going to start feeling better and then –"

Arizona turned around to face her wife, "well you got it all figured out huh?", she snapped.

Callie gasped; she just sat there, completely stunned by the fact that Arizona actually spoke to her. The blonde was not happy. Her once dreamy blue eyes turned a shade darker with pure rage; her eyebrows creased with fury and nostrils flared.

"Honey…", Callie whispered and her face immediately softened. She never meant to sound condescending; she was just trying to help. "It's going to be okay"

Callie must have said that sentence over a hundred times in the past few weeks. But what else could she do? Everyone relied on her. Callie was the rock now; she was the one taking care of everything, she had to remain optimistic.

The brunette cautiously moved her hand to touch Arizona's thigh.

"Don't touch me!", Arizona yelled and shrugged Callie's hand off.

"I just…", Callie gulped. "Does it hurt?", the brunette glanced over to Arizona's stump; her stitches hadn't been removed yet.

"No", Arizona answered dryly.

Callie was torn. She wanted to comfort Arizona; she wanted to hug her wife and let her know that she was safe. But Arizona was so distant, so cold and angry. Callie didn't recognize Arizona anymore.

Callie sighed, "Will you at least let me take a look at the stitches? I haven't seen it since the amput - "

"No", the blonde cut her off.

"Arizona, I'm an orthopedic surgeon. I know what I'm doing. I just want to see if it's healing properly", Callie was familiar with how to take care of residual limbs post amputation. They needed to be cleaned daily and looked after so no inflammations will occur.

"Don't touch me. Now get the hell out of my room!", Arizona barked; her piercing blue eyes were gazing at Callie.

The brunette got up, stomped out of the room and slammed the door behind her. It was only then she noticed Riley was sitting in the living room. The girl heard the whole conversation.

* * *

"Umm let me think…", Cristina said. She was with Riley and the two were just leaving the hospital and on their way to Cristina's apartment.

"Try to come up with something really hard!", Riley could barely hold her excitement. She loved to hang out with Cristina and she loved it even more when the surgeon quizzed her on medical terms. It was sort of their "thing".

After some much needed rest, Cristina got over her psychosis; she left the hospital after a couple of weeks. It almost seemed like the crash never happened, Cristina returned to her old witty and obnoxious self. Riley was still concerned, she thought it was weird that Cristina just miraculously got better; though the girl never brought it up. The plane crash was a topic no one was allowed to talk about.

Cristina offered to hang out with Riley that evening, so they could catch up. The young woman noticed Riley was a little sad these days, considering all the personal loss she suffered from since the crash. So Cristina decided to be the nice aunt for a change; they were going to order some pizza, watch medical DVDs - that was definitely going to cheer the kid up.

"Okay, okay...I am a 16 year old male. My symptoms are wheezing, coughing and shortness of breath", Cristina challenged Riley.

"What that's it?", the girl asked with confusion.

"Yeah, you wanted something hard doctor"

"Well it sounds like a cold to me", Riley pointed out. Seriously those symptoms could mean like a hundred different things.

"Riley you gotta ask questions, pretend like I'm a real patient", Cristina encouraged Riley to use her head. If the kid wanted to become a surgeon, she had to start thinking like one.

"Fine… you mentioned coughing, do you ever cough out any bodily fluids?"

"Yes, I sometimes cough out mucus", Cristina smiled. The kid was getting warmer.

"And has it been hard for you to do physical exercise?"

"Yes it has"

"I would order a lung function test", Riley said with confidence.

"Hold on doctor, don't you think you're forgetting something?"

"What? These symptoms are very general Cristina. There's no way you could just diagnose a patient based on that information", the girl pointed out. She was supposed to be a doctor, not a magician.

"No, you can't. That is why we always ask about the patient's history. And if you had taken the time and asked me about my medical history before ordering unnecessary tests, I would have told you that for the past year I suffered from recurring digestive and respiratory problems and acute lung infections since early childhood, which would lead to –"

"Cystic Fibrosis? But that's a trick question! It's a genetic disorder and most babies are screened for it", Riley shouted.

"You're just mad because you messed up", Cristina teased. She knew how much that kid hated being proven wrong; Riley was sore loser.

"No I didn't…", the girl pouted.

The two entered Cristina's apartment. Riley dropped her bag and jacket on the couch, then walked over to the kitchen where Cristina was already munching on a greasy slice of pizza.

"How's your mom doing?", Cristina asked while taking two soda cans from the fridge.

"Which one?", Riley took a bite from her pizza.

Cristina laughed, "Arizona"

"I don't know…she won't leave her bedroom", the girl admitted monotonically.

"That bad?"

"Yeah, you have no idea. Thanks for letting me hang out here by the way. Callie and Arizona's place is like a haunted house, I can't stay there anymore", Riley was usually more private, but her frustration took the best of her and the words just slipped out of her mouth. Now that Mark and Lexie were gone, Cristina was really the only person she had other than her moms.

"Any time kid…", Cristina said. She wasn't really into kids, but Riley was different. It pained Cristina to see Riley like that and so she was genuinely happy to help. "How's Callie holding up?"

Riley shrugged, "she keeps saying everything will be okay. But that's a lie. She's been sleeping on the couch because Arizona won't let anyone near the bedroom. And I can hear her crying…like at night. I hear her cry for Mark. I hate it, all of it. I hate that stupid plane crash"

"Well that makes the two of us", Cristina toasted her soda can cynically.

The two fell into silence, each focused on her own thoughts. Suddenly, Riley spotted a bunch of boxes scattered around Cristina's apartment. Riley's eyebrows creased; she looked around the place, the shelves were all empty, the cupboards too. It looked like Cristina was packing.

"What's with the boxes?" the girl asked.

"Umm uh…I'm moving", Cristina stammered.

"What? Where to?", Riley was so invested in her own messed life that she completely forgot about what Cristina was going through. Apart from being in the plane crash, Cristina was also in the midst of a divorce from Owen. Riley concluded that might be the reason Cristina was moving.

"Minnesota. I got a job offer in Mayo"

"Wait what?", Riley got up from her seat, "When? Why didn't you tell me?"

Riley knew she wasn't really Cristina's best friend; but their relationship was still important to her. Other then Callie and Arizona, Cristina was the next most important person in Riley's life. They talked about everything, how could Cristina keep this away from her?

"I got the offer before the…before the plane crash but I accepted it just a few days ago. I'm leaving next week", Cristina replied coldly. She was going to tell Riley about her intentions tonight, but she didn't plan for the kid to find out this way. She prepared a whole speech for she had a feeling the girl might make a scene.

"Look Riley, this isn't the end of the world. We could still talk, like on the phone and…um oh we could Skype! And I'll talk to Callie, you could come over to visit me every few months with Mer…we'll still be friends"

Riley just stared at Cristina. She was completely shocked, where the hell did this come from? After losing Mark and Lexie, after almost losing her mom, how could Riley lose Cristina too?

"Please…", Riley whispered; her soulful grey eyes glistening with tears. "Don't leave Cristina"

Riley hated begging, but she had no choice. She was already dealing with so much crap, she couldn't watch Cristina leave too. It was unfair; a few months ago, Riley finally got her dream family. And now…everything was falling apart. People died, people are leaving - the hospital wasn't the same anymore.

"Riley, I can't stay here. I can't be here anymore", Cristina sighed. She hoped Riley would understand it wasn't about her, it wasn't even about Owen. After the plane crash, Seattle Grace was nothing but a painful memory to Cristina. She had to get away.

"You can't just leave!", the girl shouted. "After everything that happened, you're just gonna walk away?"

Cristina laughed bitterly. Sometimes, the way Riley spoke made her sound like a 40 year old. But Riley was a kid, she was just a little girl.

"Cristina you have like a responsibility or whatever, you have to stay! I…., " Riley was now fully crying; she couldn't hold it any longer. "I need you to stay. Callie is a mess and Arizona…I don't think she'll ever leave the apartment again. She's like depressed or something. I don't think she'll ever operate again too. And Mark is dead…and Lexie is dead. So I need you to stay"

Cristina just looked at the crying girl and her heart practically melted. _No_, Cristina hissed mentally. Riley wasn't her kid and she wasn't her responsibility. Seattle Grace _was not_ her responsibility. The only responsibility Cristina had was for her career; and she shouldn't feel bad for it. She was a surgeon - not a babysitter.

Cristina's face turned rigid with anger, "Riley I don't have to do anything. And there are things that you don't understand. You're just a kid. And I'm sorry I made you upset but – "

"I'm not, I'm not just a kid. Stop making excuses!", the girl cried. She never dared to yell at Cristina like that before, but she couldn't help herself now. Just a kid? Yeah Riley was only 12 years old but in those 12 years she experienced plenty.

"No you stop it!", Cristina shouted back. "Now I've tried to be patient, but you know what? Bad things happened in this place Riley, bad things happen here all the time. And for once, I'm not just gonna sit around and wait for another disaster to strike us. I'm getting the hell away from Seattle Grace Mercy Death! And if your moms were any smarter, they would runaway too!"

Riley stared at Cristina. There used to be a time she looked at the young woman with nothing but respect and admiration. Cristina was undoubtedly the most brilliant person Riley had even met. Riley loved being her "student"; she loved watching Cristina operate, she loved to observe her technique. She learned so much from Cristina, both professionally and personally. But this coward, this person wasn't the brilliant . That person was not Riley's mentor.

"You're a bitch…", the girl muttered. Riley walked out of the apartment and slammed the door behind her.

Cristina didn't follow her.

* * *

Riley marched into her moms' apartment and slammed the door forcefully behind her.

"Hey what's with the banging?", Callie called from the kitchen. But the girl ignored her mom and walked straight into her room.

Callie followed her daughter; she immediately sensed something was wrong. "Riley? Did something happen with Cristina?"

But the girl didn't reply. She just kept pacing around her bedroom with a sour and irritated expression on her face; her cheeks were red with anger and her hands were curled into fists.

Callie leaned on the door frame with her arms crossed; she mentally cursed Cristina Yang. The younger woman was supposed to distract Riley and let her have a little fun. But instead, it seemed as though Cristina made things worse.

"Airplane don't just crash", the girl ranted; she was still pacing around without even looking at Callie.

"What?", Callie asked with confusion.

Riley stopped and faced her mom, "Airplanes don't just crash!"

"Sweetie – ", the brunette sighed.

"No!", the girl shouted. "Planes are the safest form of transportation in the world. That's a fact. The…the odds for a plane crash are like 1 in 11 million! That's like…That's like nothing!"

Well now Callie really knew something was up with Riley. Any time the kid was upset she went into full encyclopedia mode; bursting out statistics and random facts.

"Riley just relax. Tell me what happened –"

"I mean statistically – ", Riley continued to ignore her mom, "we're ten times more likely to die in a car crash then on a _freaking_ plane!"

"Hey! Language!", Callie shouted.

"They have technical inspections and…and tests for a reason! Planes don't just crash!"

"Riley, bad things happen. That's life. You can't always rely on statistics", Callie took a step closer to Riley and cupped her daughter's cheeks. "Tell me what happened"

The brunette's calm and composed voice finally brought Riley's rant into a halt. The kid looked at her mom, and the woman smiled in return.

"Cristina's leaving", Riley sighed. "And to _freaking_ Minnesota!"

"Language!", Callie warned her again.

"Sorry…", the girl apologized reluctantly. "How can she just leave?"

Riley just didn't get it. They were finally getting their lives back. Cristina was fine, she was a fellow now and she was operating again. Everything was back to normal; well sort of, as normal as things could be at least.

Riley knew Cristina. She knew the surgeon was tough, and sometimes a little selfish. But still, Riley never imagined Cristina would walk out on her like that. Cristina was a lot of things, but she wasn't a coward.

"Riley, people do stupid things when they're scared", Callie pulled her daughter into a hug. "And planes aren't supposed to crash, but they do. People die and people leave. Crappy things happen all the time. It's hard – but it's life"

"So what do we do?", the girl asked innocently; she then lifted her head and locked her eyes with Callie's.

"You find your people, you lean on them and you get through", the brunette brushed the tip of her thumb across Riley's cheek.

"I can't believe she's leaving…", Riley admitted with defeat.

Callie smiled at her daughter, "She'll come around, sweetie. You'll see"

"And Arizona?", the girl added sadly.

"She'll come around too", Callie stated with confidence as she stroked Riley's hair behind her ears, "They just need time"

* * *

The next evening, Callie walked to open the door when she heard someone knocking.

It was Cristina.

"What are you doing here?", Callie stepped outside and closed the door behind her.

Cristina cleared her throat, "I need to speak with Riley"

"I don't think it's a good idea", the brunette shook her head.

"Oh relax mama bear, now get your kid's butt out here!" Cristina insisted. No wonder the kid was so dramatic.

"Fine", Callie opened the door, "_RILEY!_ Cristina's here to see you!"

"Thanks…", the younger woman mumbled.

"Just go easy on her, she was really upset last night"

"She should go easy on me! She was the one who started it!", Cristina defended herself. "Besides, she got quite the potty mouth. She called me a bitch…"

Callie smiled, "Well you are a bitch"

Cristina was about to tell her old roommate off when Riley appeared.

"Oh I will let you two have some privacy", Callie joked. "Play nice", she patted Riley's head and stepped inside the apartment. She was quite amused by this whole situation.

Riley leaned on the door with her arms crossed. She was mad, and Cristina could see that; the kid wore an irritated look on her face and she just stared at Cristina while waiting for an explanation.

"Well I hope you're happy…", Cristina whined. "I turned mayo down. I'm staying"

Riley fought the smile that threatened to appear on her face. She wasn't going to let Cristina off the hook so easily. "Oh so what you're doing me a favor? You're staying cause you feel sorry for me? Because if your are – "

"Will you stop with the attitude? I'm trying to talk to you", Cristina huffed. It was already hard for her to apologize, not to mention apologize to a kid.

"Fine…", Riley rolled her eyes.

"Look you were right. I can't leave. Running away, it's something that you and I do when we're scared. But I'm gonna stop and I hope you will too", Cristina declared candidly.

"Okay…", Riley nodded.

Running away was as a familiar habit to Riley; she had been running her whole life, but not since Callie and Arizona took her in. And just like when Callie and Arizona swore to protect and love Riley during the adoption agreement a few months ago, the girl swore to love and protect her moms on that day as well. So Riley wasn't going to run. And she was sure glad to have Cristina by her side too.

"See you tomorrow?", Cristina gave Riley a peace offering handshake.

Riley just laughed; Cristina was so silly sometimes. The kid then pulled her arms around Cristina's waist and forced her into a hug.

"Alright that's enough", Cristina patted her hand over Riley's back; she was not a hugger.

"See you tomorrow!", the girl skipped inside the apartment.

"Hey Cristina?", Callie called before the woman could leave.

"Yeah?" Cristina turned around.

Callie stepped outside again, "I just wanted to say…thanks. With everything that happened to Arizona …well it's been hard on Riley. I'm glad she has someone to talk to. So thanks"

Cristina chuckled hesitantly, "Ugh…yeah sure"

"You love her", Callie smirked.

"Well I…uh…"

"It's okay, you don't have to admit it. And she loves you too by the way", the brunette pointed out.

"Shut up", Cristina mumbled. She then turned around and walked away; thank God no one noticed the goofy smile that appeared on her face.

**A/N: I bet some of you hoped Arizona won't be so angry in this story, but I think her reaction is rational. I can't say that I liked or agreed with the way she treated Callie on the show, but I understood where her anger came from and you're definitely going to see more of it. Arizona deserves to be angry after everything she's been through…and it's not just about the leg. I don't want to give too much away, there's going to be a lot of character growth in this story but it's going to take a while before we get there. I did warn you that things will get ugly and this is just the beginning.**

**Blah, that was depressing. I wish you all a wonderful day!**


	7. Author's Note - I need your opinion!

Okay umm…so I got some concerns on whether or not I'm going to make Arizona cheat. I just finished outlining the whole story and I have a very clear vision on where I'm taking it. I want to include the cheating, but I didn't expect so many people would be against it.

So I decided to ask you guys, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to write the rest of the story the way I planned? Or do you want me to come up with a different direction?

I would be alright with either choice. I just don't want to ruin this story for you guys!

Let me just say that the way I planned the cheating in this story is very different then the show. I don't want to give too much away in case you do want me to go ahead with it, but I'm pretty excited about it. I know I'm biased but I think it could be really interesting…it'll be very emotional and dramatic.

But if you guys aren't into it then I understand. It's just that people keep asking me about the cheating and I don't know what to say anymore and I don't want to lie…haha

I know people want to see Callie and Arizona happy and in love but I don't want to rush or force things. I planned this story in a way that reflects character growth and change and I really like the message behind it. Patience is a key here so please bear with me!

So yeah…let me know what you want and I'll take it from there. I would rather know now since we're still in the beginning of the story and there's time to change things.

Thank you for your cooperation, I really appreciate it! And for those of you that didn't notice I posted chapter 5 earlier today.


	8. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hello everyone! So I think it's safe to say the majority of you were against the cheating. Can't say I'm surprised! But I understand and I promise Arizona will not cheat. I had to change and rewrite a few things but actually the story won't be so different from how I initially planned it. So I'm feeling pretty good. Umm just reminding everyone, on the last chapter Arizona was pretty pissed at Callie and Riley was starting to freak out…so more of that in this chapter.**

**It's going to be a long road for Callie and Arizona! But I hope you'll stick around for the happy ending. Thank you so much for reading!**

* * *

"Riley will you set the table please?", Callie just got home from work; she brought in some Chinese takeout for dinner.

The girl nodded and happily joined her mom in the kitchen.

"No just…just two plates", Callie instructed when Riley set the table for three.

"What about mom?", the girl asked with confusion. They always ate dinner together. Always.

Callie smiled bitterly, "Arizona will eat later"

Riley just sighed and did as she was told. The two then began to eat their dinner in silence.

It had been two months since Arizona's amputation and although her physical state had improved, it seemed as if her mental state only worsened. The blonde refused to leave her room, she refused to talk to Callie or anyone else for that matter, all she did was lie in bed and watch crappy reality shows. Arizona completely isolated herself, both from her family and friends.

Depression after losing a limb is a common disorder; one which Callie was well aware of and so she took the role of the dedicated and supportive wife. Though it was really hard to be around Arizona when all she did was either sulk or yell.

Needless to say the whole situation was very frustrating for Callie; this case was close to home not only because Arizona was her wife but also because of the nature of Arizona's injury. Callie knew Arizona wasn't her patient, but given the point that Arizona's injury was related to orthopedics, it was hard for Callie not to get involved. However, any suggestions related to physical therapy, rehabilitation or getting a prosthetic were out of the question. Whether they were doctor's orders or a wifely suggestion. The only thing Callie was able to do, is secretly pray for Arizona to recuperate on her own. Callie was desperately clinging to the wish that her wife would someday come back.

Callie was also worried about Riley; the kid was only 12 but she was very observant. It was painful enough for Callie to feel rejected by her wife, but watching Arizona push Riley away was even more excruciating. As if the last year, as they worked on building a relationship with the girl and got her to trust them, meant nothing. This behavior was so unlike Arizona and it aggravated Callie even more so.

Callie looked at Riley. The girl was playing with her food, her eyes were faced downwards and she had a thoughtful look on her face.

"So how was school today?", Callie attempted to lighten the mood; she couldn't stand that awkward silence any longer.

"Fine", Riley knew what her mom was doing. But honestly she had enough. Callie was in some sort of denial if she though Arizona was just miraculously going to get out of bed. The fact that Callie refused to accept Arizona's mental instability annoyed and frightened Riley all at once.

Did Callie really not see what was happening? They were losing Arizona. Maybe not physically, but mentally and emotionally - Arizona was gone. Why wasn't Callie doing anything? Why wasn't she standing up to Arizona?

Riley dropped her fork, got up from the table and walked to clear her plate in the kitchen. She barely touched her food.

"Riley wait – ", Callie sighed, "Just…just sit here for a second"

Riley dropped her plate in the sink and returned to her seat.

"Honey I know you're worried about Arizona. But I promise, your mom is fine. Everything will be –"

Riley got up from her seat again before Callie could even finish her sentence. She thought she might go insane if she were to hear Callie say that everything was going to be fine again. She couldn't bear it anymore. If Callie wanted to live in denial – that was fine. But Riley wasn't going to play along with that. It was clear to her in that moment, that Callie's emotional state wasn't very stable either. Callie lost Mark, her best friend, her rock. She nearly lost her wife too. Maybe she was just trying to convince herself that everything was going to be fine, maybe that was her coping mechanism.

It was time for Riley to be the responsible adult. She promised Mark right before he died that she would take care of her moms and Riley had every intention to live up to that promise. It was all on her now.

* * *

The next day, Arizona was lying in bed while reading a magazine. She just flipped through the pages, without paying any attention to the articles; they were mostly about makeup or the latest fashion, all things Arizona couldn't give a damn about right now. But at least it distracted her for a bit. Because that's what she was looking for these days – distractions.

So Arizona let her brain rot in front of the TV screen or she blankly read cheap magazines, anything that would keep her occupied from the miserable reality she was living in. It was pathetic and sad and that's exactly how Arizona felt.

It was a late afternoon, Riley was at a friend's house or was she at violin lesson? Arizona didn't know. Callie was supposed to come back home from work in an hour or so.

It had been two months since the amputation and Arizona still couldn't believe it. She was an amputee. She was disabled. She lost her whole career. She lost herself.

Why did it happen to her? Arizona was a good person. Yeah she came off as a bit of "a know it all" sometimes and she smoked when she was stressed, but overall Arizona was a good person. She came from a family of Marine soldiers; the men in her life all risked their lives for this country. Her brother even paid for it. She dedicated her entire career to medicine and saving children. Arizona didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve any of this. Derek, Cristina, Meredith, even Callie…they all got their lives back. But not Arizona; she was going to deal with challenges for the rest of her life. She was now a burden; she needed help with most basic activities, anything from going to the bathroom or getting a glass of water.

How was she supposed to look Riley in the eyes? Arizona went from being a successful world renowned surgeon to a cripple who couldn't even get dressed by herself. She knew she was pushing Riley away and it broke her heart. But it was bad enough for Arizona that Callie had to see her like that and she didn't want Riley to see her falling apart too.

_Callie_…Arizona chuckled cynically. She had no idea how she felt about her. Arizona wasn't angry, yet every time Callie approached her they ended up shouting or arguing. Arizona was hurt. She was violated in the most fundamental way. But she still didn't know how she felt about it. In fact she didn't feel anything at all.

Arizona rubbed her temples and sighed. She needed another distraction from all the self misery and pity. She decided that a nice warm shower might ease her pain away.

The blonde's eyes glanced to the set of crutches leaning against her nightstand. It was still hard for Arizona to walk with the crutches since she was still fairly weak. Arizona didn't have much of upper body strength to support her entire body weight because she refused to start physical rehabilitation and she spent the majority of her days lying in bed. On top of it, losing her left leg has caused some balancing issues; every time Arizona tried to stand up using the crutches she felt unsteady - like a drunk trying to walk in a straight line. However Arizona didn't have much of a choice, their apartment was small and didn't fit for a wheelchair.

Arizona grabbed the crutches and lifted her body to a standing position. Once she made sure she was stable enough and the crutches were secured under her arms, the blonde began to head into the bathroom. Luckily the bathroom was only a few steps away; to a "normal" person it would have taken about 10 seconds to go from the bed into the bathroom, but to Arizona it took a little longer.

Once inside, the blonde shut the door behind her and then leaned the crutches on the wall; she used the grab bars Callie had installed for maneuver. After carefully taking her clothes off, Arizona got into the shower; her right hand always gripping on the bar while she used her left hand to start the water running. She should have probably used the shower chair instead of putting herself at risk of falling or slipping. But being the stubborn ass that Arizona was, she thought she could handle a shower without it. That chair made her feel like some kind of a freak.

The hot water soothed Arizona's aching body and calmed her mind. Soon enough she could feel her tense muscles relaxing and the throb in her head had stopped. She focused on her breathing and shutting down her thoughts. Arizona didn't want to think about anything, she didn't want to feel. All she wanted to do was focus on the hot water that was searing her skin.

Arizona reached for the shampoo; she was so focused on not thinking that in a thoughtless moment, the blonde had instinctively put her weight on her left "leg". That of course, threw off her balance and in an instant Arizona found herself on the floor.

For a moment Arizona was normal. For a moment she forgot all about the crash. For a moment she forgot she had no left leg. It was so easy to forget, though Arizona was brought back to reality just as fast.

"Arizona?", Callie called for her wife. She had just entered the apartment when she heard a loud thud coming from the bathroom. "You okay?", the brunette was behind the bathroom door, she didn't dare to come in without permission.

Arizona took a minute to take in what happened. One moment she was having a perfectly nice shower when all of the sudden she was knocked on the floor. And how the hell did that happen?

The blonde quickly scanned her eyes over her naked body. She was fine, a little sore but fine. And it didn't feel as if she broke anything, thankfully. Though the side of her head was hurting, probably from hitting it against the floor.

"Arizona?", Callie said again. "Can I come in?"

Callie didn't wait for her wife to respond this time and simply entered the bathroom. "Arizona…", Callie grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her wife as she helped her get up.

"What happened?", She helped Arizona sit on the toilet and knelt down before her.

"I…I…I don't know", Arizona stuttered. She was in shock and a little shaky too. She was embarrassed that Callie had to find her naked on the shower floor like that; she didn't dare to make eye contact with her wife.

"God Arizona did you hit your head?", Callie examined the slightly blue bruise that was forming on the side of Arizona's head.

"I was…I took a shower. And I accidently stepped on my left foot", Arizona explained. "But I don't have a left foot…", the blonde added bitterly. She then finally brought her gaze up and looked at her wife. To Arizona's surprise, it didn't look like Callie was judging her. Callie's eyes were filled with concern and compassion. She wanted to help.

"Arizona you have to be more careful. You could have broken something and what if I wasn't here and –"

"Then I would have gotten up by myself", Arizona snapped. But that was a lie and Arizona knew it. She wasn't skilled enough just yet. She couldn't take a shower by herself let along get up from a fall.

"Arizona this is dangerous", Callie shot back. "Look I think…I think we should hire a home health care nurse"

Honestly Callie had been thinking about it for a while; she was unconformable leaving Arizona all alone for hours. But she was afraid to bring it up because she knew Arizona won't like the idea.

"I don't need a nurse", the blonde barked angrily. She was a grown woman and she could take care of herself.

Callie sighed with frustration, "Yes you do –"

"No I don't. Only cripples need nurses", Arizona replied. She sounded childish and hypocritical, but that's the only thing she came up with.

"Well Arizona, since you refuse to go to a prosthetist then you are cripple", Callie bit her tongue; her frustration once again took the best out of her. "Look Arizona…"

Arizona huffed; that was kinda low. "Just get out"

"No just listen to me for once. We can't go on like this anymore. I can't go to work knowing you might fall and hurt yourself. You gotta…you gotta pull yourself together. You need to get out of the room and talk to your daughter. You need to get a prosthetic leg so you could go back to work –"

"Don't tell me what to do!", Arizona yelled. Seriously who did Callie think she was? Her mother? Arizona was an independent woman and she was more than capable of making her own decisions. "You don't get to tell me what to do anymore, now get out!"

Callie was speechless; it was like arguing with a child or worse – a teenager. Arizona was impossible. There was no getting through her.

Overpowered with defeat, Callie left the bathroom. She didn't even bother to help Arizona back to bed.

* * *

Callie stormed into the kitchen and leaned on the counter. Her mind was racing and she was breathing heavily. Every time she tried to reach Arizona, the woman turned into a brick wall. And frankly, Callie was starting to lose her patience.

The brunette dropped her head into her hands and began to sob uncontrollably. She felt so many emotions at once – frustration, anger, guilt, Fear. Callie didn't know what to do. Arizona…Arizona wasn't Callie's Arizona anymore. She was not the person Callie married.

There used to be a time, not too long ago, that Callie looked forward to waking up in the morning just so she could look into her wife's bright blue eyes. There used to be a time that Callie's stomach turned with the butterflies just from watching Arizona gliding on her wheelies around the hospital halls. And there was a time, that all it took to lighter Callie's day was one super magic smile. But it's all history now.

The person Callie married was fun and sweet and cheerful. But now Callie found herself married to a completely different person. Arizona was bitter and resentful. Her tone was so cold it made Callie's skin crawl. Her words were so painful and strident like they were drenched in venom. Arizona's eyes were empty as if she lost her shine.

Callie couldn't help but feel guilty. She was the bad wife, the bad doctor. Arizona begged her to save the leg and she had failed. It was Callie's fault that Arizona refused to get out of bed. Callie did this to her wife.

Callie turned around and grabbed a piece of tissue paper just when the front door opened. Riley had returned from her violin lesson. The girl dropped her things and walked to the kitchen when she saw Callie.

"Hey…", Riley greeted her mom.

"Heeey sweetieee!", Callie faked a cheerful tone, "how was your lesson?"

The girl tilted her head, something about Callie's voice made suspicious, "It was good…"

Riley walked towards her mom. Callie had her back facing Riley and she was trying to wipe her tears and cover her face before the girl could notice anything. It was so embarrassing and she didn't want Riley to see her like that.

"Mom", Riley said as she pulled the hem of Callie's shirt. "Is everything okay?"

"Mmm hmm", Callie gulped as she tried to pull herself together, "Of course everything is okay!"

Riley didn't know what was more alarming - Callie's fake happy voice or the fact that it really looked like her mom had been crying.

The brunette turned around to face her daughter and forced a smile on her face, "You want a snack or something?"

"No…", the girl refused politely; she was still studying Callie's expression. "Mom what happened?"

"What – nothing! Everything is just fine!", Callie's voice shot an octave higher. "How about you get started on your homework and I'll fix us some dinner?"

"Okay", the girl nodded. But Callie's creepy pretend smile wasn't making her feel any better.

Callie turned around and started pulling out ingredients from the fridge. She then suddenly felt two arms wrapping themselves around her waist and hugging her from behind – Riley's arms.

The brunette closed her eyes and sighed; she hated that Riley had to see her cry. She then turned around and pulled Riley into an embrace, "I'm fine. Everything is just fine", Callie said with certainty as she looked deeply into her daughter's worried eyes. "Now go do homework"

Riley nodded again and walked to her room.

* * *

Later that evening, Riley was lying on her bed. Callie was in the kitchen making dinner and Arizona was…well who knows what she was doing in her room. Probably decaying in front of the TV.

The girl was holding a baseball mitt in one hand and caressing the rough texture with the other. It was Mark's old baseball mitt, it was all old and worn out from years of playing; he always brought it when he and Riley played together.

Riley sighed. She missed Mark. He would have known what to do. If Mark was there he would have probably walked right into Arizona's room and kicked her butt out of that bed. He would have then talked some sense into Callie and forced her to accept their new life.

But Mark wasn't there. And Riley had never felt more alone in her life. In a way she had Cristina, but then again Cristina had her own issues to deal with. And Riley couldn't really talk to Callie or Arizona.

Everything changed, just as Mark had told her before he died. But Riley never thought it would be this bad. Callie and Arizona didn't speak to each other and even if they did it only involved yelling or screaming. Arizona locked herself in the solitude of self pity while Callie lived in some sort of a happy parallel universe. And Riley was stuck right in the middle.

The whole situation was depressing. And it got so bad that Riley didn't feel like coming home anymore. She would spend half of her day in school and the rest either in the library, the hospital or any other after school activity. Anywhere really… she was just looking for distractions.

"RILEY!", Callie called from the kitchen, "Dinner's ready!"

The girl hopped out of bed and headed to the kitchen were Callie had already set the table for two.

"Arizona's eating later again?"

Callie nodded, "Yeah, just sit down honey"

Riley had enough. Arizona couldn't just lie in bed all day. It was unhealthy, discouraging and annoying. Riley wasn't going to let that go on anymore.

"Where are you going?", Callie asked when Riley stomped her way to Arizona's bedroom. "Riley –"

But the girl didn't stop. She marched right into Arizona's bedroom while opening the door forcefully.

Arizona's back was facing the door; she didn't do so much as flinch even though she clearly heard Riley had entered the room.

Callie stood behind the girl, as if she was using her as a shield from Arizona's wrath, "Honey leave Arizona alone let's just -"

"No!", Riley yelled. "Arizona you need to get up!", the girl tried to be as authoritative and tough as possible; though she sounded more like a cartoon character rather than an assertive figure. "Look when I was sad and wanted to lie in bed all day, you told me I had to get up. So now it's your turn!"

Callie chuckled. She felt proud and ashamed all at once. Proud, because Riley cared so much about Arizona and she wasn't willing to give up on her. And ashamed, because her kid had more guts to face Arizona's crap then herself. Callie hated to admit it, but she was just a frightened chicken in comparison to Riley. That kid was brave.

"Big whoop so you have one leg, no one cares!", the girl shared a hesitant look with Callie. Maybe that was too much.

Arizona turned around and faced her wife and daughter. Her eyes shot with anger and her eyebrows creased. Callie instinctively took a step back. Here comes the yelling…

But Riley didn't back down, "We don't mind that you have one leg. So just snap out of it!"

Arizona was shocked. Riley never spoke to her in such a way. She never disrespected her like that. "Riley go eat your dinner", her tone was deep and firm. She was cold. The opposite of how a mother should talk to her child.

"No!", the kid insisted. She knew how stubborn Arizona was but that didn't scare her. Riley was pretty stubborn too.

"Riley", Arizona warned, "You need to go back to the living room right now!"

"No!", the girl repeated. "If you want me to get out, then you'll have to get up and make me!"

Callie covered her mouth with her hand; boy that kid had some balls. If the situation wasn't so damn depressing, Callie would have found it to be quiet amusing actually. Arizona Robbins being scolded by a kid - that was something you don't see every day.

Arizona gave Riley one last disapproving look before she turned around and resumed her previous position. She didn't want to yell at Riley but that kid seriously needed to shut up. She just wanted to be alone, was it too much to ask?

"So that's it, you're not getting up?", Riley threw her hands with frustration. She waited a couple more minutes, but Arizona didn't say anything.

Callie exhaled heavily and rested her hands on Riley's shoulder; at least the kid tried. "Come on Riley, let's go"

"Fine", the girl muttered. And it was a good thing Arizona had her back facing them, because that girl was giving her mom one nasty cold look.

* * *

The next day, Riley stood just outside of her mom's bedroom. The door was shut and Arizona was inside, as per usual. It was an early afternoon and Callie was still at work.

Riley was bored. She already finished her homework, even the ones that weren't due on the next day. She didn't find anything interesting on TV and she didn't feel like playing video games. The apartment was so quiet and empty - a person would never guess it housed two people at the moment.

So Riley decided to try and talk some sense into Arizona again. It was just the two of them now, Callie wasn't there. Arizona had no choice but to face her. And it's not like the blonde was going to get up and walk away, so Riley had nothing to lose.

The girl took a big breath and gathered her nerves as she opened the bedroom's door. Arizona was lying on her side, her back facing the entrance, her body motionless as always.

Riley didn't say anything; instead she just stepped inside the room and took a seat on the edge of the bed. She played with the tip of Arizona's blanket as she weighed her words.

There was a part of Riley that wanted to kick her mom out of that bed; literally kick…maybe even push. But she assumed that would get her in trouble. So instead the girl chose the much more civilized and mature approach. She wasn't going to yell, she wasn't going to raise her voice. Riley was simply going to express her feelings in the only way she knew how and she hoped her words would get through Arizona's stubbornness.

"Did you know that 1 in every 10 Americans suffers from depression?", Riley asked rhetorically; she didn't really expect Arizona to say anything.

Riley was more analytical then most kids her age. And she was very fond of statistics, numbers and facts; like a lot of people with eidetic memory. Riley wasn't the kind of person that would sit down and pour her heart out. She was the kind of person that rationalized behaviors and she relied on scientific or medical explanations. She didn't know why or how Arizona felt; but Riley did know there had to be a reason behind it.

The blonde's eyes popped open, but she didn't turn around to face Riley. She had no idea what the kid was talking about.

"I did a lot of research…on depression…like online", the girl continued. "I looked at some of the symptoms. Yeah some of them are weariness, lack of appetite…loss of interest"

Riley stopped herself; she was rambling. She hoped that Arizona would turn around by now; her mom was kinda making her uncomfortable. "It's a pretty common disorder actually", Riley's tone was straight forward, almost emotionless. "Approximately 121 million people suffer from depression worldwide"

Arizona was still listening quietly as she suddenly began to grasp what Riley was trying to prove. It killed her how that girl sounded more like a 60 year old rather than a kid. She made a mental note to block some of the sites on Riley's computer.

"And what's really shocking is that about 80% of those people don't even receive treatment!", Riley's voice shot higher with astonishment. "How crazy is that?"

A small smile formed on the blonde's face; it was really too bad that Riley couldn't see it. But Arizona couldn't help herself, Riley was so serious and it was making her laugh.

"I mean 850,000 people die every year as a result of chronic or severe depression. That's a lot of people…", the girl added sadly. "And I also read that depression is twice as more common in women as in men. It can occur at any age and there are so many causes…pregnancy, unemployment, divorce, grief, illness…_amputation_"

Riley took another heavy breath and her eyes lowered, "I don't think I ever told you and Callie, but my birth mom had postpartum depression…after I was born. It's why she ended up giving me and Andrew I away"

Arizona's heart dropped; she then finally turned around and looked at her daughter. She had no idea that was the reason Riley's birth mom gave her away; Callie and her knew very little about Riley's biological family. In fact it was the very first time the girl even mentioned her birth mom.

"You know that…and the fact she was a meth head", the girl added cynically. "And I know it's not the same situation. And I know you're not the same as _her_", Riley wasn't crying but her voice started to tremble as if she was about to, "but I already lost one mom. And it would really suck if I'll lose you too"

Arizona stared at Riley for a few moments; she really didn't know what to say. She then uncovered the blanket and signaled Riley to scoot closer, "Come here"

Riley shifted her position until she lay face to face in front of her mom. Arizona wrapped her arms around the girl's body and rested her chin against Riley's head.

"I'm not going anywhere", Arizona whispered and Riley nodded in return.

Arizona got out of bed that evening. She ate dinner with Callie and Riley and she even stayed to watch some TV with them. It was a small step, a tiny victory. But a step towards recovery nonetheless.


	9. Chapter 7

**Content Warning:**

**There is a fight scene about half way through this chapter. It's not that graphic, but it does include derogatory language.**

**This chapter somewhat deals with the subject of homophobic bullying. I would like to strongly point out that I do not tolerate violence, verbal or physical, towards anyone.**

**I would like to apologize beforehand if this chapter will offend you. I take bullying seriously and I think it's horrible, if anything I wish to raise awareness.**

**If you feel like these contents might be too much for you to read, then please feel free to skip that scene. I do recommend reading the rest of the chapter though, because there are some pretty major and sweet moments towards the end.**

* * *

Callie and Arizona were lying in bed, each quietly invested in a book. They slept in the same bed now though they couldn't lie any further apart even if they tried. Things were still rocky between them, but the two tried to make it work for Riley's sake. They rarely spoke to each other, the only conversation they had was at dinner with Riley. Needless to point out, but anything related to the crash was off topic.

And just like that, Callie and Arizona became one of those couples who lay next to each, each focused in her own matters as the awkward silence lingered between them. They were married, but they were hardly married at all. They stopped communicating, they couldn't look at each other and despite all of that - they couldn't let go. Because they had a child. And not too long ago they promised to love her and treat her as their own; they promised to be the family she never had and be there for her in all costs. So Callie and Arizona desperately held on to any relics of their marriage for Riley. She was the reason they were fighting for.

Arizona lifted her head from the book after reading the same sentence five times in a row. She cautiously glanced to her right; was Callie pretending to read too?

After taking in a big breath, Arizona decided to make a move. "I'm going to the hospital tomorrow morning. I have a meeting with the prosthetist", Arizona's soft voice was barely audible.

Callie's head jerked to her left side. She didn't know what was more shocking, the fact that Arizona actually shared something with her or that she was going to get a prosthetic. "That's…that's great", the brunette cleared her throat as she attempted to shake off her astonishment. "Umm…do you want me to be there? With you?", she added hopefully.

"No. I'll be fine on my own", Arizona replied. "But uh thanks…"

Callie nodded as she tried to cover her disappointment. How come Arizona didn't consult with her on getting a prosthetic? Callie is an orthopedic surgeon; she has a lot of experience with residual limbs. And on top of it, Arizona didn't want her to come along. Was Arizona ashamed? Was she embarrassed? Callie couldn't figure it out, Arizona's reaction was unreadable. But Callie decided to put everything aside and focus on the fact that Arizona was taking yet another step towards recovery.

"And umm…I would appreciate it if you won't mention this to anyone. Especially not Riley", Arizona said; her gaze lowered at all times, as if she was afraid to look at Callie.

Coming to terms with losing her leg was a hard step for Arizona to take. In a way Arizona still hadn't fully realized that she was an amputee, even though it has been three months since the amputation. And to Arizona, getting a prosthetic meant she had to accept the fact that she lost her leg. It meant that she had to accept the crash.

Arizona was still scared to face her new disability, but a part of her also knew she needed to move on. If not for herself, then for Riley who needed her mom back; for Callie, who needed their marriage to work out. Arizona had to think about her patients and her department; she was secretly hoping Alex was waiting for her to return. There were people counting on Arizona. And she couldn't simply continue lying in bed all day long.

"Why don't you want Riley to know?", Callie asked with confusion. She knew Arizona was a really private person and so she understood why her wife didn't want their friends to know. But she could tell Riley. In fact Callie was sure Riley would be really happy to hear Arizona was going to get a prosthetic leg; the girl had been asking about it for weeks.

"I don't want to get her hopes up in case…I don't know, in case it won't work. She worries about me enough as it is", the blonde admitted. She then closed her book and rolled over as she turned her back to Callie.

"Arizona you can't do this by yourself", Callie whispered. She knew Arizona heard her, but the blonde didn't reply. The conversation was over.

* * *

The school day had just ended and Riley was on her way home. She was listening to music on her ipod, hoping it might distract her. She hated being at home these days; the apartment that was once so inviting and warm, now appeared cold and distant. It just didn't feel like home anymore. She knew what her moms were up to; Callie and Arizona thought that by faking a smile and pretending to be happy then they could fool her into believing everything was back to normal. But Riley wasn't dumb and she saw right through their act.

Callie and Arizona weren't fine. They were slowly growing apart and there was nothing Riley could do about it.

Riley's thoughts were interrupted when two kids from her school approached her. The girl joined a new school in the beginning of the year and although it was one of the best ones in Seattle, it was also a lot more conservative then her old school. Some of the kids, and their parents, didn't approve of her moms relationship. Kevin and Adam were a year older than Riley and they often picked up on her; as if Riley's life wasn't complicated enough.

Riley didn't tell Callie and Arizona she was bullied in school. Her moms had other things to worry about, important things. And besides, she started a new school because she was accepted into the gifted program, she wasn't looking for friends. So Riley kept low, she excelled in school and worked hard to make her moms proud.

Kevin grabbed Riley's iPod and threw it on the ground. The dark haired boy smirked at her as he stepped hardly on the device and shattered the screen into a hundred pieces. Riley cursed him mentally. She tried to play cool, it wasn't the first time those two idiots were making her life miserable. Usually they would just abuse her verbally, but today it looked like they decided to take it up a notch.

Riley instinctively examined her surroundings and looked to her sides. They were a few blocks away from school and there was no one around; the only escape route was running to the hospital but it was too far away. As an abused child, it wasn't the first time Riley found herself in an unfortunate scenario. She was pretty sure her fighting skills were much more advanced than those two spoiled brats and she could easily outrun them too, but then again she was obviously outnumbered.

"Go to hell", Riley cursed as she turned around and began walking away. She wasn't going to pick a fight; Riley was better than that.

But the bullies weren't done with her.

"Where do you think you're going?", Kevin asked maliciously.

Before Riley even had a chance to respond the other boy – Adam - spun her around and gripped her hands strongly behind her back so she wasn't be able to move.

Waves of panic shot through Riley's body. She couldn't handle those two morons right now; she had enough to deal with at home. They sure picked a day to beat her up.

"Look just what do you want?", Riley shot back. Her expression remained firm; she wasn't going to showcase her fear.

"Someone's snappy today…", the dark haired boy said and the two rolled with laughter.

Kevin, who was obviously the leader of the two, walked towards Riley. He had a mean smug on his face and he was cracking his knuckles, as if he was trying to scare Riley. When he saw that his attempts weren't making enough of an impact, the boy violently grabbed Riley's shirt collar, "Where's your crippled ass mom now?"

Riley's face hardened with pure rage. Everyone at school knew about the plane crash, it was all over the news; but Riley couldn't believe that idiot would go so low.

"That's what you get for being a fucking lesbian –"

But before the boy was able to finish his rant, Riley lifted her leg and kneed him right in the stomach. She didn't care if they wanted to curse her, make fun of her - but no one was going to disrespect her moms.

"You fucking bitch!", Kevin cried in pain.

The boy landed a forceful punch across Riley's face; knocking her against the hard concrete. The girl recovered quickly and tired to lift her head; she could feel the warm blood gushing from the nasty cut on the side of her face. Riley tried to get up but the antagonist pushed her back on the ground with a strong kick to the stomach.

"Get your hand off of me, you ignorant pig!", Riley spat; she was taught not to use foul language but that didn't mean she didn't have a sharp tongue.

Though that comment had earned her yet another slamming punch. Riley groaned in pain; she tried to dodge the fists and protect her face with her arms but she was held against her will.

"Kev, someone's coming!", Adam yelled frantically. The two then sprung into a run without looking back.

Riley pulled herself into a seated position and looked to the sides; there was no one around. The two idiots must have freaked out and imaged someone was coming.

The girl clenched the side of her stomach; her whole body jolted in pain everything she took a breath. Her head was pounding and her muscles were sore. She scanned her eyes across her body; other than a few scrapes and bruises, nothing seemed to be broken.

A loud grunt escaped from Riley's mouth as she got up. She picked up her scattered belongings – her shattered iPod being one of them. Riley cursed the two idiots out loud, that iPod was a gift from Callie and Arizona for her 12th birthday.

What was she to do now? She could go to the hospital but if Callie were to see her, the woman would completely freak out. And the last thing Riley wanted to do was make her mom worry.

Riley leaned against the concrete wall and began to sob wildly; she let all of her frustration out before heading to the hospital.

* * *

Alex was minding his own business, just feeling in some charts and other paperwork in the attendings lounge. There was a lot of work to be done since Arizona took a leave and the new head of pediatrics was a major jerk. Alex was trying his best to keep everything together; it was the least he could for Arizona.

Alex lifted his head when he heard the door opening; he expected it to be Cristina or Meredith, the three of them always hung out in between surgeries. But it wasn't them, it was Riley.

"Dude what happened to your face?", Alex jumped to Riley's side.

The kid was a mess. She had a nasty cut above her eyebrow and the whole side of her face was covered in blood. There was a black bruise underneath her left eye and cheek. Her clothes were dirty and smeared in blood, her pants and shirt collar were ripped.

"Nothing…", the girl murmured. Her lips were swollen and her eyes were puffy and red from crying.

"Doesn't look like nothing to me", Alex helped Riley take a sit and then knelt in front of her to examine her face. "Who the hell did this to you?"

"No one", Riley said as her eyes lowered; she felt so embarrassed that Alex had to see her like that.

"Damn it kid tell me who did this and I will beat the crap of them!", he then grabbed some gauze and began to clean Riley's cut. "I swear to God I will kill however did this to you!"

"Thanks…", Riley let out a faint laugh and immediately regretted it; her body was hurting and laughing only made the pain worse. "Where's my mom?"

"Which one?", Alex asked simply without paying too much attention.

"Callie", Riley pointed out. "Wait what do you mean which one?", she gave Alex a confused look. Arizona didn't work at the hospital anymore.

Alex mentally facepalmed himself; the one thing Callie told him not to do was tell people Arizona was at the hospital and he just let it slip. "Yeah right I just uh...forgot. Callie's in surgery, she should be out in an hour"

"Why is Arizona here?", the girl asked with concern; she knew Alex was lying. Could it be that Arizona fell? And was she hurt?

"No no she's not here she's –"

But before Alex could finish his sentence the kid bolted and left the room in a flash.

* * *

Arizona sat on the examination bed and stared at her new "leg". She was alone in the room, after yelling at the poor prosthetist for no real reason. It didn't surprise her, all she did these days is yell and push the people who tried to help her away. She must be on a roll. But that stupid prosthetist, Dave or whatever was being a real ass. He kept trying to push her to take a step or even just stand on the new leg. And finally after politely refusing numerous times, Arizona snapped and told him to take a hike. The man stormed out the door angrily, and that's how Arizona found herself sitting all alone in the examination room with a plastic object securely connected to her left limb.

Arizona chuckled cynically. Just because that piece of shit was shaped like a leg, didn't mean it was a leg. It didn't feel like a leg. It was plastic…or more accurately carbon fiber.

Arizona huffed with frustration. She made a mistake. She never should have come to get fitted for a prosthetic. She wasn't ready and it was just too much to handle and…and then someone entered the room.

"Riley", Arizona's expression lit with surprise, "what are you doing – what the hell happened to your face?"

"Nothing I fell", the girl just shrugged her shoulders. She then ran to Arizona and examined her prosthesis, "Wow this is so cool! So can you stand? And and…um can you walk?"

The girl just kept rambling on and on. She was so excited; Arizona was getting a prosthetic leg! Arizona was out of bed! She couldn't believe it.

"Riley", Arizona called for her daughter's attention.

"And do you need special shoes?"

Arizona rolled her eyes, "Riley –"

"And can you run on them?", the girl deliberately continued to ignore her mom.

"Riley –"

"How soon can you get back to work?"

"Riley!", Arizona yelled. The girl was so caught up with the excitement and she kept changing the subject.

"What?", Riley asked innocently.

"What happened to you face?", the blonde was shocked; Riley looked awful.

"Nothing I fell I told you", Riley replied with indifference. "So can you start walking now or –"

"Riley look at me", Arizona ordered. The girl was avoiding her and she knew it. Maybe Arizona wasn't very present lately, but she still knew her daughter. And Riley was a terrible liar; she wore her heart on her sleeve, you could tell something was wrong with her in an instant. She resembled Callie in that way.

"I got in a fight okay?", the kid admitted half truthfully.

"Why?", Arizona couldn't believe it. Riley wasn't violent, it was so unlike her to get in a fight.

"Nothing it was stupid…", Riley answered shamefully and lowered her eyes. "So can you start walking on it now?"

"Yeah –"

"Awesome let's try it out!", Riley extended her hands in front of Arizona.

The blonde shook her head, "no Riley I don't think it's a good idea"

Truth was – Arizona was scared. She had to learn to walk all over again, like a toddler! And what if she'll fall? And what if it will hurt?

"Come on mom please?", the girl whimpered.

Arizona groaned. How could she say no to Riley? That kid had an unfair advantage. The girl's beautiful grey eyes were glistening with hope and anticipation. She was using her magic powers to get Arizona walking.

"Fine…", Arizona agreed with defeat.

Riley grinned with satisfaction. Arizona held Riley's hands as the girl helped her get up. Riley then rested her hands around Arizona's hips to stabilize her posture. Arizona gasped; she was standing, she was actually standing!

Both girls smiled in unison. "Try to take a few steps", Riley encouraged.

"I don't know if –"

"Don't worry I got you", Riley reassured her mom. "Just put your hands on my shoulders, you can lean on me for balance"

Arizona followed her daughter's instructions. There they stood, face to face, as Riley helped her mom learn to walk. Each time Riley took a tiny step back and Arizona followed her in return; it almost looked like they were dancing. Riley acted like a human walker, her arms rested around her mom's waist securely like a parent teaching his child to ride a bike without training wheels – she wasn't going to let go unless Arizona was ready.

Riley looked at her mom with complete admiration. Arizona and Callie were the toughest and strongest women she had ever met. And Riley was so proud to be their daughter; her earlier encounter with the bullies was long forgotten.

"Mom you're like a superhero", Riley declared. Arizona was invincible; she survived a plane crash, she lost her leg. But even with all of that loss, Arizona was still trying to move on and live her life.

Arizona was touched; she brought her right hand and brushed it across Riley's bruised cheek. She loved that kid so much, what was she going to do without her? And to think that for months Arizona refused to talk or even see Riley. She was pushing her own daughter away and for what? Arizona survived the plane crash which was more then she could say about Mark and Lexie. She got another chance to live.

Arizona looked at her daughter and all that Riley was expressing was love and respect. Riley really didn't care about the leg, she loved her mom regardless. It made Arizona feel hopeful for the very first time since the crash.

"Monkey I'm gonna use that plastic leg to kick whoever did this to you in the nuts", Arizona joked and the two of them rolled with laughter.

A huge smile formed on Riley's face. She didn't remember the last time Arizona laughed like, the last time the both of them laughed like that. She didn't even remember the last time her mom called her monkey...

The girl gripped her mom's waist even closer and rested her head against her chest. Arizona welcomed the embrace and pulled her daughter tightly. For a moment there the two of them felt normal. Like they were just a mother and a daughter, sharing a hug. Like the plane crash didn't happen, like their family wasn't falling apart. They each held on to that moment, for knowing it will end soon and they would be brought back to reality.

"Hey I – oh…", Callie barged into the room. "I'm sorry I'm just…Riley I was looking for you", the brunette panted. She was running around the hospital for over an hour while looking for Riley.

Arizona pulled away from Riley and the girl helped her back to her seat.

"Alex said something was wrong - whoa what happened to you face?", Callie walked over to the girl and cupped her cheeks.

"She was in a fight", Arizona answered.

"What? Why? What happened?", Callie's voice shot higher with panic.

"Nothing it was stupid…", the girl repeated.

Both women just gave her a disapproving look. They knew it wasn't just nothing.

"Riley go with Callie", Arizona ordered as she took her prosthetic off. She wasn't comfortable with Callie being in the room.

"No but –"

"No buts! You need to get cleaned up. I'll see you later at home"

Riley gave Arizona a nod and followed Callie outside.

* * *

"Well the good news is that nothing is broken. The bad news is that you sprained two of your ribs", Callie got up from her seat and threw away the gauze and other supplies she used to clean Riley's bruises.

"Yeah I can feel that…", the girl admitted bitterly. The left side of her body was swollen and it hurt every time she took a deep breath.

"I bet you do. Just take it easy for a couple of weeks and we'll put ice on it when we get home"

"Thanks mom", Riley said; It was in times like this, that Riley was super glad her moms were doctors.

"You're welcome sweetheart", Callie kissed the top of Riley's head and she returned to her seat. "Now are you going to tell me what really happened?"

Riley sat across from Callie and she instantaneously tried to avoid eye contact. How was she going to explain what happened?

"Sweetie it's okay just talk to me", Callie could tell her daughter was nervous. She took the girl's hands in hers and smiled at her.

"There are these kids… from school and they like to pick up on me. So we got in a fight", Riley confessed guiltily. "They broke my iPod too"

"Riley who cares about the damn iPod, I will get you five hundred new iPods. Why is this the first time I'm hearing about it?" Callie's voice rose with anger. She couldn't believe Riley would keep such a thing from her.

"It's fine –"

"Not Riley it's not! How long has it been going on?"

"I don't know…a couple months maybe"

"A couple months!?", Callie took a breath to calm herself down. "Riley a couple months? Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't want you to be worried", the girl finally said.

Callie's heart sank. She was so caught up with everything that happened since the crash that she failed to be there for her own daughter.

"Riley…", Callie caressed her hand over the girl's cheek. "I don't want you to ever keep things away from me and Arizona. We're your moms and it's our job to take care of you. Not the other way around. Okay?"

"Okay", the girl sighed.

"Why were these kids picking on you?", Callie continued questioning the girl.

Riley shrugged, "Does it matter?"

"Yes Riley it matters!" Callie looked at her daughter with complete astonishment. There was still something Riley was hiding and Callie knew it. "Is it because of Arizona and I?"

Riley didn't say anything; instead she glanced to the sides as if she feared her face might give her away.

"It is about us then", Callie concluded. "Those kids beat you up because you have two moms?"

Riley nodded sheepishly, "but I don't care"

"But I care!", Callie exclaimed. "And Arizona will care about this too once she hears –"

"Don't tell Arizona!", Riley interrupted. Arizona was already going through so much, she didn't need more on her plate.

Callie sighed, "Riley I have to tell her. She's your mom, she needs to know"

"Look mom, I don't care. Those kids are stupid and close minded. I don't care what they think. I love having two moms"

The heart wrenching sensation in Callie's chest grew even tighter. She mentally cursed herself for being so oblivious. How could she not notice her own daughter was in trouble? Riley could have been seriously injured or worse.

It pained Callie to see Riley hurting so much; even more so considering the girl's abusive background. But what troubled Callie the most was that Riley was directly bullied for the fact that she had two moms. And that was something Callie wasn't going to accept. If anyone had a problem with the nature of her relationship with Arizona, then those people should have faced her – not her daughter.

"I know baby come here", Callie pulled her daughter into a hug. "But I can't sit aside and watch you get hurt. It's not okay for those guys to physically assault you under circumstances. So tomorrow you and I are going to school together, and we'll talk to your principle okay?"

"Okay", the girl smiled.

"Don't worry we'll figure it out. I promise"

**A/N: Once again I hope I didn't offend anyone. And just for the record, I totally accept and respect all relationships. **

**I wanted this chapter to serve as an eye opener that would motivate Callie to step up and that would make Arizona realize she had to start moving on. And if not for themselves, then for Riley.**

**Also, I know that getting a prosthetic is a long process but for the sake of the story, I sort of skipped a few details. **


	10. Chapter 8

"Come on mom just a couple more steps!", Riley cheered.

A smile formed on Arizona's face; she was in the middle of a physical training session and Riley was watching her walking from the side.

After getting a prosthetic, Arizona began to work with a physical trainer. She came to the hospital twice a week, where she would do all kind of exercises. It wasn't easy; Arizona had to learn to walk all over again and in a whole new body. But after attending physical therapy for nearly three weeks, Arizona already made some serious progress. She could walk by herself, though she still had to use the cane; her balance and coordination had improved and she could even walk up the stairs. In fact, it wasn't long before Arizona could return to work.

Arizona didn't admit it to anyone, but going to physical training had really boosted her energy and elevated her mood. Finally, over four months after the crash, Arizona felt like she had a reason to wake up in the morning. She was more independent, she could do almost any task by herself now. Though Arizona still kept her progress privately and she didn't talk about it to anyone of her friends, not even Callie. Really the only person who was allowed to join Arizona on her sessions was Riley and Arizona made her swear not to talk about it to anyone.

Arizona still felt self conscious about losing her leg. Her body changed and it was hard to accept that. And even though Arizona knew she had nothing to be ashamed of, she still couldn't help but feel a little insecure. She wasn't quite ready to showcase her new "leg" to the world. Baby steps were all she could handle for now.

"Good job mom!", Riley gave Arizona a high five and handed her a water bottle.

"H...how…was…th...that?" Arizona panted. Her whole body was sore and she was sweaty. But it was the small price she had to endure in order to regain her physical strength.

"That was excellent Dr. Robbins", Arizona's physical trainer - Jason, complimented her. "But we need to work more on your posture. Try and straighten your back as much as possible when you walk"

Arizona followed Jason's instructions, "Better?"

"Yeah, walk another lap around the room and then we'll call it a day", Jason winked at Riley. He was pushing Arizona and rightfully so. Jason took special care for her; Arizona was bossy and she had a crappy attitude but Jason loved a challenge. He wasn't going to let Arizona get away with her crap like everyone else did. Evidently Jason's tough love approach worked for Arizona and he turned out to be the perfect trainer for her.

Arizona's body was on fire - and not in a good way. Her back ached and her right leg was cramping from carrying out all of the extra weight. She took a step and then another and then another. Each time pushing her boundaries just a little further. Her eyes glanced to Riley; the little girl was grinning proudly and watching her eagerly from the side. Arizona loved having her there; it was kinda like bonding time for the two of them.

But just before Arizona could take another step, she found herself tripping on the floor. For a single fragile moment, the blonde lost her balance and fell.

Riley's eyes widened with worry but she didn't jump to help Arizona; she knew her mom would hate that. Instead she let Jason handle the situation.

"You okay there Dr. Robbins?", the man asked with concern. He then helped Arizona get up on her feet and walked her towards a chair. "Did you hurt yourself?"

"No, I'm fine", Arizona muttered.

"Maybe I pushed you a little too hard. Don't worry about it we'll try again tomorrow. You did really well today"

Arizona gazed shamefully to the floor. She didn't dare to look at Riley; she couldn't bear to see the disappointment in her eyes. Why did she have to fall? Every time Arizona thought she was making a progress, reality slapped her hard on the face. How was she going to return to work now? She couldn't risk falling in the middle of the OR.

Riley walked towards Arizona; she could tell her mom was sad. Arizona was a perfectionist and it was hard for her to accept the fact that certain things required time. "Mom it's okay", the girl rested her hand on Arizona's shoulder.

Arizona shrugged the girl's hand off, "Riley just…just get out"

Riley's eyebrows arched with confusion, "Why?"

"I said get out!", Arizona yelled. It was bad enough that Callie felt sorry for her and she didn't need her daughter to feel that way too.

Arizona instantly regretted letting Riley join her training session. What was she thinking? Of course she was going to fall and Riley didn't need to see that. Arizona didn't want Riley to see her like that.

Riley just stared at her mom, did she really just kicked her out? Arizona had never yelled at her before, but these days Arizona was nothing like her old self. The crash changed her and that frightened Riley. Arizona became this…_monster_; there were times that Riley couldn't even recognize her. Every now and then, Arizona's old perky personality would resurface for a quick glimpse, but it would soon fade by the darkness and anger Arizona held since the crash.

The girl sighed with defeat as she grabbed her things and marched out of the room angrily.

"Arizona we've talked about this. Falling is part of the process it's normal –"

"_I am a surgeon_", Arizona glared at her trainer. "I used to stand up for 15 hours straight in the OR. I cannot risk falling flat on my face"

"You won't. This is just the beginning, you can't rush this process. In a few weeks your balance will be better and your posture will be stronger and I promise you, you will be in the best shape you've ever been in your life. But you won't get there on your own"

"You're like a gift from God, huh?", Arizona said sarcastically.

"I'm not talking about myself. I'm talking about your family", Jason shot back. Arizona wasn't scaring him and he dealt with worse cases before.

"That's none of your business Jason. No take out your stopwatch, I'm gonna do another lap and I want you to time me"

* * *

Callie threw her leather jacket on the couch as she stepped into the apartment. She had a rough day at work, there was a major bus crash and she spent the whole day running from one OR to the other. It was exhausting, but it was exactly what Callie wanted. She was a surgeon and she wanted to cut. Nothing like some broken bones, blood and guts to distract her from her self misery.

However the day had ended. And although Callie dreaded coming home, if she could even call their apartment home anymore, there were some things she needed to talk about with Arizona.

Callie was over the moon when Arizona started physical therapy. She remained patient and supportive even when the blonde made it clear that her input wasn't welcome. Callie was there, all the time, even when Arizona pushed her back. But after months of being patient and encouraging, Callie was getting sick of Arizona's attitude. And even though she hated the way Arizona treated her, she could still understand it somehow. But she wasn't going to let Arizona treat Riley in that way too. That was unacceptable.

"Arizona?", Callie knocked on her bedroom door. She actually needed to ask for permission in order to get into her room; it made her feel like a stranger in her own home.

"Yeah come in"

Callie stepped into the bedroom; she leaned on the door frame and crossed her arms, "what the hell happened today during your session?"

Arizona was sitting on the edge of the bed; she just came out from taking a shower.

"What do you mean?", Arizona asked; she could already feel the anger bubbling inside her and she didn't appreciate Callie's accusing tone.

"Don't play dumb with me Arizona, you know what I'm talking about. What the hell happened with Riley?", Callie snapped.

"Riley?", the blonde finally grasped what her wife was talking about. She hadn't seen Riley since that afternoon, since the "incident".

"Yeah your daughter Riley? She came crying to me after you lashed out on her"

"Where is she now?", Arizona's heart dropped; She had to talk to Riley, she had to explain.

"At Cristina's. She didn't want to come home, so I let her hang out there until she cools down. Cristina will drop her off later"

"Shit", Arizona buried her face in her hands. "I really messed up. I shouldn't have…I shouldn't have yelled at her"

"Arizona what the hell were you thinking? She's already being bullied in school, she doesn't need to be bullied at home too"

"You don't know what you're talking about", Arizona glared at Callie. She wasn't there, Callie didn't know what really happened.

Callie sighed, "It's not just about the yelling. You're pushing her away. And if you will continue to do that, if you will keep treating her that way, then she won't be there for you anymore. I won't let her be around you"

"Are you threatening me?", Arizona's voice deepened.

"No. I know it's easy for you to think that I'm the bad guy, but I want to help you Arizona. And I've tried being there for you, even though you made it clear you only want me as your personal punching bag. But I won't let you treat our daughter that way"

Arizona gulped; she was trying to fight the tears that began to fill her eyes. How could Callie do this to her? Hasn't she been through enough? Yeah she snapped, that happens even to parents. She was going to apologize and explain everything to Riley. Had things really gone so bad that Callie had to threaten to take Riley away?

"Look I…", Callie's voice softened. She knew she was being harsh and she could see Arizona was hurt. Truth was, she would never dare to take Riley away from Arizona. In spite of everything that happened between them, Callie still loved her and they were still married and they were still Riley's moms. "I didn't mean to say that. I'm sorry I…I didn't mean to. I know it must be hard for you and I know physical therapy can be draining. But I don't know how to be around you anymore. I want to be there and help you but you're pushing me away Arizona and I don't know what to do"

Callie's confession was on the verge of desperation. She was slowly growing apart from Arizona and any day that passed was making the gap between them wider. Callie kept waiting for Arizona to come back to her, for things to return to normal. But as the weeks passed by, Callie began to understand that perhaps the "old" Arizona was never coming back. That woman died in the woods along with their marriage. And Callie didn't know what to do with that notion.

"You're right", Arizona admitted. "I shouldn't have treated Riley the way I did…it was horrible. And I shouldn't have treated you that way either"

Callie's confession wasn't news to Arizona; she felt the same way only she didn't have the guts to admit it out loud. But Arizona wanted them to work it out, she wanted to be there for Riley. She was trying so hard to be better but everything she did these days ended up falling apart. Arizona still had so much anger, so much resentment towards everything - the plane crash, the hospital…_Callie_. Arizona hated that she felt this way and she tried to ignore it, but sometimes those feelings took the best out of her.

"Arizona please", Callie pleaded with a broken voice. "Let me be there. Let me help you. I…I miss you"

Hurt filled tears streamed down the brunette's beautiful face. She didn't mind that she sounded desperate, she just wanted her wife back. She needed to show Arizona that she still cared and that she was still there despite of everything.

"I can't Callie", Arizona swallowed and shook her head. "I just need…I need more time"

Arizona hated to see her wife cry. And she hated it even more when she was the one responsible for it. But she wasn't ready, not yet. Arizona was still so angry with Callie.

Callie's face saddened with disappointment, "You know I haven't even watched you walk…with the prosthetic"

Arizona nodded, "I know"

The brunette glanced to the plastic socket leaning against the bed, "you could show me right now"

Maybe now, after they've cleared some of the tension between them, Arizona would be willing to "take a step" and meet Callie half way. Callie didn't ask for a kiss or a hug (even though she secretly wanted to), all she wanted was to see Arizona stand up. It killed Callie that Arizona deliberately kept her away. The blonde had been in physical training for weeks and Callie had yet to observe her progress.

"I don't want to", Arizona lowered her eyes. She didn't know why she felt that way; she was perfectly capable of walking with the prosthetic but so far the only two people who saw her in action were Riley and Jason.

Callie chuckled bitterly, "So it's okay for Riley to see you walk but it's not okay for me –"

"It's not okay", Arizona's tone turned rigid and harsh, "It's not okay for a child to see their _disabled_ parent learn to walk again. It's not okay for Riley to see me in that way. It's not okay for her to see me fall and it's not okay for her to see me cry. So no it's not okay. Nothing is okay"

Callie just stared at her wife; she was too stunned to reply. It pained her that Arizona felt like she had to keep her disability away from their daughter. Being an amputee was a part of Arizona, it didn't define her but it was still a part of who she was. A part that was still hard for Arizona to accept.

Arizona rubbed her temples, "Look I just…I need more time. Okay?"

"Okay", Callie whispered.

"I'll talk to Riley when she gets home", Arizona promised before Callie left the room.

* * *

"Hey monkey…", Arizona greeted her daughter as she stepped into the kid's bedroom.

Arizona limped on her crutches and sat on the girl's bed; she held her prosthetic leg in one hand and then dropped it on the floor.

Riley ignored her mom; she was lying in bed and played a game on her iPad.

"Monkey put that down, I want to talk to you"

The girl huffed with annoyance but did as she was told. She sat up and looked at her mom as she waited for an explanation.

"Riley I'm so sorry. I never should have yelled at you today, you did nothing wrong sweetie"

"It's okay", the girl mumbled.

"No it's not", Arizona scooted closer to Riley and held her hand. "Riley sometimes when people are scared, they take out their feelings on other people. And today when I fell, I was really scared and I took my frustration out on you. I never should have done that. And I promise you , it will never happen again"

Arizona looked at her little girl. Riley was playing nervously with her hands and her eyes were lowered. She was uncomfortable.

"Riley look at me", Arizona insisted. "I know things have been hard lately…since the crash. I know things are different. And I know I haven't really been there for you. But Riley I'm trying. I love you so much monkey and I'm really sorry"

The girl lifted her head and looked at her mom. For a moment there, she could see the "old" Arizona; with her dimpled smile and her warm voice.

"Can I have a hug?", the blonde asked.

The girl nodded and shifted her position closer. Arizona wrapped her arms around the girl and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm so sorry Riley", Arizona whispered.

Arizona just held her daughter for a few moments. Riley was the reason she was trying, Riley was the reason she started physical therapy. It was in that moment when Arizona swore she would never push Riley away again. Because as hard as it was for Arizona to lose her leg – losing Riley would be a million times worse.

"Why did you bring your prosthetic?", Riley asked as she pulled away from her mom's arms.

"Well I know you've been really curious, Jason told me you asked him a lot of questions. So I thought you'd like to see how to put it on", Arizona explained.

"Yeah!", the girl agreed enthusiastically. She watched her mom walk with the prosthetic leg a few times before, but she had never seen Arizona actually put it on.

Arizona smiled, "Alright this prosthetic is not a definitive one. I would probably have to get a new one in a couple months"

"Why?"

"Because residual limbs tend to change a lot in size in the first six months after the amputation", Arizona pulled a silicone made stump - sized sock with a plastic pin placed on the edge of it, "this prosthetic uses the pin lock system. And this thing – ", Arizona handed the sock to Riley, "is called a liner. You see the plastic screw on top?"

"Yeah", the girl said.

"That's what locks my limb into the socket. So what you need to do is roll the liner onto the stump - ", Arizona followed her own instructions.

"And what are those for?", Riley's eyes shifted to the pile of white fabric made stump socks situated next to Arizona.

"Well like I said residual limbs change a lot in size, so we use these socks to fill in the volume in the socket and that way we don't have to get new prosthetics on a regular basis. Also they protect your residual limb and prevent tissue damage. See how the sock has a hole in the bottom?"

"That's for the screw right?", the girl guessed.

"Yep. And now I can slide my limb into the socket", Arizona then stood up and stepped on her left "foot". "Once we'll hear the clicking sound, we'll know the screw was locked in and that will make sure my leg won't move around as I walk"

Arizona stomped her leg a couple more times until the awaited sound.

"I heard it!", Riley shouted happily.

Arizona laughed, "Yeah that's it. Now I can walk around freely, my stump is secured and the leg won't fall off"

"That's really cool", Riley grinned.

"We'll see, maybe in a few months I'll get one of those fancy prosthetics that fit to wearing heels!"

Riley laughed and gave her mom another hug. Arizona accepted the embrace and pulled her daughter in. she was happy to share that with Riley and she was even happier that the girl thought it was "cool".

It was a little silly, but Riley was really the only person Arizona felt comfortable with. Arizona often felt like she was being judged when other people looked at her, even when those people were close to her. She even felt judged by Callie. To others, Arizona was nothing but a fake leg, nothing but a plane crash survivor. And even worse, Arizona sometimes had the sense that she was compared to her "old" self, the one prior to the plane crash.

But Riley didn't do that. The girl looked beyond the fake leg, she looked past the crash. Arizona could tell that Riley missed the relationship they had before and she could tell that Riley missed their laughs and smiles and tickle fights. But that didn't stop Riley from accepting Arizona and accepting the fact that their relationship had changed. To Riley, Arizona didn't necessarily just change for the worse. And that made Arizona and Riley's new relationship equally as strong as before – if not stronger.

**A/N: I had to include the part where Arizona shows Riley how to put the prosthetic on, I did so much research on amputees and prosthetics and I find it absolutely fascinating. I know so far I've focused on Arizona's physical recovery, but you'll see more of the emotional aspects too.**

**You guys next chapter Arizona is going to back work! Yay!**


	11. Chapter 9

**A/N: I posted chapter 8 less than a day ago so please make sure to read it first! One of you guys out there sent me a pretty interesting review but unfortunately that person didn't sign in so I have no way to send him/her a message back. I would just like to point out that every single decision these characters had made thus far, had been conscious on my part. They aren't functioning like a healthy family and there's a reason behind it. I warned you that things will be messy for some time before they would get better. Riley is in a difficult position at the moment. It's unfair and it's concerning and it's disturbing but kids often find themselves in similar scenarios when their parents go through a traumatic experience. It's unfortunate but it happens. I know some of you might find this story frustrating and in a way that is the reaction I wanted to create…because Callie, Arizona and Riley are feeling pretty frustrated at the moment too.**

**Thank you all for your patience and for reading/reviewing, I truly appreciate it!**

* * *

Arizona stood in front of her bedroom mirror. Today was her first day back to work. After months of locking herself in the apartment and rotting in front of the TV, Arizona was going to be a surgeon again.

The blonde wore a pair of black pants and a dark purple blouse; her golden hair lay perfectly loose on her shoulders. As a surgeon, Arizona didn't usually spend too much time on planning her outfit; she was going to wear scrubs anyway and makeup wasn't a necessity since she often got messy during surgery. Today however, was a special day and Arizona wanted to look her very best. She hadn't seen her friends and colleagues ever since the amputation and she didn't know what they thought of her or how much they knew about her recovery.

So Arizona knew she had to make a good impression. She was still the same badass surgeon as she was before. She was still brilliant and fierce. Arizona had to prove that she could still be a kickass surgeon even though she lost her leg. She wasn't going to let her disability prevent her from doing what she loved the most.

After Arizona finished getting ready, she walked to the kitchen where Callie and Riley were already chatting and eating breakfast.

"Hey!", Callie called overenthusiastically. She was leaning against the kitchen counter and handed Arizona a fresh cup of coffee.

"Thanks…", Arizona chuckled as she gladly accepted the coffee. She thought Callie was being unnaturally weird. Callie's body movement was edgy and she had a goofy smile on her face.

"Mom you look really pretty", Riley said. And it was true, Arizona truly outdid herself.

"Thanks baby", Arizona patted Riley's head. "Monkey I was thinking that maybe I could walk you to school"

Riley shared a cautious look with Callie. "Uh umm…"

"Arizona don't you have a meeting with Owen?", Callie pointed out. She wanted Arizona to take it easy; it was only her first day back and she wasn't used to standing or walking for so long.

"Yeah but I still have time", Arizona replied. Riley and Callie were acting _really_ weird; they kept glancing at each other and exchanging looks. "So what do you say monkey?"

"It's fine mom, you don't need to do that", the girl politely turned Arizona down.

"Come on I want to. I haven't walked you to school in a while", Arizona didn't understand what the big deal was. Riley used to love walking to school together.

"Well the school is pretty far –"

"No it's not, it's just a couple of blocks away", Arizona corrected her. What was Riley trying to imply?

"But Riley is taking her bicycle. Right Riley?", Callie interrupted them.

"Yeah yeah I'm taking my bike", Riley gave Callie a thankful look.

"I see", Arizona smiled bitterly as she tried to cover up her disappointment.

"Well I gotta get to school", Riley hopped off her seat. She gave both Callie and Arizona a hug and walked out of the apartment.

Arizona stared at the door. Could it be that Riley was embarrassed by her? The girl was already bullied in school, she didn't need everyone to laugh at her for a having a disabled mom too. Frankly Arizona couldn't blame her daughter; having a cripple for a parent wasn't something worth being proud of.

"Ready for work?"

Arizona's head jerked to the sound of her wife's voice, "Yeah let's go"

* * *

Arizona had a meeting with Owen that morning; as the chief of surgery he wanted to welcome his head of pediatrics back as well as go over some things with Arizona. After all, she was out of work for over 5 months and a lot has changed since then.

In the meantime Callie took it upon herself to make sure Arizona's first day at work would go on as smoothly as possible. She gathered Alex, Arizona's sidekick, and three other interns to go over the plan.

"Brooks, you're on wheelchair duty", Callie pointed her finger towards the frightened intern. "Now you need to be careful. Arizona is going to be tired and in pain but she won't sit down unless she'll see a chair close by. Do not shove it in her face. I repeat DO NOT shove it in her face. She hates that. Just make sure you're close enough in case she needs it. Understood?"

"Yes Dr. Torres", the intern answered with a shaky voice.

"Good. Go get ready then", Callie ordered. "Wilson, you're on food and water patrol. Arizona is stubborn and she won't agree to take a break, so you need to make sure she's hydrated. Also, she might be cranky and she'll need caffeine. Get her a cappuccino with skim milk, no foam and two sugar. And maybe also a scone or something"

The intern nodded and quickly started running towards the cafeteria.

"But not pumpkin! Anything but pumpkin!", Callie yelled.

"Don't you think you're exaggerating?", Alex pointed out.

"Nobody is talking to you", Callie signaled him to shut up. She then turned her attention to the last intern, "Ross you –"

"With all due respect Dr. Torres, I am a surgical intern not a nurse and I'm sure my skills are needed elsewhere", the intern's chest pumped with pride for standing up to his bossy attending.

Callie chuckled and took a step closer to the ambitious intern; the man took a step back instinctively. "Listen up Ross. You're an intern, the bottom of the surgical food chain. I'm your attending and when your attending tells you to do something, you do it. Plain and simple. Go it?"

"Yes ma'am", the young man gulped.

"Good. Now your job is to make sure the kids will keep their trap shut. I don't want any of them asking about the fake leg or making Arizona uncomfortable"

"How am I supposed to do that?", the intern asked.

"I don't care. Pay them, give them candy, anything. Do a good job and I'll throw in a word to Shepherd and convince him to let you scrub in on his next surgery", Callie winked at Dr. Ross; she knew it was an offer the intern couldn't refuse to accept.

"Thank you so much Dr. Torres! Don't worry I won't let you down!", the young man then quickly ran away to do as he was told.

"Now you", Callie faced Alex. "Your job is to be there. Don't leave her side. She needs you. Okay?"

"Okay! Geez Torres since when did you become one of those nagging wives?", Alex teased her.

Callie huffed with annoyance; she already had so much to deal with today, she didn't need Alex's smartass comments too. "Look just page me…if something happens"

"Robbins is a grown woman, everything will be fine", Alex promised.

"Okay okay here she comes. Be cool!", Callie said when she saw Arizona approaching their direction.

Alex turned his head back, "where –"

Callie slapped his shoulder, "I said be cool, don't look up!" she hissed at him. "Pretend to write something in your chart"

"Hey guys!", Arizona greeted them cheerfully. She was only a couple of hours in the hospital but she already felt at home; with her purple stethoscope around her neck and the navy blue scrubs – Arizona began to feel like her old self again.

"How was the meeting with Owen?", Callie asked.

"It was good. Alex you ready for rounds?", the blonde smiled at her favorite student.

After the crash, things had been kinda rocky between them but they eventually made up. Arizona and Alex were like siblings, they fought and gave each other crap over things, but they always ended up forgiving each other. Alex was glad to work together with his mentor again and Arizona looked forwards to see how Alex grew as a surgeon; he was a fellow now and he worked hard to keep her department in place all those months.

"Okay then, I'll let you two get to work. See you later!", Callie waved and walked away.

* * *

Alex walked Arizona to their first patient. "Just wait and see Robbins, this kid is really cool and I think you'll like him"

Arizona laughed; they were about to enter the patient's room when Arizona heard the most irritating squeaking noise coming from behind. She turned around and saw a young woman pushing a wheelchair.

"Can I help you?", Arizona asked; Why was this intern following her and Alex?

"Robbins, this is Dr. Brooks. She's on your service today", Alex clarified. He gave the intern a warning look; she almost blew up the whole plan.

"Oh, nice to meet you Dr. Brooks. How about you leave that chair aside and join us for rounds? – "

But before Arizona was able to complete her sentence she was "ambushed" by yet another intern.

"Dr. Robbins my name is Dr. Jo Wilson, here I brought you coffee – ", the young brunette handed the hot beverage to Arizona.

"Umm thanks…", Arizona chuckled awkwardly. That group of new interns was especially weird or something. They kept smiling fervently and looking at her oddly. Arizona was just hoping they wanted to get on her service for surgeries, but another part of her was getting really suspicious.

"Would you like me to get you anything else? Something to eat maybe?"

Alex facepalmed himself. Arizona was seeing right through the stupid interns' play. Thank God Callie wasn't there to witness her grand scheme falling apart.

"Um no thanks Dr. Wilson, how about you present the patient's history instead", Arizona smiled at the eager surgeon.

Alex and the interns followed Arizona as she entered the patient's room.

"Dr. Robbins? I'm Dr. Ross – ", the young man drew his hand in front of his attending, "let me just say, it is just an honor to be on your service I'm really –"

"That's enough Dr. Ross, thank you", Arizona pulled Alex aside. "What the hell is wrong with these interns?", she whispered.

"They're just really excited to meet you. They heard a lot about you", Alex forced a smile on his face.

Arizona sighed; she decided to just shrug it off. She wasn't going to let Alex and his stupid interns ruin her first day back. "Dr. Wilson, you may present"

"Seth Anderson, age 13. Been in the hospital for two weeks as a result of kidney failure. Is scheduled for a transplant tomorrow morning"

"Excellent Dr. Wilson", Arizona smiled at the intern; she missed being a teacher as much as she missed being a surgeon. "Hey Seth, I'm Dr. Robbins and this is Dr. Karev, he's going to assist me on your surgery tomorrow. Do you have any questions?"

The kid just shook his head. Arizona didn't understand why Alex liked that kid so much; in fact she thought the boy was really creepy. Seth kept his gaze lowered, like he was avoiding eye contact. He was just staring at the floor…or was it Arizona's leg?

_Nah_, Arizona thought to herself. She was just being paranoid; the kid couldn't tell she had a prosthetic. He was probably just nervous about the surgery, that's all.

"Hey is that a PSP?", Arizona asked after she saw the gadget situated next to the kid's bed. She loved chatting with her patients and making sure they liked and trusted her; she was hoping that by changing the subject the boy might be more cooperative. "That's pretty cool. My daughter Riley has one too. She's 12"

Arizona shared a confused look with Alex, "maybe she'll come by later. If you have any questions just ask the nurses to page me okay?"

The kid nodded without saying a word.

"Alright, let's go see our next patient", Arizona left the room and the interns followed her.

Alex sighed heavily. Today was going to be a long day.

* * *

It was lunch time; Callie was sitting next to Cristina and Meredith in the cafeteria as she waited for Alex and Arizona to join them. The three of them didn't always get along, but they did grow closer since the crash. After spending countless hours in conference rooms and talking to lawyers for months, they became good friends. Nothing like a group tragedy to bring people closer together.

"Hey your wife is coming", Cristina announced as she took a bite from her apple.

Callie cautiously turned her head back; Arizona was indeed approaching them. "Okay just act normal, don't say anything"

"How's not saying anything normal?", Meredith asked with confusion.

Callie's death glare signaled the twisted sisters to keep quiet and play along.

"Hello!", Arizona smiled broadly; she then took a sit next to Callie while Alex sat next to Meredith.

"Hey…Arizona…", Callie mumbled. Cristina and Meredith followed her lead as they sensed that talking was now acceptable.

Arizona took a sip from her soda; why was everyone acting so strangely? Or maybe she was just imagining? But no it couldn't be. Arizona looked at her friends; it was almost like they stopped talking the minute she took a sit. Did she make them uncomfortable or what? Arizona glanced at Callie; the brunette was just playing with her food, as if she was afraid to look at her. Alex was too invested in his plate and he just kept shoving spaghetti into his mouth…like an animal. Meredith and Cristina kept glancing at each other and giggle. It was like high school all over again. Was Arizona missing something? That was evidently the most uncomfortable lunch break she ever had.

"So Arizona…how is your first day back so far?", Meredith asked. Someone had to say something, it was getting ridiculous.

"It's going really well", Arizona smiled at her. "Thanks for asking"

"Any interesting cases?", Cristina wasn't interested in anything other than cardio but she decided to play nice for a change. Besides Arizona looked really uncomfortable.

"Yeah, Alex and I are doing a kidney transplant tomorrow", Arizona shared with pride. She was so happy to get back in the game.

Callie froze. She was hoping her friends were smart enough not to make any inappropriate comments. "Wow a transplant?"

"Yeah, you sure you can handle it?", the words just slipped out of Cristina's mouth without her even noticing. Callie gave her another warning look but the young woman failed to see it.

"What do you mean?", Arizona asked suspiciously. She didn't appreciate Cristina's tone.

"Well these surgeries tend to be long and there's a lot of standing – _OW!_", Cristina cried after Callie kicked her leg under the table.

Callie's face shot with anger. The one thing she asked her friends not to do was to bring up the leg. Was it really too much to ask?

Cristina cleared her throat, "what I meant to say is - that it's very _impressive_ that you chose to participate on such a complicated surgery so soon"

Arizona laughed, "well it's not my first kidney transplant right Karev?"

"Right…", the man muttered as he eyed Cristina. She really needed to be more sensitive.

After that little incident, the five doctors fell into another awkward silence as they ate their lunch.

* * *

The rest of Arizona's day went by fairly quickly; though she still felt like something was off. Maybe it was just her imagination, maybe she felt left out because she was at home for a long time, but Arizona definitely felt like she was on the spot. People were staring at her; the nurses, doctors, surgical staff. It was quite humiliating and it made her feel like her colleagues were walking on eggshells around her.

At the same time, Arizona knew that everyone around the hospital knew about the crash, they knew about her injury so no wonder they were curious. What surprised her was that no one brought it up. No one asked about her leg and how she was handling everything. She was sure Alex would ask to see the fake leg…but no. Arizona accepted the fact that she was missing a leg and she was willing to talk about it openly. She was even beginning to feel a bit proud. She was a successful surgeon and an amputee.

Arizona had a feeling who was behind all of this.

"Hey Robbins, you paged?", Alex ran to his attending's side.

"Yeah you got Seth's chart?"

"Yep", Alex handed the chart to Arizona. "Listen about the surgery tomorrow, maybe you should consider sitting this one out"

Alex felt like a complete ass, but his intentions were good. A transplant surgery could take a long time, especially if there will be any complications involved. He knew Arizona and he knew how stubborn she was, so he didn't want her to get into something that was beyond her capabilities. Alex was simply looking out for Arizona. And also Callie was driving him nuts; the brunette had been breathing down his neck all day long and kept insisting that he would talk to Arizona. Callie was too scared to confront her own wife by herself and she figured the blonde would be more inclined to listen to Alex anyway.

Waves of anger and embarrassment flooded across Arizona's body. She couldn't believe Alex said that. She expected it from Cristina and Meredith…heck she even expected it from Callie. But not from Alex. How dare he treat her like that? And after everything she'd done for him. After taking his place on the freaking plane, he still had the audacity to ask her to "sit this one out"?

"Did you book an OR?" , Arizona's voice was calm and certain. She wasn't going to let her anger get the best of her. Instead she was going to teach Alex an important lesson. And she would deal with Callie later at home.

"Yeah, OR 3 will be prepped for 9 o'clock"

"Good and which intern did you assigned to monitor the patient?"

"Wilson", Alex replied.

"Excellent. You're off the case", Arizona spun around and continued with her work.

"What the hell Robbins?", Alex pulled Arizona's arm before she could walk away. "That kid is my patient!"

"_That kid_ is my patient as I am the head of this department"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Alex whined; his face turned red with anger.

"_Sit this one out?_", Arizona mimicked Alex's earlier comment. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

Alex lowered his head shamefully, "Robbins I didn't –"

"What you didn't do, is act professionally. And I know I taught you better than that"

"Look I…I just wanted to help"

"I don't need your help. And it might be news to you and Callie, but I know my limits. I know what I'm capable of", Arizona gave him the coldest glare she could possible make, "Now go be a surgeon"

Arizona turned around once more and headed to see another one of her patients; the smirk never left her face. She was hardcore Arizona all over again.

* * *

Later that night, Callie was about to enter the apartment when she heard loud laughing noises echoing through the door. The brunette quickly stepped to find Arizona and Riley playfully arguing over some video game. The two sat in the living room and greeted Callie when she walked in.

"What are guys doing?", a smile bent on Callie's face. She couldn't recall on the last time she saw Arizona and Riley laugh like that.

"Oh nothing, mom just lost for the third time in a row!", Riley shouted with excitement. She was a pretty skillful player.

"I did not!", Arizona nudged Riley's shoulder, "you're a cheater!"

Riley laughed, "You're just saying that because you lost!"

"So you had a good day?", Callie asked Arizona; she looked the happiest Callie had seen her in months. Going back to work was definitely a good decision.

"Yeah…", Arizona answered dryly. She didn't want to confront Callie in front of Riley. "Monkey how about you go finish your homework? Mom and I need to talk"

Riley did as she was told and walked to her room obediently.

Arizona signaled Callie to follow her to the bedroom where they could talk in private.

"What's up?", Callie asked with a smile.

"Are you going to explain what happened at work today?"

"Excuse me?", the brunette got defensive. Seriously Arizona called her aside to start a fight? She was in a good mood just a second ago.

"You know what I'm talking about. Alex and the interns, what was that for?", Arizona was furious but she kept her voice as calm as possible. Riley was in the next room and she didn't want her to hear them fight.

Callie sighed heavily, "Look Arizona, I just wanted you to feel comfortable on your first day back"

"I was a doctor today",  
Arizona's voice choked. "After months of rehabilitation, I got my life back together. I had a great day until _you _ruined it", she could already feel the anger filled tears forming in the corners of her eyes, "I was so proud of myself for getting back to work and you just wrecked it"

Callie was shocked; she didn't expect Arizona to be this mad or this hurt. The blonde just stared at her with complete disappointment as her blue eyes turned red with tears.

"I'm sorry that's…that's not what I meant to do", the brunette apologized.

"Do you know how degrading today was for me? With the awkward silences and the interns stalking me with wheelchairs and food, why did you do that?"

Callie shook her head, "Arizona I was trying to help!"

"Help how? By treating me like a freak? You didn't help, in fact you were unprofessional and unsupportive", Arizona snapped.

"Look I said –"

"Callie you can't treat me like some…_disabled _person", Arizona admitted harshly. "It makes me…it make me feel like you're bringing be down. Like you're preventing me from moving forwards"

There was a part in Callie that was thankful that Arizona was being honest with her; they hadn't been communicating very well lately and it was probably the first time the blonde was willing to share her feelings. Though another part of Callie wished her wife would stop. Arizona's words were physically paining her.

"And the worst part – ", Arizona wiped her tears with the back of her hand, "is that you even got Riley on your side. You knew I wanted to walk her to school and so you told her to say no. you made her feel sorry for me. You made her feel _embarrassed_ for me"

Callie didn't know what was worst - Arizona lashing out at her for nothing all those months or this…whatever this was. Because they weren't technically fighting. Arizona's voice was so cold and heartbreaking that Callie didn't know how to feel about it. If her intentions were so good how come she ended up hurting Arizona?

"I don't have a left leg but I won't let it define me. I know who I am. I know what I'm capable of and I know my limits. I accept my disability. I hope one day you will too", and with that Arizona stepped out of their bedroom. Callie tried to stop her; they still needed to talk, she needed to clarify her intentions. But Arizona shrugged her off.

Callie just stood there for a few moments, as Arizona's words slowly began to sink in. Every time they tried to help each other, to be there for one another, they only ended up hurting and breaking the other person. So much trust and respect had been violated between them that they didn't know how to be around each other anymore.

Where do they go from here?

* * *

**A/N: So yeah this chapter was pretty similar to what we've seen on the show. I know Callie was annoying, but you need to remember that she's at a point in her life where for the very first time she's expected to be the stable one and support her loved ones and it's a completely new territory for her. So naturally you're going to see her mess up at times and succeed in others. Both Callie and Arizona need to make adjustments and it's going to take them some time before they figure each other out. It's all part of the process!**


	12. Chapter 10

_"Okay, you ready?", Cristina asked._

_Arizona just stared at her. No she wasn't ready. But did it really matter? It's not like she had a choice._

_"Robbins we have to get them out unless the leg won't be salvageable", Cristina pointed out when she noticed the hesitation on the blonde's face._

_Cristina and Meredith each knelt on either of Arizona's sides. The blonde rested her back against a tree trunk and dug her fingers through the moist ground. It rained last night, and the night before and the night before. And it wasn't simply raining, it was a full on thunder storm. As if being stuck in the woods for days wasn't enough, their clothes were now soaking wet and their bodies shivered from the frosty weather. _

_"Okay. Okay do it", Arizona agreed reluctantly. _

_Meredith pulled out a raggedy t shirt she found around their scattered belongings, "I'm gonna tie this shirt around your mouth. It's okay if you feel like biting on it or screaming"_

_Arizona nodded and closed her eyes. She tried to focus on breathing through her nose and calming herself down. But she couldn't relax, not when she knew what was coming. Already pain filled tears began to stream down the blonde's bruised face. She was in pain, all the time. Her leg hurt, all the time. Her body hurt…everything hurt. _

_Cristina took a big breath as she untied the piece of clothing she used to wrap around Arizona's left thigh. She was hoping it might keep some of the bugs and dirt away, but it didn't really work._

_Meredith and Cristina gasped when they saw the extent of Arizona's injury. Her leg was a mess. Her left femur was sticking out of her skin; there was so much blood and some of it was still oozing out. There was a lot of muscle and tissue damage, the skin around the injury was already turning black – the leg was rotting. There was dirt and bugs and leaves…and pieces of glass, maybe from the plane? _

_The two women shared a hesitant look. With each and everything second Arizona's condition was worsening. It was only days, maybe even hours, before the infection would spread to her bloodstream and then…and then Arizona would die._

_"Arizona don't open your eyes", Meredith ordered. "Just squeeze my hand"_

_Arizona found Meredith's hand and held it tightly. Meredith used her other hand to secure Arizona in place to make sure she won't move while Cristina was working._

_Cristina began to take out some of the dirt from Arizona's leg. They didn't have any sterilizing equipment and they didn't even have any water. Cristina tried her best to clean the surrounding skin and stay away from the broken bone, but she knew her attempts weren't really making a difference; in fact, it could be that she was only making it worse. All the while, Arizona was in serious pain._

_The blonde was moaning, no she was screaming in pain. She was twitching and fidgeting; Arizona tried not to move but the pain was unbearable. It felt like someone was sticking a million needles, through her skin, all at once. It felt like someone was pulling her finger nails apart one by one, like her insides were burning._

_"Just think of Riley, think of Callie", Meredith tried to distract her. As a mother, she knew what might catch Arizona's attention._

_But Meredith's attempts didn't work. All that Arizona could think of was the pain. She hoped to pass out, she hoped to fall asleep…anything that would make this sensation stop. But Arizona wasn't that fortunate._

_"Okay Mer pass me the knife", Cristina instructed._

_Arizona's eye flashed open. A Knife? What knife? Where did Cristina find a knife?_

_The blonde tired to protest but Meredith gripped her hands and she couldn't move._

_"Arizona this is for your own good", Cristina promised. "We're going to cut your leg off"_

_Arizona was screaming her lungs out. She tried to fight the two women off of her, but she was too weak. How could they cut her leg? They promised to help, not make it worse._

_"Just think of Riley, think of Callie", Meredith repeated once more._

_But by then, Arizona didn't need any more distractions. Slowly her body began to feel heavier and heavier until it loosened completely. Arizona's vision was overpowered by sudden darkness. She couldn't feel anything. Not anymore._

Arizona jumped up to a seated position. She rubbed her temples - her head was pounding from getting up so quickly. _It was just a dream_, the blonde reminded herself. By now she should have gotten used to them; ever since the crash Arizona began to have recurring nightmares. Most of them had to do with her leg or the days she spent in the woods.

But the dreams, as horrific and realistic as they were, weren't the main problem. What bothered Arizona the most was the pain.

The blonde got off the bed and limped to the living room.

* * *

Callie woke up suddenly; she squinted to the alarm clock that was situated on her night stand - it was 3:35 A.M. The brunette rolled over to her left side when she noticed Arizona wasn't in bed. She lifted her head; the light in the bathroom was off so Arizona couldn't be there either.

Callie breathed out as she got off the bed unwillingly. She then walked to the kitchen, where she saw Arizona sitting on the bar stool.

"Hey…", Callie walked towards her wife. "Is everything okay?"

Arizona just nodded. That was a dumb question really, because clearly something was wrong. Arizona looked tired, exhausted even, like she must have been up for a while. Her eyes were puffy and slightly red from crying and her face twitched, like she was in pain.

Callie sensed that her wife was going through something; it wasn't the first time Arizona had trouble sleeping. "Want some tea?"

"You don't have to do that…", Arizona whispered.

"Come on I'm already making one for myself", Callie smiled at her.

"Okay, sure"

Callie turned around and began to heat some water for the tea. "How long have you been up?"

"A couple of hours", the blonde admitted. A soft groan of pain escaped from her mouth as she massaged her left limb.

"It's phantom limb pain right?", Callie asked. It didn't surprise her really, a lot of people suffered from phantom pain after an amputation.

"Yeah…", Arizona sighed with defeat. "I'm going crazy"

The brunette shook her head, "No you're not"

"My left leg is hurting", Arizona stared at her wife; her eyes glistening with desperation. "And I don't have a left leg so…"

"Phantom pain is normal", Callie handed her a warm glass of green tea. "I see it all the time with amputees. There are treatments for this syndrome, you know"

"Please", Arizona chuckled in disregard.

"I'm serious. We can try relaxation techniques, biofeedback, heat application….why didn't you say anything?"

Arizona lowered her eyes. Why didn't she say anything? Callie was already watching her step around her and she didn't need more on her plate. And besides, Arizona finally felt like she was getting her life back together. She got back to work, she was active and now… this stupid phantom pain was keeping her up at night. It was like every time Arizona felt like she was making a progress, something had to come up and push her back to square one.

Arizona breathed out, "I don't know. I guess I didn't think it was worth mentioning. It wasn't so bad before, but it's getting worse now"

Callie took a sip from her tea. She knew Arizona was still mad about the leg, she knew Arizona had a hard time trusting her since the amputation. But putting all of that aside, Callie did prove that she was there. She was nothing but patient and supportive, she hadn't left Arizona's side even once. And it pained her so greatly that Arizona refused to see all of that, just because she made the call to amputate her leg. Did Arizona really not see how much Callie still cared?

"Of course it's worth mentioning Arizona. I want to know what you're thinking, I want to know what you're going through…believe it or not"

It was just the two of them – Arizona had nothing to hide. Callie desperately wished that Arizona would reach her back. That was their chance to mend things, to talk honestly. Callie knew their issues won't be solved in one night, but they had to start somewhere.

Arizona couldn't bring herself to look at Callie. She still felt so…_conflicted_. One part of her felt all of these extreme emotions; she was still so hurt and mad and disappointed. And another part of her just felt numb. There was a reason Arizona put on a "mask" every day. She didn't know how to handle what she was feeling and she sure as hell didn't know how to explain it.

"I could make a few calls in the morning and see what we could do about the pain", Callie said after a few silent moments.

"Okay…", Arizona nodded. "Thanks for the…the tea. I think I'll go to bed, I have a big surgery in the morning"

"I'll join you in a bit"

As Arizona quietly limped back to their bedroom, Callie looked at her wife and her heart sank. Callie was a surgeon; she was taught to fix things other people couldn't. She was good at her job and she wasn't afraid to take on a challenging case. There was always a solution, there was always something Callie could do.

But apparently Callie could help anyone but her own wife. She didn't know how to help Arizona, both physically and emotionally. She had no idea what was going through Arizona's mind and she had no idea how Arizona was feeling. Callie was a world renowned surgeon, but next to her wife she felt helpless.

* * *

"More suction please", Alex ordered.

Arizona and Alex were in the middle of surgery. The blonde didn't do much, she let Alex take the lead this time. First of all, as Alex was a fellow now, Arizona was more willing to let him operate on his own and take charge in the OR. And second - Arizona was _fried_. She was so damn tired, all the time. Her stupid leg , or lack of it really, kept aching even though nothing was wrong with it. She often woke up at night, from the phantom pain or from the nightmares. It was frustrating and annoying and emotionally draining, and Arizona didn't know how to deal with it.

She tried a few of the treatment methods Callie offered her…but she didn't _really_ try. All the relaxation techniques and looking at stupid make-believe waves felt really dumb and irrelevant. Mirror therapy kinda help; the idea behind it was that by looking at her right leg through a mirror, Arizona was rerouting her brain to thinking her left leg was intact and healthy which relieved the pain to some degree. But Arizona couldn't walk around with a giant mirror all the time.

"Hey Alex, you think you can close up by yourself?", Arizona asked simply. "I…I ugh…need to go do something"

At this point the pain in Arizona's left "leg" had gotten so bad that she needed to get out of that operating room - ASAP. Of course she wasn't going to let Alex know why, the man already treated her like some fragile thing since the crash. Arizona knew he cared, but she hated feeling so vulnerable. She was a badass surgeon and the fact she had one leg didn't contradict it. But after fighting through the pain for hours, Arizona felt like she had enough. They were nearly done anyhow, there was no point for her to stick around and Alex was more than capable to close up by himself.

"Uh sure", Alex replied. "You okay Robbins?" He noticed Arizona looked a little…_distracted_.

"Yeah yeah, I'm just a little tired that's all. And I have other patients to check on so just page me when you're done and we'll go talk to the patient's parents", Arizona smiled at Alex and walked out of the OR in a flash.

"Page Dr. Torres", Alex told the nurse when Arizona was out of earshot.

* * *

Arizona entered a vacant on call room; the pain was so controlling that she forgot to lock the door. The blonde sat on the bed and stripped her pants and shoes off; she then took the prosthetic out.

It's hard to explain how phantom pain feels like, mostly because it varies from one person to the other. Arizona felt like she was being stabbed in the left thigh back and forth. She felt burning sensation in her "toes" and "ankle", like her whole leg was being electrocuted. She was going crazy, she must have. She was feeling pain in a part of her that no longer existed.

Arizona stared at her stump. Nothing was there, why couldn't her stupid brain understand that? If she didn't have a left leg then why did it hurt so much?

Arizona then began to massage her limb, hoping it might ease some of the pain away. The fact that she knew the pain was only in her mind, made Arizona even more frustrated. She just walked out of surgery for no reason. Nothing was wrong with her and yet it seemed like the pain wasn't going away.

Tears began to stream down the blonde's face; she couldn't keep it in her stomach anymore. She was exhausted, not only from the lack of sleep but also from putting on a mask every day, from faking a smile and an enthusiastic attitude. From hiding her physical and emotional anguish.

But before Arizona could pull herself together, Callie had entered the room.

"Hey…", the brunette shut the door and locked it behind her.

"wh…what are y...you doing here?", Arizona stuttered. She suddenly felt so embarrassed; she must have looked like a basket case with all the hysterical crying. "how did you know I was here?"

"Alex paged me. He thought something was wrong", Callie admitted. "Is it hurting again?"

Arizona nodded and hid her face with her hands. Stupid Alex couldn't keep his mouth shut. All Arizona wanted was a moment to herself so she could clear her thoughts. Instead, she broke into a complete meltdown and to make matters even worse Callie was there to witness it. Great…everything was just great.

Callie walked towards Arizona and took a sit on the bed. Her heart shattered into a million pieces as she saw Arizona break down like that. When Arizona was in pain, Callie was in pain and when Arizona cried, Callie wanted to cry too.

The brunette took Arizona's hands and uncovered them from her face. "Look at me. Tell me what's wrong"

Arizona resisted and pulled her hands from Callie's, "you want to know what's wrong?"

"Yes", Callie breathed out. "I want to help you, more than anything"

"What's wrong is that you did this to me!", Arizona shouted. "You heard me? You did this to me! This is all your fault!"

Callie just stared at her wife; only this person, this enraged person accusing her of something she didn't do, was not her wife.

The blonde glared at her with blood shot eyes. she wanted Callie to be in pain, she wanted Callie to feel what she was feeling right there. It wasn't fair. Callie made a choice and Arizona was the one paying for it, all the while Callie was living her life happily. Why should Arizona pay for Callie's mistakes?

The brunette cleared her throat as she attempted to form a sentence, though she was honestly still shocked. She didn't expect Arizona to lash out on her in such a way. If anything, it showed Callie just how much Arizona was still hurting. she obviously had a lot of anger inside, a lot of resentment.

"Arizona I know that you're in pain but I just want – "

"No you don't!", Arizona cried. "You don't know how I feel! You have no idea what I have to put up with!"

"Well maybe if you talked to me – "

"Why should I talk to you?", the blonde growled. "you did this to me! I'm in pain all the time because of you. I wake up in the middle of the night, _screaming_, because of you. So no I don't want to talk to you. Because you did this, you made the call and now I have to live with it!"

Callie looked at her wife's tear filled eyes as a bitter smile bent on her face, "this is my life too. I have to live with the implications of that decision too"

The brunette got up from the bed and stormed out of the room angrily. She didn't know whether she should take Arizona's outburst seriously. Did Arizona really mean it? or did she just speak out of pain?

One thing Callie knew for sure, is that Arizona losing her leg was the least of their problems. There were much deeper issues they had to deal with; issues regarding the trauma Arizona had been through and the promise Callie violated. Arizona wasn't just mad or resentful, she was _confused_; she was literally fighting her own self. And as a result of that – she took out all of her frustration and confusion on Callie.

They weren't just an old married couple quarreling. Callie even thought Arizona was starting to hate her. And in all honesty, if things were to continue to deteriorate like that, Callie was starting to think she might turn her back on Arizona too.

But they couldn't just think about themselves – they had a daughter. And the worst part was, that Riley was stuck right in between them. She was watching her moms fall out of love.

* * *

"Okay what's the next ingredient?", Riley asked as she cleaned her hands from some leftover flour.

Today was Arizona's day off and the two spent the afternoon baking chocolate chip cookies together.

"Mom?", Riley called for Arizona's attention.

Arizona's head jerked, "Yeah?"

"What's the next ingredient?", Riley asked again. Something was off with her mom; the woman looked distracted…like she wasn't really there.

The blonde skimmed through the recipe, "Umm…two large eggs", she said as she handed the carton to Riley, "Just make sure no shell slips in"

The girl nodded and resumed adding the ingredients into the bowl.

Arizona was relieved that she had the day off; her phantom pain had been bothering her all night long. She had to spend the night in the shower, staring at her right leg through a mirror as she eventually fell asleep on the bathroom floor. Arizona was consumed with imaginary yet constant pain and if before it just bothered her occasionally, now it was preventing her from doing her job or spending quality time with her daughter.

"Now what?", Riley waited for Arizona to read the rest of the recipe.

Arizona sighed as she fought through the surging pain that was building in the left side of her body; the last thing she wanted was to have another meltdown like the day before. And she especially didn't want Riley to witness that.

"Umm ugh…", Arizona stuttered as she rubbed the cold sweat that was forming on her forehead, "one tablespoon of baking soda"

The blonde kept telling herself that she was imagining. It was all in her head. The pain wasn't real. But Arizona's body failed to respond. The phantom pain grew stronger and stronger until Arizona had to sit down.

"Mom?", the girl asked with concern, "Are you okay?"

Arizona nodded and forced a smile on her face, "yeah…yeah I'm fine sweetie"

Arizona was most certainly not fine. She closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands. She tried working on her breathing; heck, she even tried picturing the ridiculous fake waves.

"Should I get the mirror?", Riley suggested. She was starting to freak out a little, Arizona looked like she was in serious pain and Riley didn't know what to do.

"No…No…", Arizona mumbled.

Arizona felt as is something heavy was pressed on top of her left "foot". In her mind, she could even picture and feel moving her ankle and toes. She sensed a sharp tingling sensation moving from her left thigh all the way to the rest of her limb. The blonde looked down and stared at her prosthetic as an idea popped in her head. She had never tried this method before, but considering the immense pain she was experiencing at the moment, Arizona decided to give it a try. It's not like she had anything to lose.

"Riley…", Arizona panted as she lifted her head and looked at her frightened daughter, "Riley I need you to stab me"

The girl's eyes widened with panic, "say what now?"

"My prostatic!", Arizona exclaimed, "I need you to stab my prosthetic!"

The girl looked at her mom with absolute shock. Arizona was losing it, there was no other explanation. The woman just asked her own daughter to stab her…in her fake leg….

Arizona read an article about a soldier that had to stab his prosthetic leg with a screwdriver because the phantom pain had gotten so bad. It was crazy and a bit disturbing, but it worked.

The blonde glanced to the set of kitchen knives that was placed on the counter, "Riley grab a knife and stab my prosthetic now!"

"I'm calling 911", Riley reached for the phone but Arizona's hands stopped her.

"No, it's fine just stab me!"

"Are you out of your mind!?", the girl shouted back. Was Arizona even hearing herself?

"Riley I know it's weird but you have to do it!", Arizona yelled; her voice rising with a hint of desperation.

The girl shook her head, "I'm calling Callie!"

"No!", Arizona grabbed Riley's arms and made the girl look at her, "you have to do what I'm telling you. Grab a knife and stab my prosthetic!"

Riley took a moment as she tried to figure out what to do. What Arizona was asking her was completely mad but the woman looked serious as can be. The girl knew the responsible thing to do was probably call Callie or an ambulance or something, but Arizona demanded that she won't.

The girl rolled her eyes and huffed with defeat as she grabbed a knife and knelt in front of her mom. She lifted her head up and looked at Arizona one last time.

"Do it", the blonde encouraged.

Riley groaned; she couldn't believe she was about to stab he own mom! That was messed up. That was seriously messed up. The girl took one final breath before sticking the sharp object right through her mom's prosthetic foot.

Arizona watched the girl in action. It was strange because in her mind, she expected to feel the knife entering her skin and hurting her. Yet Arizona didn't feel anything. A relieved smile formed on the blonde's face as her pain diminished to a point she could no longer sense it. Arizona didn't feel the knife because she had no left foot, and she finally redirected her brain into believing it.

Riley's expression remained suspicious as she continued studying her mom's reaction. But the girl didn't expect the sudden burst of laughter that escaped from Arizona's mouth.

"R…Riley", Arizona tried to hold her laughter as she looked at her confused daughter, "you…you should see…you should see your face!"

The girl's skin turned a shade paler and she was breathing heavily. She didn't think the situation was funny at all. "Well you will definitely have to send me to therapy after this", she mumbled sarcastically.

That comment made Arizona laugh even harder, but this time the girl joined her. Arizona then pulled her daughter into a hug, as to let her know she was feeling better now.

"Monkey you have to promise not to tell anybody about this!", Arizona joked; but she felt that the girl would be too embarrassed to talk about this experience anyhow.

Riley giggled, "There is no way in hell that I'm telling anyone!"

"Come on, let's finish making the cookies", the woman smiled at her daughter. The rest of her day went by without any pain and she slept all through the night.

**A/N: So starting next chapter things will really start to spiral down. You've seen some tension between Arizona and Callie in this chapter and you will see more of it. Brace yourselves. It's gonna get ugly.**


	13. Chapter 11

Riley woke up to the sound of the raindrops battering against her bedroom window and the clashing noise of thunder. It was an especially stormy Seattle night and Riley was really glad she was comfortably lying in her warm bed. The girl closed her eyes as she attempted to fall back to sleep. However she then heard loud banging noises forming in the background, and those noises weren't coming from outside. Riley pulled herself into a seated position; she recognized the strange noises were coming from the kitchen.

The girl decided to check what was going on; perhaps they left an open window? It was the middle of the night, Callie and Arizona were sleeping soundly in their own bedroom and the apartment was completely dark.

A yawn escaped from the girl's mouth as she rubbed her sleepy eyes. Yet her face shot with surprise when she saw a dark figure standing right in the middle of the kitchen. The person was mumbling irrationally and it kinda looked like he or she was looking for something. Riley squinted to clarify her vision – it was Arizona.

"Mom?", Riley walked towards the woman; what the hell was Arizona doing?

"I…need….I need matches. I nee – need to find matches. We need to start a fire. We have to s…start a fire"

Riley had no idea what was happening. Arizona was slamming the cabinets and opening the kitchen drawers, but Riley couldn't understand what she was looking for. Arizona's words weren't clear, she was mumbling obsessively and her expression was almost…_crazed_. Her eyes were unfocused and she didn't even seem to hear or grasp that Riley was present.

"Mom what are you doing?", the girl pulled the hem of Arizona's shirt.

The blonde spun around and faced her daughter, "Oh good Lexie! You're alive!", she pulled Riley into a hug. "Thank God you're alive! I couldn't find Mark or or….any of the others. We have to start a fire! They will only see us if we'll start a fire!"

_Lexie?_, Riley thought to herself. Did Arizona just call her Lexie?

Now Riley was really confused.

"Don't just stand there!", Arizona barked at the girl. "Come on we have to start a fire!"

And with that the blonde resumed scanning through the kitchen. She was making so much noise, Riley couldn't believe Callie hadn't woken up yet. Arizona was throwing things out of the shelves, she dropped a bunch of plates and soon enough the kitchen floor was covered with broken glass and spilled drinks or what not.

Riley gulped in panic; whatever was happening to Arizona was starting to scare her. It looked like the blonde was in some sort of a psychotic break; she was aggressive and loud, and Riley was too afraid to come near her.

And then it hit Riley – Arizona was hallucinating. She was dreaming, or maybe she was experiencing some sort of a flashback? She thought she was still in the woods with the others and she thought Riley was Lexie.

"Mom", the girl squeezed the woman's hand, "It's me, Riley. I'm not Lexie"

"There gotta be matches somewhere out here, right? We have to build a fire Lexie it's our only chance", the blonde was in her own little world, it's like she didn't even hear Riley.

"Mom, look at me!", Riley made Arizona physically face her by pulling her arm. "I'm not Lexie. _Lexie's dead_. You're not in the woods. You're at _home_"

It seemed as though Riley's attempts to make Arizona snap out of her dreaming state confused the blonde even more so. Arizona just stared at Riley; she had a blank expression on her face, like she couldn't understand what the girl was saying.

"Listen Grey!", Arizona grabbed Riley violently by the shoulders and shook her forcefully. "You have to help! We need to find the matches, build the fire and then help the others. Understood?"

"y…yeah…", Riley stuttered; the way Arizona held her didn't really hurt, but it was still frightening. "P-please…it's me, it's me!", the girl cried.

Instinctively, Riley tried to pull Arizona's off; but the woman was much stronger and Riley could barely move. She kicked and punched, but none of it helped.

"Arizona please it's me!", Riley pleaded; she was jolting and twitching but Arizona didn't wake up, she didn't even realize she was seizing her own daughter.

"Arizona!", Callie shouted as she ran to the kitchen.

The blonde's head jerked to the side following Callie's booming voice – She woke up. Arizona gasped; what was she doing in the kitchen? What was she doing holding – Riley!

Arizona dropped her hands from Riley's shoulders and the girl fell on the floor. Arizona didn't understand, she was sleeping, she was in bed….how did she end up in the kitchen? She didn't even remember waking up. And how did Riley get there? Oh God what was she doing grabbing her like that?

"Riley are you okay?", Callie asked after she helped the kid get up. Riley just nodded in return; she was clearly scared and her eyes were still scrutinizing Arizona.

Callie walked to Arizona's side. "Hey…look at me", she cupped Arizona's face. "You were dreaming. Everything is okay. You're at home. You were just dreaming"

"Wh – what…what happened? How did I - ?", Arizona's speech was still fragmented.

Callie pulled Arizona and helped her take a sit on the couch; she was really disoriented and confused despite the fact that she was awake. The brunette then knelt in front of her wife, "Arizona you're at _home_, do you understand?"

Arizona covered her face with her hands and began to sob frantically. Her head was pounding and her body was trembling. And every time she tried to recall on how she got to the kitchen, all that came up was a blank spot. She didn't remember getting up and putting her prosthetic on, she didn't remember making all of that mess in the kitchen and she didn't remember seeing Riley.

"Callie…what…what have I done?", Arizona asked as she looked at the frightened girl; Riley wasn't crying but she looked scared as hell.

"Nothing. You did nothing", Callie reassured her. "Look Riley is fine ", she then turned her head to look at Riley as well.

Physically, Riley was fine. Callie got there just in time before Arizona could do…well who knows what she could have done. But that woman wasn't really Arizona; the blonde was hallucinating and had absolutely no control over her behavior or thought process.

"Riley come give your mom a hug", Callie suggested; she thought that might help calm Arizona down.

But the girl was petrified. She couldn't bring herself to come any closer to Arizona or even mouth a word. Riley knew Arizona was having nightmares since the crash and the girl even heard her mom wake up in the middle of the night a few times, but this…this had never happened before. Arizona had turned into a completely different person.

"Riley…", Callie whispered. The girl's whole body flinched when the brunette reached for her hand.

Arizona's chest felt really heavy all of the sudden; like something was pressed on it. Her breathing was shallow and her stomach threatened to empty itself. Oh god, what has she done? And what if…was she really going to? But no, no, no. Arizona would never do that.

It was only when Riley saw the horror – struck expression on Arizona's face, that she changed her mind. Arizona looked sick; her skin was a shade paler and her eyes expressed so much sorrow and anguish. She was devastated by her own actions, by her own self.

Riley took a sit next to Arizona and wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck; she then pressed their foreheads against one another and whispered, "It's okay"

For a moment there, it looked as if Riley was the adult and Arizona was the child. The girl maintained a firm and reassuring tone while stroking her mom's hair as Arizona sobbed uncontrollably in her wife and daughter's arms. They three stayed there for a few moments, wrapping each other in a warm embrace. It was already early morning and the sun was beginning to rise.

* * *

"Hey…", Arizona called as she walked into the apartment.

"Hi, surgery went long?", Callie asked. She was folding some laundry in the living room.

"Yeah", the blonde nodded faintly and hung her jacket on the sofa. She then leaned against the armrest.

"Is the patient okay?"

"Nope. Bled out on the table", Arizona's expression saddened. She already had a crappy day as a result of that horrifying night, and now her patient died. She needed today to be over.

"I'm sorry", Callie gave her wife a comforting smile. She knew Arizona took her loses personally. It was hard not to get involved when treating kids.

"S'okay. Where's Riley? I want to talk to her"

Arizona didn't get a chance to talk to Riley after what happened last night. Callie took Riley to school before Arizona got up and then the blonde was stuck at work until late. Also, Arizona wasn't really sure she knew what to say. She had never hallucinated before and she had no idea what could have triggered her last night. Arizona had no mental recollection of her thoughts and she couldn't explain her behavior. All that Arizona could do, all she wanted to do, was apologize and let Riley know that whatever happened last night was beyond her will.

"Umm…she's at Cristina's"

"Oh", Arizona's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Usually Callie would talk to her before giving Riley permission to come home late. "When is she coming home then? It's already 22:30"

"She's not. She's sleeping over there tonight", Callie knew Arizona was already having a bad day and she must have felt really embarrassed and guilty over what happened last night. Callie didn't want to start a fight with her wife, thought it seemed as if they were heading into that direction.

"How come? And why didn't you talk to me about it?", regardless of their issues, both Callie and Arizona agreed to try and work together for Riley. They were both her moms and they always made sure to make parenting decision together.

"She…", Callie paused to weigh her words. "She didn't want to stay home tonight. She was scared"

Arizona's face darkened with shame, and it truly pained Callie to see her wife like that. Callie knew how Arizona felt, she knew how sorry Arizona was. But when Riley begged her to stay with Cristina for the night, what was Callie supposed to do? Say no? The kid was scared to sleep in her own home.

"Was she scared because of me?", Arizona's voice was barely audible, but it was enough for Callie to hear.

"Yeah…", Callie admitted. "Don't…don't beat yourself over it. We'll go pick her up tomorrow morning and then we'll talk about everything. She'll come around"

Arizona could feel the lump building in her throat. She did it. She finally did it. She pushed her own daughter away, so much so, that the kid was afraid to stay in the same house with her. And the worst part was that Arizona had no control over what happened. She was hallucinating, she wasn't herself. She was as shocked as Callie and Riley were.

Arizona got up and grabbed her car keys from the kitchen counter.

"What are you doing?", Callie began to follow her.

"I'm going to get Riley", the blonde pulled her jacket on.

"Arizona, don't. You'll only make things worse"

"Worse how?", Arizona turned around to face Callie. "I just want to talk to her"

"I know you do, but she's scared so just give her a moment to calm down"

Arizona closed the door and took a few stepped towards Callie. There was something in the brunette's tone that made Arizona suspicious. Callie was oddly okay with the fact that Riley chose to spend the night over at Cristina's instead in her own home. Something didn't make sense.

"Callie, did you make Riley sleep at Cristina's tonight?", Arizona's voice turned angry. Could it be that Callie was scared for Riley and so she made sure the girl would stay out of the house? Was Callie deliberately separating Riley from Arizona?

"No", Callie huffed. "She came to me. She asked me"

How could Arizona accuse her of such a thing? Callie would never keep Riley from her own home, from her own mom. Being this paranoid was so out of character for Arizona. It made Callie even more so worried.

"Look Arizona, I don't know what happened last night. But I think it was an eye opener to all of us", Callie pointed out. If anything it showed Callie how much she failed to recognize Arizona's emotional instability.

"What do you mean eye opener?", the blonde got defensive.

"You went through a horrible trauma Arizona. You were in a plane crash, you were stuck in the middle of nowhere for days. You watched our friends die. I don't know what happened to you there and you won't talk to me about it. In fact you won't talk about it at all. Maybe you should consider talking to a professional instead"

Arizona chuckled, "Like a shrink!?"

"A therapist, yeah"

"Are you out of your mind? No way am I going to see a shrink!", Arizona yelled. She dropped her car keys and jacket back on the kitchen counter.

"Why not? It makes perfect sense. Look honey, I tried to help. I tried being there for you and I promise I'm not going anywhere", Callie tried to hold Arizona's hands but the blonde resisted. "But there are some things that I can't help you with"

Arizona bit her lower lip angrily, "Callie I'm gonna say this once, and then I'm not gonna to say it again. I'm not broken. I'm not some psychodrama. What happened last night isn't some pathology you can pat yourself on the back for having diagnosed. I got over the crash. I got over losing my leg and...and seeing Mark and Lexie die. I'm fine. I got my life back together"

Callie shook her head in frustration, "Arizona you're not, you're not fine. Waking up in the middle of the night, _screaming_, isn't fine. Having nightmares and hallucinations –"

"It only happened once!", Arizona defended herself. God, Callie was seriously exaggerating.

"Oh yeah and what if it'll happen again? you didn't see yourself last night Arizona. You were…you were…I don't how to explain it but you weren't yourself. You didn't even recognize Riley! I don't want to be on guard at all times just in case something might set you off you again. I don't want Riley to be scared in her own home"

Arizona sighed. Callie made it sound like she was a mentally – ill patient… a crazy person. And it was driving Arizona nuts. She was _fine_. Arizona did everything Callie wanted; she got a prosthetic, she started working and now what? What else could Callie possibly want?

"I'm not going to see a shrink. I don't need any help. I'm fine", Arizona muttered. And with that she walked to her bedroom and slammed the door behind her.

Callie slept in Riley's room that night. She wasn't scared from Arizona, she was scared _for _Arizona. The blonde was obviously dealing with some pretty dark issues since the crash and Callie cursed herself mentally for ignoring the signs. In retrospect it all made sense; Arizona was depressed for months, she refused to get out of bed, she refused to see people. The fact that she began physical training and got a prosthetic didn't change all of that. Arizona only took care of the physical implications of her trauma, but what about the mental and emotional repercussions?

Arizona held a lot of conflicting feelings inside her. She was mad, both about the crash and about losing her leg. She was sad and grieving over the loss of Mark and Lexie. She saw some traumatizing images out there in the woods and that ought to have affected her. And a person couldn't just walk around holding all of those feelings inside. It was unhealthy and self destructive.

But how was Callie supposed to make Arizona face her problem?

* * *

"I can't believe I'm watching this garbage", Cristina muttered. She, Alex and Riley were sitting in front of the TV as they watched some crappy cartoon the kid insisted on.

In the 8 months that passed since the crash, Arizona and Callie weren't the only ones having problems with their marriage. Cristina and Owen filed for a divorce and so Cristina found herself renting out a room in Meredith's old house, which was now owned by Alex Karev. It was a weird arrangement and to make things even weirder, Cristina and Owen continued dating despite the divorce. Riley didn't completely understand Cristina's relationship with Owen. But she was sure glad Cristina and Alex lived together now, the kid loved hanging out with the both of them and she often came over to their place. There were no rules in that house. For example today, Cristina gave Riley ice cream for breakfast…with extra sprinkles. Riley could already feel her body twitching from the sugar overload.

"It's not garbage, its SpongeBob!", Alex defended and Riley gave him a high five in return.

"Cristina didn't you watch cartoons when you were little?", Riley asked innocently. Everybody liked cartoons at some point in their lives.

"No!", Cristina tickled Riley. "Only dumb people like Karev watching this crap"

"Shut up!", Alex shoved Cristina's shoulder. He then got up to grab a snack from the kitchen.

"So what happened with your moms?", Cristina asked. When the kid came over yesterday she looked really bothered, but Riley didn't agree to say why and neither did Callie. Cristina thought that now, after Riley had calmed down for a bit, she would want to talk.

"Nothing…", Riley sighed deeply. she was hoping Cristina won't try to bring it up again. "I just needed to get out of that house"

"Is everything okay?", Cristina asked in concern. That last comment Riley made really caught her attention.

"Hey kid your mom's here", Alex commented before Riley could answer Cristina. He saw the car pulling over the driveway.

"Peds mom or Ortho mom?", the girl asked humorously.

"Peds. It's Robbins"

"Crap!", Riley jumped from the couch. She was hoping Ortho mom would come to pick her up.

"Karev", Arizona greeted the man as he opened the door for her. "Monkey get in the car"

The girl thanked Alex and Cristina and walked outside. She then climbed into the passenger seat of Arizona's car (a silver Audi Q7) and buckled her seatbelt.

"Did you have fun with Alex and Cristina?", Arizona attempted to break the ice. She insisted on coming to pick Riley up by herself; she needed to talk to her daughter in private without Callie being there.

"Yep", the girl replied simply.

"What did you guys do?", Arizona asked; Riley's head was turned to the car's window and Arizona wished her daughter would face her when they spoke.

"We just watched some TV"

The rest of the drive home went by in silence. Riley seemed uncomfortable, maybe even mad. She didn't look at Arizona and every time the blonde tried to start a conversation, the girl would just answer dryly or shrug her shoulders.

"Wait Riley – ", Arizona put her hand on the girl's shoulder before she could leave the car. They were just outside their building.

The girl turned her head and looked at her mom. She knew what Arizona wanted to talk about and frankly she wished Arizona wouldn't. Riley wasn't mad at Arizona and she just wanted to forget about the whole thing.

"Sweetie I…I don't know how to start –"

"It's okay", Riley said. "I know you didn't mean it", she even forced a smile on her face.

"it's not okay, Riley. What happened the other night wasn't okay. I don't know what made me do it, what made me think I was back in the…in the woods", the blonde confessed. "I guess when people go through a scary experience it changes them. And the plane crash changed me"

For months Arizona was afraid to admit it, but the plane crash had changed her. Losing her leg had changed her. And Arizona didn't know why it was so hard for her to accept it or why Riley was the only person she could confide in.

"I know. It changed Cristina and the others too", Riley agreed. She noticed it…the _change_.

It was the little things really, which caught Riley's attention. She noticed how distracted Arizona was at times. Like when Riley would speak to her, Arizona would just nod but Riley wasn't sure her mom actually listened. Arizona was tired a lot, almost overpowered really, like she had no hope anymore, like she wasn't looking for the next day.

"Riley I don't want to make you scared or uncomfortable. I want you to feel safe in your own home and I hope you know I wwould never, _never ever_, do anything to hurt you. And I'm sorry if you felt like I was going to…the other day", Arizona brushed the tip of the thumb against Riley's cheek.

It was important for Arizona to make it clear she would never dare to harm Riley. The kid was physically abused before she entered Callie and Arizona's lives, so Arizona knew how frightening the other night must have been to her and how it may have resembled less fortunate times in Riley's former life.

"Mom?", Riley asked as she and Arizona climbed up the stairs to their apartment, while holding hands.

"Mmm?"

"It wasn't the first time", the girl admitted.

The blonde's eyebrows arched in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"The other night wasn't the first time you were hallucinating"

Arizona stopped and faced her daughter, "What? How do you know?"

"Because I saw you. It happened a few times before, but it was never as bad as the other night. Usually you would just wander around the apartment, kinda like you were sleepwalking. So then I helped you back to bed and you fell asleep"

"Riley why didn't you say anything?", Arizona's voice shot with panic. Good God this thing had been going on for months while she was completely unaware.

"I don't know. I noticed you didn't remember once you woke up so I just…didn't bring it up", Riley said. What was she supposed to say? - _Hey mom, remember when you woke up in the middle of the night and started speaking gibberish?_

"Okay, thanks for telling me monkey", the blonde kissed her daughter on the cheek.

Since the crash, Arizona did a lot of research; she looked for information about amputees in particular but also people who underwent serious traumas like herself. She read about soldiers who saw their friends die right in front of them, she read about people who went through terrible accidents and life threatening experiences. All of those people had very different background stories and they suffered from varying injuries. One thing some of them had in common was posttraumatic stress disorder.

Flashbacks, recurring nightmares, hallucinations - those were some of the symptoms Arizona stumbled upon. All in which sounded a bit too familiar.

_But no_. _No way_, Arizona told herself. She was exaggerating, she couldn't have PTSD. Besides she was a surgeon not a freaking shrink, she shouldn't have made any assumptions. It was probably just Callie's words from last night that made Arizona paranoid anyway.

Arizona smiled at Riley as the two entered the apartment.

**A/N: Initially this chapter was more violent but I had to tone it down because I felt like it portrayed Arizona like some "child beater", which of course she isn't nor was it the point behind this chapter. From what I've read and the research I've done, people with PTSD do tend to behave aggressively when hallucinating or experiencing a flashback, even when normally they are not violent people. Arizona is in a dark place and she's going to be in a dark place for a few more chapters…so just keep that in mind.**


	14. Chapter 12

**A/N: I was listening to Sleeping At Last's cover of "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" while writing this chapter. It is such a beautiful cover…though it was played on such a horrible scene on the show…haha**

**Anyway I sorta ended up using it too, hopefully it's not too weird or anything…**

* * *

Riley stepped through the front doors of Grey + Sloan Memorial hospital. Her last two classes for the day were canceled due to the massive storm that was ramping outside. Weather reports indicated it was going to be one of the worst storms Seattle had seen in a while, with hurricane force winds and heavy rains. As the kid walked into the hospital she loved so much, she could clearly see everyone were on survival mode.

The place was chaotic; there were sand bags circling the front entrance to prevent the water from coming inside. There must have been hundreds of people all around the floors, some of them weren't even patients but just people looking for a shelter or a dry place to sit around and wait for the storm to pass. And as if to make things even worse, it seemed as though the generators were about to die. The lights kept flickering on and off, and there were power outages every few minutes.

Riley made her way to the pediatrics department to look for Arizona. She should have walked straight home after her classes were canceled; the hospital was packed and her moms were probably really busy with their patients. In hectic times like this, it was better to stay out of the way. But Riley was worried about the Arizona. The blonde didn't have another hallucination since her last, at least not that Riley knew about, and that was nearly two months ago. But given the fact that Arizona was super busy, Riley just wanted to come by and check on her mom...just in case.

Ever since that night, Riley took it upon herself to look after Arizona and even more so than she did before. The girl constantly reminded her mom to take it easy at work and rest when she needed to. It annoyed Arizona of course; she hated being treated like some incompetent fool. But Arizona didn't have much of a choice, the kid was very persistent. Maybe the only person that was more stubborn then Arizona Robbins herself was Riley. When that kid wanted something – she knew how to get it.

Riley was roaming around the halls of her mom's department but the blonde was nowhere to be seen… maybe she was in surgery? The place was filled with worried and impatient parents and their screaming children. Riley couldn't even ask one of the nurses to page her mom because they were all running around from one patient to the other.

Finally, Riley stumbled upon a familiar face.

"Karev!", Riley shouted and ran to the man's side.

Alex was muttering something unintelligent as he ran around with a huge pile of charts on his hands.

"Not now kid, I'm busy", Alex snapped.

"Can you just tell me where is Arizona?"

"I don't know where she is. I've been looking and paging her for hours", Alex replied angrily. "If you find her, tell her to get her ass over here, the place is packed and there are no OR's available!"

Something didn't make sense. It wasn't like Arizona to disappear and especially not during an emergency, when her help was needed. Arizona was the head of the pediatric department; she had to direct her staff, she had to be there and make sure the place wasn't falling apart.

Riley had to find Arizona. Something felt wrong. The kid didn't really know what it was or what caused her to feel that way, but she had a gut wrenching sensation in her stomach telling her something wasn't right. Arizona not being there, in the middle of all that mess, was not a coincidence.

"Wait Alex –", the kid grabbed the man's arm. "Look you need to help me find Arizona"

"What!?, can't you see I'm busy! I have patients Riley, go find you mommy by yourself!"

"Alex it's important!", the kid demanded.

Alex was about to lash out on the girl; he didn't have time for playing games, he was a surgeon and he had tenths of patients to take care of. But the then he looked at Riley. The girl's skin paled and her eyes widened in panic. The kid wasn't playing any games, she was as serious as can be and it looked like something horrible was about to happen.

"Hey kid - ", Alex rested his hand on the frightened girl's shoulder, "Is something wrong with your mom?"

"I don't know yet, but I think there might be", the girl confessed.

"Let's go find her then", Alex dropped the pile of charts on the nurses' station and followed Riley.

* * *

"Did she answer any of your pages?", Riley asked Alex as they wandered around the hospital halls.

"Nope. Seriously what is going on with her? I paged her like a million times!", the man exclaimed; Arizona was the head of the department and yet Alex found himself taking care of everything for her.

"I don't know, but we'll find out soon"

They looked everywhere. The NICU, the OR's, patients' rooms, supply closets, but they couldn't find Arizona. She wasn't answering her phone or pages either. With each and every minute that passed, Riley's anxiety was growing stronger. If an hour ago she doubted her intuition and tried to convince herself that Arizona was fine, the kid was now a 100% sure something was wrong. It wasn't like Arizona to magically disappear without a trace. It wasn't like her to leave her staff and coworkers during an emergency. It wasn't like her to neglect her patients.

"Are you sure you don't want to page Callie? She would know what to do", Alex pointed out.

"No", the girl insisted. She knew that if Arizona was really going through something, then Callie being there would just make it worse.

"What about this room?", Alex pointed to a side examination room that the two hadn't checked out yet.

Riley stepped inside the room and of course, Arizona was there.

The blonde had her back facing the door; she didn't even turn around to see who entered the room. She was staring at a bunch of x ray scans and mumbling something illogically.

"What the hell?", Alex whispered to Riley. The two of them stood near the doorframe and neither had the guts to come in any further.

"Shhh!", the kid silenced him. "Now go away!", She knew Arizona wouldn't appreciate Alex being there and staring.

"What? No way!", Alex hissed.

"Alex just go! I got it –"

But before Riley could finish her sentence the lights went out. Overwhelmed by the sudden darkness, Arizona  
dropped on the floor; she then pulled her knees to her chest and began rocking herself back and forth. If she didn't look like a mental case before, she sure looked like one now.

"Alex go away!", the girl repeated as she pushed the man out of the way. "And whatever you do, don't page Callie!"

Riley then closed the door and walked to her mom's side. She knelt in front of the blonde and tried to uncover her hands from her face, but Arizona resisted.

"Mom, it's okay. It's just me", Riley said. Maybe Arizona didn't recognize her because the room was so dark?

Arizona wasn't experiencing a flashback like the night before, but she did look a little zoned out. She was trembling and her body cringed every time Riley tried to touch her. Arizona's eyes were lowered to the floor and her speech was jumbled.

"I want to go home. I want to go home", Arizona repeated obsessively. Her expression was petrified and she couldn't bring herself to look at Riley. In Arizona's mind, she was in trouble – and she had to get out.

Riley shifted her position so she would face Arizona, and cupped her warm hands around her mom's face. "Mom, can you hear me? It's Riley"

Arizona's whole body twitched and jumped to the shuddering noise of thunder. The weather outside was worsening; Riley couldn't take Arizona home in that storm. The girl didn't know what do to. If anyone were to find them, Arizona could lose her job; she would be immediately sent to the psych ward and she would be thought of as crazy. But Arizona wasn't crazy, she was just scared and Riley knew she had to calm her mom down somehow and soon.

It was then, that an idea popped in the girl's head. It was a bit radical, but it was worth a try.

_"But I would walk 500 miles_

_ And I would walk 500 more_

_ Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles_

_ To fall down at your door"_

Arizona suddenly brought her head up when she heard the girl's angelic soprano voice. Riley was singing their song.

_"When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be_

_ I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you._

_ And when I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be_

_ I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you"_

Riley wasn't much of a singer, but at that moment she was simply enchanting. Her warm and melodious voice soothed Arizona's body and helped her ease back to reality.

_"But I would walk 500 miles…"_

The girl continued. It was working, Arizona was slowly coming back. The blonde looked at her daughter; Riley's grey eyes were expressing so much concern and worry…but also a little bit of hope.

_"And I would walk 500 more…"_

Arizona sang back, she then pulled her daughter into her arms and sighed profoundly. The girl accepted the embraced and her body loosened with relief. Arizona was back. She was okay now.

What the two failed to see was that Callie saw the whole thing; she was peeking behind the door the entire time. Alex paged Callie immediately after Riley kicked him out. And although the girl insisted that he wouldn't page her other mom, Alex felt like he was responsible to. He acted against the girl's requests, but it was a good thing that he did. What Callie saw behind that door was more than just concerning. It wasn't just the fact that Arizona was still having hallucinations that worried Callie, and it wasn't even for the fact that it happened at their work place in the middle of a freaking disaster. It was seeing how Riley acted that freaked Callie out.

It was like that moment was taken out of a parallel universe; where Riley was the parent and Arizona was the child. It was clear to Callie at that point, that she should have insisted that Arizona would get professional help. She should have never let things deteriorate the way they did. Arizona needed help and it wasn't fair to let Riley, who was still a child, handle all of that on her own.

As if it was some sort of a sign from the Gods, the light finally returned when Callie casually walked inside the room. Arizona pulled away from Riley and the kid helped her stand up in return.

"Hey, is everything alright? I've been looking all over the place for the two of you", the brunette said.

"Yeah yeah…we were just looking at some x ray scans", Arizona made up some meaningless excuse. It was only then that she noticed Riley's clothes were soaking wet. "Hey monkey how about you go with Callie to the attendings lounge? There might be some extra clothes lying around"

"Yeah, come here baby let's go get you a snack too", Callie added. She decided to let things "slide" for now and handle it later after the storm will pass.

The girl nodded and walked to Callie's side. "Mom aren't you coming too?", she asked Arizona.

"I'll catch up with you guys later. I have to umm check on some patients", the blonde wiped her remaining tears unceremoniously and walked out of the room.

"Alex paged you, didn't he?", Riley asked. It wasn't too hard to guess really, no way could Callie have known where they were at without Alex telling her. The girl just hoped Callie didn't witness the whole meltdown.

"Yeah…", Callie brushed some of the hair out of Riley's face. "Riley how did you know something was wrong with Arizona?"

"The storm", Riley admitted. "That's what triggered her. I've noticed she always has hallucinations when it rains, I guess it reminds her of the woods or something"

Callie forced a smile on her face and led the girl to the attendings lounge.

Callie didn't completely understand what was going on with Arizona. But she did know it wasn't something that was going to pass on by itself. Could it be that Arizona had PTSD without her being aware of it? Did Arizona have some sort of an anxiety disorder as a result of the plane crash? All were possible and treatable. But Arizona refused to get help.

It was then that Callie swore two things. One, she was going to do everything in her power to protect her daughter. It wasn't fair to let that kid walk around with the weight of the world on her shoulders, to carry all of that responsibility, to think she needed to take care of Arizona. Riley never really got the chance to be a kid, and that was an experience both Callie and Arizona wanted to give her when they adopted her nearly a year ago.

The second thing Callie promised to herself was that she was going to confront Arizona. And tonight. They were going to talk about everything, the plane crash, the amputation, their marriage…_everything_. There will be no more hiding and lying and pretending everything was fine, when in fact everything was so damn wrong.

Callie didn't know what was going to come out of that talk. But she did know it was a "make or break" kind of talk. And at the end of it, she was going to find out what will happen to her and Arizona. Were they going to fight for their marriage? Or realize that maybe they were beyond repair?

* * *

_Arizona's eyelids felt heavy. Her breathing was shallow, she was wheezing and desperately gasping for air. But every time she tried to take a deep breath, it hurt; like a million needles were injected to her chest cavity all at once. _

_Arizona knew what was happening. After all, she was a surgeon. She was dying. She was slowly dying from hypothermia, as if her fractured leg wasn't enough. And it was only hours before the end. Her heart rate was low. She felt numb and lethargic. Sure, she could fight the urge to fall asleep for now… but not for much longer. _

_The rain didn't stop. For three nights and four days - the rain didn't stop. Arizona's clothes were soaking wet all the way to her underwear and socks. It was so cold that Arizona thought she might freeze to death… that is if the infection or hypothermia won't kill her first. Her muscles were sore and her bones ached._

_ It was so cold._

_It was just so damn cold._

"Arizona?"

The blonde's head turned to the sound of Callie's voice coming from the kitchen. "Hmm?"

It was after midnight, Arizona sat in the living room when Callie showed up with two warm cups of tea. The storm was still raging on outside, but the weather reports said it should pass by the next morning.

"We need to talk", Callie said as she took a sit on the couch across from Arizona.

"Okay", the blonde nodded cautiously. She assumed Callie would want to talk after what happened at work today.

The brunette circled the tip of her index finger around the edge of her glass. How was she supposed to start? There was so much to say. So much the both of them were afraid to admit for all those months. But Callie made a promise; one she wasn't going to break. She and Arizona were going to talk. They were going to have _the_ talk. Whether they were prepared for it or not.

"I saw you today…with Riley", Callie finally admitted. And she still couldn't let that image out of her head. The fact that Riley was more aware of Arizona condition shocked Callie. Was she really that blind?

"Yeah…", Arizona nodded again. "I figured you did"

"Arizona we can't…go on like this anymore", Callie sighed and finally lifted her gaze to face her wife. "It's not fair to Riley. And it's not fair to you and me. So I talked to Owen, he had a similar _problem_ –", Arizona cringed to sound of that word. What problem? What was Callie saying?, "And he gave me his therapist's phone number and – "

"Whoa whoa whoa, what therapist? Callie I'm not going to see a therapist. And what were you doing walking around and sharing that kind of private information with Owen Hunt?"

Arizona knew Callie was the kind of person that processed thoughts out loud, but did she really have to go to Owen? The man was the chief of surgery, he was their boss.

"See, why do you always have to get defensive?", Callie asked; it's like every time she tried to say something Arizona had to cut her off. Could they not have a civil conversation anymore?

"I just…I don't like it when you go around and talk to other people about me. I didn't like it when you did it with Mark and I don't like it now. The man is my boss, Callie. I don't want him to know about this"

Callie snorted; Arizona made it sound like she was the hospital's gossip. "Anyway, Owen gave me his therapist's number. Her name is Dr. Wyatt and I want you to call her tomorrow morning"

"Callie I'm not –"

"Either you call her, or I will", Callie demanded before Arizona could protest. There was no way she was going to let Arizona back away this time.

Arizona laughed, "So what you're giving me an ultimatum now?"

"Arizona why don't you want to get help?", Callie asked thoughtfully. She tried to have a serious conversation with Arizona but all the blonde did was avoid confrontation or make stupid comments.

"Why do you have to make it look like I'm losing my sanity?", Arizona shot back. "You're seriously overreacting"

"_Why_ – ", Callie's tone turned assertive, "don't you want to get help?"

Arizona remained quiet. She didn't utter a single word and Callie didn't know what to make of it. Callie knew she hit one of Arizona's soft spots, and she did it on purpose. She wanted them to have a serious and genuine talk; she wanted to lay everything on the table. But Arizona wasn't cooperative and all she did was glare at Callie and frown in silence.

"I'm serious what is it?", Callie asked again after a long pause. "Are you embarrassed? What…?"

Arizona turned her gaze away. Callie was pushing her and it was only moments before that conversation was going to take a wrong turn. At the same time, Arizona expected this talk to come up at some point. Callie was right in a way, they couldn't continue living the way they did. The awkwardness and uncomfortable vibe that lingered around them was unbearable and it must have made Riley feel uneasy too. Though for some reason, that Arizona had yet to understand, she couldn't bring herself to pour her heart in front of Callie. She just couldn't talk to her like they did before.

"Fine", the brunette said; she couldn't sit in silence any longer. "If you don't want to say anything then I will. Because I have plenty to say Arizona. I think you're _scared_", Callie watched as Arizona eyes widened in shock, "and I know it's hard for you to admit it, but you are. You're afraid to face the fact that you've been to a plane crash. You're scared to talk about it and share what you've seen"

Callie's expression softened as she looked at her wife. Of course Arizona was scared and it was completely natural. She went through horrible and unimaginable pain, both physically and emotionally. Callie knew Arizona is a private person; one that never really liked sharing her feelings, even before the crash. So the brunette understood why Arizona was unwilling to talk about what happened in the woods. However, and with that being said, if there was a person Arizona should have felt comfortable talking to – shouldn't this person be her wife? It was one thing to avoid talking about the crash with other people, but Callie was specifically concerned about the fact that Arizona refused to talk to _her_. And Callie also knew it had to do with the promise she broke.

"I get it", Callie agreed; her eyes locked with Arizona's and all that she projected was compassion and understanding. "You've been through an awful experience and it's hard for you to talk about it, but Arizona you can't just keep it to yourself. I think…", Callie took a moment to weigh her words. "I think that's what makes you feel so angry all the time. You never express your feelings but you're still hurting inside. And it's affecting our marriage, it's affecting our daughter"

Arizona just looked at Callie with absolute amazement. She began to work on her breathing; she even started to count to ten in her head. Who did Callie think she was? Dr. Phil?

"Arizona please…", Callie whispered; Riley was sleeping in the next room and Callie was afraid they might wake her up. "If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine. I…I understand. But there is no shame in going to see a psychologist. I really think Dr. Wyatt could help you. She has experience with veterans and people who went through serious traumas. She will know what to do"

Arizona bit her lower lip; finally Callie was done with that long ass speech. Arizona didn't want to start a fight, she really didn't. Riley was sleeping in the other room and she could easily wake up and hear them tearing each other apart. But that condescending tone Callie had, was making Arizona lose her temper. If Callie wanted to talk, if she wanted them to speak honestly and share everything - that was fine. Arizona was going to let Callie have a little taste of her own medicine.

"Are you done?", the blonde asked angrily; she was really trying not to yell and keep her voice down for Riley.

Callie rolled her eyes; there we go… Arizona was about to snap. "Arizona –"

"No", Arizona bulged before Callie could say anything. "You know what really bugs me? That you keep saying _I know how you feel _and _I get this_ and _I get that_", Arizona mimicked Callie's voice. "But you don't. You weren't on the plane Callie. And you keep acting like you were and you keep acting like you know how I feel, like you know what I've been through… but you don't know"

_Now where the hell did that come from?,_ Callie asked herself. Really Callie began to think Arizona was randomly accusing her of things just to pick a fight.

"You weren't in the woods. You didn't hear the animals fighting over Lexie's body. You didn't hear Mark moaning in pain every night, and you didn't hear me _screaming_ in pain. You weren't there. So you don't get to tell me how I feel", Arizona's voice was frigid; Callie could almost feel the shivers running down her spine. She had no real idea of what happened out there in the woods. Callie figured some of it out from the others, but seeing animals fighting over Lexie's body? Hearing Mark crying in pain? - Callie had no idea.

"Arizona I wasn't trying…I never mean to act as if I was on the plane", Callie apologized. "I was just trying to help"

Arizona chuckled bitterly, "You've done enough already. I don't need your help"

Callie felt as if someone punched her right in the stomach. She couldn't believe Arizona would bring it up after all those months. She though they were past it.

"So it always comes back to the leg, huh?" Callie asked with a broken voice.

Arizona began to feel the lump forming in her throat. She didn't want to cry, but she knew she was going to. "I lost everything on that plane. Not just my leg…I lost little pieces of myself", Arizona confessed and her eyes immediately lowered; it was hard for her to make eye contact with Callie. "We waited for days. I thought we were all going to die. You and Riley…you were the only ones I had left. And I counted on you, Callie. I trusted you. More than anyone else"

Callie didn't know what to say. It was heartbreaking to see Arizona finally letting her guards down and everything she had been holding on to for months. Callie literally had to fight herself from wrapping her arms around her sobbing wife, for she knew Arizona wouldn't like that.

Arizona wiped the small tears that were sliding down her face. To Callie, it was just about the leg. But that wasn't the case for Arizona. She got over losing her left leg. She accepted the fact that she was now an amputee. She learned to live with it. But the thought that Callie completely violated her trust, haunted Arizona's thoughts relentlessly. She got over the leg, but not the broken promise.

"I trusted you and you promised to save my leg", Arizona continued. "You promised not to give up on me. _But you did_. And then you let them cut my leg off"

"Arizona, I only agreed to amputate your leg in order save your life!", Callie shouted desperately. Why couldn't Arizona see that? Yes Callie made a promise, one that she should have never made. But she also promised to be there for Arizona in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. She vowed to be there for Arizona the day they got married. Callie made a commitment to keep her wife alive.

"Well…maybe you shouldn't have", Arizona muttered.

Now that really hit Callie. And she wasn't sure whether to take Arizona seriously or not anymore. What was Arizona saying? That she would have preferred to die than to lose her leg? That was crazy. And disturbing.

"Arizona if you're looking for an apology, then you're not going to get one", Callie fought her tears. "I know this is not what you want to hear, but I'm not sorry for giving Schechter the call to amputate your leg. I chose to save your life and I stand behind that decision. And if I were to go back, I would make that same decision all over again"

Arizona dropped her head into her hands. That was low. It's like Callie didn't even care for the fact that she completely betrayed her, that she threw away all the trust they shared between them. Callie really wasn't sorry and she showed no hint of remorse.

"Is that all that you see when you look at me?", Callie cried; she felt as if someone was stabbing her right in the heart. "I'm just the person that amputated your leg now, aren't I? It doesn't even matter that I stood by you _for months_! That I supported and encouraged you _for months_!"

"_Stood by me?_", Arizona snapped. "Callie all you did was making me feel like a freak. You let your interns stalk me with chairs and coffee. You made everyone around the hospital stare at me. You made Karev page you every time the smallest thing happened. And Riley…you made her think I was a burden. Like she had to take care of me because I was disabled and I couldn't do anything by myself anymore"

Callie shook her head in frustration. Callie had stuck by her wife's side for months. She was there even when Arizona yelled at her, even when Arizona refused to talk to her, even when Arizona purposely pushed her away. How could Arizona be so ungrateful?

"You're _suffocating_ me", Callie's jaw dropped to the sound of Arizona's words. "I'm trying to move forwards but you keep reminding me of the past. I already have a physical reminder from the crash. I don't need _you_, to keep reminding me of it too!"

Callie was beyond speechless. In fact she felt so numb she wasn't even that insulted. _You're suffocating me_, Arizona's words made Callie's head ache. How could Arizona say that? And did she really mean it? Callie didn't know and in a way she didn't even care anymore.

"I don't need you to apologize for amputating my leg, Callie. Because I will never forgive you"

The two just kept staring at each other for a few more moments. There was nothing else to do really. Arizona felt sick. She couldn't believe she just said such harsh and hurtful words. And to Callie! To her wife! Arizona couldn't recognize herself anymore. She always had a temper and a bit of a potty mouth, but she never dared to be this disrespectful towards Callie. And at the same time, the blonde felt _relieved_. Like the weight of a plane had been lifted off her shoulders.

Arizona had to get away. She couldn't look at Callie. She could stay in that apartment anymore. The blonde grabbed her jacket and car keys and bolted outside.

Callie didn't follow her. She knew coming in that this talk was a make or break for her and Arizona.

**A/N: the next two chapters are going to be a little different…I promise there's a point to everything, just bear with me!**


	15. Chapter 13

**A/N: hello everyone! First of all, thanks for all the wonderful reviews! It really means a lot. And second, this chapter will be a little different, it's written in first person narrative and it's from Arizona's POV. Just reminding everyone that on the last chapter, Arizona and Callie had a pretty intense fight and then Arizona walked out. So we're picking up from that point.**

**This is not a "Callie bashing" chapter. I know so far Arizona had been a complete ass but that sort of behavior pattern has a lot to do with her PTSD and hopefully this chapter will help you understand more of her inner struggles. Everything is based on real research. **

**Hope you guys like this chapter! It's kinda dark though…**

* * *

I pushed the keys into the ignition, slammed the door shut and started the engine running. The wheels squeaked against the slippery road as the car bolted into a fast drive.

It wasn't a good idea, to just take off in the middle of the night while a freaking thunder storm was raging outside. The rain was so heavy that I could barely see the road ahead. The streets were all flooded and the winds were so strong that I thought the car might turn over. It wasn't safe to be outside, but I had to get out. I had to get as far away as physically possible from that…that _toxic_ environment. I had to get away from _Callie._ I made my way outside of town to a deserted highway and just drove to the distance. I had no idea where I was heading to. I had no plan, no specific direction. My only goal was to get away.

I consider myself a responsible driver, but I wasn't acting like one that night. My right foot never let go of the gas paddle and I was way over the speed limit - but I didn't care. The roads were slippery and twisty and I could have easily lost control over the car - but I didn't care. That was the point – to lose control. And it felt so damn good.

I could feel the warm flashes of adrenaline surging through my body. It was such a rush… to finally let go. To finally toss the fake happy attitude aside, to throw away all the pretend smiles and enthusiastic tone. I felt so relieved. After months of putting on cheerful masks and after months of desperate attempts to make it through the day – I could breath.

I rolled the car's window down and let the cool Seattle wind wash my face. I was fuming. I was outraged. I was hurt. In fact I was so angry, that it made me want to punch someone. And I was taught how to punch. I was taught to punch well, so I would only have to punch once. But since violence wasn't an option, I figured that reckless driving would do the job instead.

I didn't know what was wrong me. I just felt so angry all the time. I felt frustrated and confused and ecstatic and scared and then…and then angry again. I just felt every single emotion all at once and all the time. And there was no middle ground. No, my emotional scale was either on a zero or on a hundred. I would either not care, or I would completely explode. And it was exhausting… to constantly feel. It was exhausting.

I knew I was being irrational. I knew I wasn't acting like myself…but I didn't know how to stop. And Callie constantly reminding me of the fact that I wasn't okay, only made me angrier.

Who the hell did _that woman _think she was? Callie had no right to say anything! She wasn't on the plane. She wasn't stuck in the middle of nowhere for days and she hadn't lost a limb. What did she think that I liked having nightmares? Did Callie think that I enjoyed wandering around the apartment at night, because the thought of falling asleep was too frightening? Did she think that I liked feeling so lost and helpless? That I enjoyed the way people stared at me at work - like I was some sort of a lunatic that escaped from an asylum? Because I didn't. I hated it.

I hated feeling so paranoid. I hated feeling like I was constantly under a threat. I hated the haunting images and echoing voices and I hated feeling like at any given moment I would have to fight or run for my life. I hated crying for no reason, just because the darkness was sometimes too hard to handle. I hated feeling so alone and isolated. I hated feeling so much hate inside me and I hated hating Callie.

_If you're looking for an apology, then you're not going to get one_

I just kept replaying that heated argument in my head over and over again; I wasn't even paying attention to the road. I kept picturing Callie's hurt filled eyes and terror - struck expression. I couldn't stop hearing the disappointment and pain that was in her voice. And I couldn't stop feeling the nauseating sensation in my stomach.

_I'm just the person that amputated your leg now, aren't I? It doesn't even matter that I stood by you for months! That I supported and encouraged you for months!_

Callie said some things that night. I said some things that night. Horrible, unforgivable things. And I didn't know if we were able to get passed it. We hit rock bottom. We must have. And I didn't know how to resurface.

If I were to go back, let's say a year ago, I would never have believed I was capable of expressing such spiteful words. And especially not to Callie, the woman that I love, the person I married, my daughter's mom. That is not how our lives were supposed to be.

I always thought Callie and I were invincible. It was innocent and dumb in a very "hopelessly romantic" kind of way, but we've been through so much throughout the years. From the very first few months we shared together as a young couple, to our first years as newlyweds, to our journey to parenthood when we adopted Riley nearly a year ago. We've been through a lot, but I never had even one hint of doubt or worry in me. For I knew that as long as we had each other - Callie and I - we were able to pull through anything.

But who knows now… and it just shows that no one has a safety net. One moment you're in love, maybe even starting a family and the next you're lying on a hospital bed as everything you had falls apart and everyone you knew stabbed you in the back. Because that's life…changes in an instant, turns on a dime. And apparently you just gotta lay back and enjoy the ride.

After pointlessly driving for over an hour, I could feel my body sinking into the car seat. Actually, I was getting pretty sleepy. My eyelids felt heavy and I was losing my concentration. It was almost 2:00 A.M and after a long day at work, it would have made perfect sense for me feel tired. But what I was feeling at that moment wasn't just "normal" exhaustion following an intense day over at the hospital. It was a strange and unfamiliar kind of sleepiness.

My vision was starting to get blurry and I kept rubbing my eyes but it didn't help. I kept stretching and shifting in my seat, but I felt as if was sucked into an odd state, until I no longer had control over my mind and body. My last memory was seeing the dark road ahead morphing into an unusual setting.

And then… everything went black.

* * *

_My eyes opened._

_I was blinded by the piercing rays of sunlight and I blinked a couple of times in an attempt to recover my sight. All that I could see were brown and green spots – what were those? Were those trees? I looked up and I saw the bright blue sky. Freaking sky._

_I concluded that I was lying down. I was lying down, on a wet ground, surrounded by trees, and I had no freaking idea how I got there. We were…we were on a plane. Mark, Lexie, Meredith, Cristina, Derek and I. We were on a plane on our way to Boise. But we were most certainly not on the plane anymore._

_Gradually my brain began to recuperate and my consciousness cleared. Someone was screaming. Really screaming…shrieking even. It was really annoying and I wondered how come no one was doing anything about it._

_I tried to get up, but my body didn't respond. I was only able to move my head to the sides, but my hands and legs didn't follow. Perhaps I was in shock. I couldn't bring myself to open my mouth and utter a word. My breathing was shallow and my heartbeat was low. I was dumbfounded. Petrified. Like someone was holding me in place and prevented me from getting up._

_The screaming didn't stop. Whoever that was needed to shut up… and fast._

_There was a strange smell in the air; sort of a mix of wet dirt, and trees…and fuel. I turned my head to the right, following the loud chugging noise, where I could clearly see one of the plane's engines - and it was still spinning._

_Waves of panic shot through my body. What was I doing staring at the plane's engine? I turned my head to the other side, where I spotted the front of the plane. However the plane's tail and the wings were nowhere at sight. _

_The devastating realization then hit me – the plane had crashed. I was on a plane and it crashed. I was literally in a plane crash. _

_I had to get up. I had to get up. I had to get up. _

_But nothing happened. I couldn't lift my arms or legs. I couldn't even feel my arms and legs, I couldn't feel anything! I was completely numb. I had to get up. I had to check on the others. I had to see if they were all still alive. And and…I had to get help. I had to find a phone or whatever and get help! _

_I was starting to panic. What if I was paralyzed? Maybe that was the reason I couldn't get up. I could have easily injured my spine or my neck. Every instinct I had in me was telling me to get up. My nervous system was sending flight responses to the rest of my body, but I wasn't able to move._

_My heartbeat accelerated; I was pulsing so rapidly that I thought my heart might bulge out of my chest. My pupils dilated in fear and my head ached. I was going to have a heart attack or a stroke or something and that was it. That was how I was going to die. _

_Suddenly a dark figure began making its way towards me. My sight was still hazy and I had a hard time recognizing the person before me. I was however, able to identify the person was a man._

_"Robbins! Robbins can you hear me?", the man asked; he then knelt on my right side and shook my shoulders forcefully._

_It was Mark. His face wasn't that clear yet but I recognized his voice. I could recognize his irritating loud ass voice anywhere. It usually annoyed me, but I was sure glad to hear it now._

_I tried to reply, I tried to say something back. But alas, my efforts were useless. And the screaming in the background continued. It was really freaking me out. Seriously, who the hell was that?_

_"Arizona!", Mark yelled again; he then rested his palm over my mouth and suddenly the horrific screaming had stopped. I mentally facepalmed myself. The annoying screaming belonged to me. I wasn't able to reply because I was screaming. _

_"Robbins, in 10 seconds I'm gonna take my hand off but you won't freak out this time, okay? You are not going to scream", Mark instructed as his eyes gazed into mine. His hair was all muddled and his face was covered in dirt and blood. I was only able to imagine that I looked just as bad, if not worse._

_I nodded sheepishly as Mark uncovered his hand from my mouth and helped me into a seated position. I felt my heart dropping as I took a better look at our surrounding. We were in a forest, in the middle of nowhere. Our backpack and personal belongings were all scattered on the ground. There was a giant piece of metal, perhaps the plane's wing, catching on fire and the damp air was mixed with black smoke._

_I was about to ask Mark whether he had found the others yet, when he grabbed my forearm aggressively, "Robbins hit the brakes", Mark mumbled._

_"What?", I gave him a confused look; what the hell was he talking about? What brakes?_

_"Hit the brakes now!", the man shouted._

My head jerked forward as I suddenly awoke.

I didn't have time to blink or even grasp what was happening because before I knew it, I looked up and saw a truck heading before me. I gasped loudly and shut my eyes just as I hit the brakes. The next thing I heard was the horrific noise of clashing metal as the front of my car smashed into the vehicle in front.

I did not wake up this time.

* * *

**A/N: deep breaths everyone, deep breaths. Arizona will be fine…or not…**


	16. Chapter 14

**A/N: You people deserve a quick update after that mean cliffhanger. Just know, the italics are flashbacks. This chapter is kinda weird but I hope you'll like it!**

* * *

_Callie blew her nose into a piece of tissue paper and whimpered loudly as the loving couple shared a passionate kiss on her TV screen. She and Arizona broke up over a week ago, but the brunette wasn't anywhere near getting over that. How could she? A week ago she was sure she found the love of her life, the person she was going to spend the rest of her existence with and now…now Callie was sobbing uncontrollably in front of the TV screen, buried by the mountain of tissues with a giant bucket of vanilla ice cream on her lap. And on a Friday night! She felt pathetic._

_They decided to take "a break" but the both of them knew it was over. They were in different places in their lives – Callie wanted to settle down and start a family while Arizona wanted to travel and have fun. They weren't on the same page anymore. _

_Callie hadn't seen Arizona in a week and she already felt like she was losing her mind. She tried distracting herself by taking extra shifts at work, she didn't dare to come anywhere near the pediatrics department. Callie even avoided the elevators and she didn't go to Joe's after work for fearing she might accidentally run into Arizona. However Callie's efforts were useless. Everything reminded her of the gorgeous blonde. So Callie's only choice was to lock herself in her apartment and drown her sorrows away in fattening foods and alcohol._

_God did Callie miss Arizona. She missed feeling the blonde's warm body pressed against hers as they cuddled at night, She missed waking up to Arizona's stunning bright blue eyes and she missed the soft moans Arizona made when they kissed. Callie missed Arizona. She missed everything about her._

_But deep down, Callie knew they made the right call in breaking up. What is it they say? If you really love someone you gotta let them go? Callie didn't want to be the person that kept Arizona from achieving her ambitious career goals and similarly, the blonde didn't want to be the person that prevented Callie from having a baby and starting a family one day. They loved each other too much; and as painful as it was for the two of them to say goodbye, staying together would have only hurt them more._

_Callie groaned when she heard someone knocking on the door. She got up unwillingly and began making her way to the entrance. It was getting kinda late and Callie didn't expect any company; perhaps it was Mark though, coming in to check on his best friend._

_The brunette's eyes widened in total shock when she finally opened the door. _

_It was Arizona._

_"Hey…", the blonde mumbled._

_Callie's heart skipped a beat; Arizona was definitely the last person she expected to see tonight. Already a huge grin threatened to form on the brunette's face just from simply looking at her ex girlfriend. Callie then quickly tried to wipe the remaining tear stains off her face but it was pretty obvious she had been crying._

_"Hey…", that was all that Callie was able to pronounce; she was still so stunned by the unexpected visitor._

_Arizona didn't say anything; being this spontaneous wasn't really like her. But Arizona had to see Callie – that was the only thing she had in mind. _

_Callie swallowed and cleared her throat after a long pause, "would you umm…do you want to come in?"_

_Arizona's head was racing; she obviously didn't think this through. There were all these things she wanted to say but Callie's miraculous big brown eyes were distracting her._

_"We'll have kids", the words just blurted out of Arizona's mouth._

_Callie gasped and her eyebrows arched in confusion, "What?"_

_ "All kinds of kids", the blonde continued, "And…and umm…we'll live in a big house with a yard…and dogs and chickens…"_

_Callie didn't understand. Somehow her seemingly pathetic and lonely night had turned into her biggest and wildest wish. Arizona was there, saying everything that Callie ever wanted. Arizona came back. It was almost too good to be true, but maybe they did stand a chance after all. _

_"I always thought I wasn't cut out to be a mom, but you'll be a great mom. You'll be an amazing mom", Arizona stated candidly while linking her glistening blue eyes with Callie's._

_"Arizona…", the brunette breathed; her musical voice deep with lust and longing. _

_"And I can't live without you and our ten kids –"_

_Callie's lips found Arizona's before the blonde was able to finish her touching confession. She felt her blood boiling underneath her skin as hot flashes washed over her body. Arizona's heart hammered rapidly against her chest; she locked her arms around Callie's waist while the brunette's firm hands held her cheeks. The two melted into a deeper kiss as Callie traced her tongue along the shape of her girlfriend's lips and the blonde let out a gentle moan filled with pleasure._

_"I love you", Arizona whispered while pressing her forehead against Callie's._

_Callie pulled back a little as she tangled her fingers in Arizona's golden hair, "I love you too"_

* * *

_Arizona came rolling on her Heelys as she stopped in front of her favorite patient's room. The surgeon leaned on the doorframe when a broad smile formed on her face. The patient's name was Riley, an 11 year old girl who had been hospitalized under Arizona's department for nearly a week now. The little girl was lying on the bed with her face turned to the window; she didn't even notice her doctor was dreamingly watching her from the side. _

_It was getting kinda creepy actually, but Arizona was slowly turning into a stalker. She came to visit Riley four sometimes five times a day, without any medical necessarily; she put a herd of nurses around the girl and ordered them to give her hourly updates. _

_Arizona didn't know how to explain it – but there was something about that girl. Something different. _

_Arizona didn't just take special care for her and it was more than a simple doctor – patient relationship. And that realization frightened Arizona. It was highly inappropriate, not to mention unprofessional and above all – it was weird!_

_But one look at the girl's breathtakingly beautiful grey eyes and all of Arizona's worries were forgotten. She didn't care that she was crossing a line and she didn't care that her colleagues were starting to think she was going "soft". There was something about that girl that kept drawing Arizona in, and the surgeon had to find out what it was. _

_Arizona couldn't stop looking at the little girl; but not in a perverted way or anything. It was a strange feeling, one that Arizona had never experienced before and most certainly not for a patient. Every time Arizona saw Riley, she felt a certain warm sensation in her chest and every time she saw the little girl cry, Arizona felt her heart breaking into a million pieces. She just wanted to scoop the girl's tiny body and hold her forever. _

_Yep, definitely weird._

_The blonde stepped inside the girl's room as casually as possible, though she noticed the suspicious looks the nurses were giving her. She came to visit Riley about an hour ago so it wasn't like the kid's condition had changed or anything. But Arizona couldn't help herself, the girl was asleep before and she didn't get to talk to her._

_"Hey Riley", Arizona took a seat on the edge of the girl's bed. _

_Riley didn't say anything; she didn't even turn her head around to face Arizona. That wasn't shocking, the girl wasn't very talkative, or very nice for that matter, and she refused to speak or even acknowledge the nurses or doctors' presence._

_"How are you feeling today?", Arizona's tone remained cheerful; maybe today the girl would surprise her and say something back, "I came to check on you earlier but you were asleep"_

_In a sudden yet fragile moment a few nights ago, Arizona somehow coaxed the girl into talking. The girl confessed that she ran away from her foster family after being physically assaulted. Though she hadn't said a word since. _

_Arizona felt for the girl. She understood that it was hard for Riley to trust other people after being treated so horribly. And Arizona understood that Riley must have been scared out of her mind. But Riley's distant behavior was starting to be alarming. She refused to eat or take her medicine, and her lack of cooperation was affecting her recovery. Arizona desperately wanted to help her, but boy was the kid stubborn. So Arizona knew she had to get the girl to trust her again, before anything. _

_Riley was going to speak to Arizona one day - whether the kid liked it or not. Because Arizona was known to be pretty stubborn too. Arizona wasn't going anywhere and Riley was better to accept that. _

_Arizona emptied a large pile of various candy bars from her lab coat's pockets, anything from Twizzlers to Snickers to M&M's – it looked like the woman robbed a vending machine. What kid could say no to candy? No one. Not even stubborn ones like Riley. _

_The kid turned her head to Arizona, following the rattling noise of wrap paper. Arizona giggled when she saw Riley's eyes widen in shock to the sight of all that chocolate and candy. _

_"Alright don't tell the nurses", Arizona smiled at the girl, "I know this stuff isn't that good for you but I mean anything is better than hospital food, am I right?", the blonde joked; though she had one tough audience._

_Arizona could tell that the girl was dying to get her hands on all of that candy; she was especially eyeing the Reese's peanut butter cups. But Riley insisted on keeping her poker face on._

_"It's okay, take it", Arizona encouraged but Riley just glared at her in silence, "I won't tell anyone"_

_The surgeon sighed heavily; she was sure using candy was the way to go. Any other kid would have already eaten half of that pile. Riley's silent treatment was getting ridiculous._

_"Fine", Arizona shrugged her shoulders as she grabbed the orange candy wrap and pulled out a Reese's cup, "all the more chocolate for me"_

_Arizona took a big bite of the chocolaty goodness and she noticed how the kid's palms curled into fists. Riley pouted her lips and her expression turned into a cold frown. She wanted that Reese's cup so badly, but she wasn't going to let Arizona "break" her._

_Arizona chuckled as she finished the rest of the chocolate. She was starting to feel bad for the kid; it was obvious Riley was fighting her own self._

_"Riley how about I'll leave the rest of the candy here", Arizona suggested, "And then I'll leave the room so you could eat it without me noticing, huh?"_

_The tip of the girl's mouth had nearly curled into a smile but she was able to control herself just in time without giving Arizona any positive reassurance._

_The blonde turned around and left the room; though in the corner of her eye she already saw the kid reaching out for the second Reese's cup. That girl just made Arizona's whole day so much better._

* * *

_Arizona sighed profoundly as she climbed out of her car and made her way up the stairs to her apartment. It was getting late and Callie was already at home, probably comfortably snuggling with Riley in front of the TV. _

_Arizona had a horrible day at work. There was a school bus crash with massive casualties and she spent the whole day bouncing between one OR to the other. She lost two of her patients – a boy and a girl - both around Riley's age. Arizona always took her losses personally, but since she became a mother herself it pained her to see her patients die even more so. _

_A month passed since Callie and Arizona finalized Riley's adoption and their life couldn't have been more perfect. The little girl brought in so much love and light into their household that it was hard for Callie and Arizona to picture the way their lives used to be before they got Riley. _

_Funnily enough, that was not the way Arizona had imagined her life would turn into. As a young adult, Arizona always dreamed about traveling around the globe, aiding sick children and inventing new medical breakthroughs. She had a whole plan figured out – Harper Avery award by 30, maybe a second one by 35 and of course a Noble Prize sometime by the end of her world renowned career. _

_But the universe is full of surprises. Arizona may have been in a completely different stage in her life at that moment, she was heading towards her 40s with no Harper Avery award and no Noble Prize, but she had plenty to be proud of. And she wasn't willing to trade her family for any fancy award. _

_The blonde opened the apartment's door and her face immediately lit up. Her beautiful wife and adorable daughter were dancing wildly to Beyonce's "Single Ladies". Callie turned her head to the side when she heard Arizona coming in. The blonde wore a sad expression on her face and her eyes were slightly red from crying. Callie sensed that her wife had a rough day and she knew exactly how to cheer her up._

_Callie drew her hand in front of Arizona, "Dance it out!"_

_Those three words were all that it took to convince Arizona to join her wife and daughter's little dance party. Now Callie was an exceptional dancer; that woman knew how to shake her hips and move her waist just right. Arizona always considered herself to be an "okay dance", she wasn't quiet as skilled as Callie was, but she wasn't that awful either. But man, Arizona had no idea Riley was a good dancer. That kid had some serious moves._

_The three rolled inh laughter as the song ended and put their crazy dancing into a halt. Arizona was so thankful for having Callie and Riley in her life; the two cheered her up in no time._

_"Hey Riley are you hungry?", Callie asked innocently; she signaled Arizona to play along._

_Riley gave her moms a confused look. They ate dinner a couple hours ago, of course she wasn't hungry. "Umm no why?"_

_Callie sighed, "Oh that's too bad"_

_"Yeah we were going to make a sandwich", Arizona added playfully._

_"What kind of a sandwich?", the kid had absolutely no idea what her moms were talking about._

_Arizona had to cover her mouth with her hand to hold her laughter, "Callie what kind of a sandwich was that again?"_

_"Mommies Sandwich!", the brunette exclaimed._

_The two women wrapped Riley on either side and brought her into a tight hug. The girl squealed and giggled with joy as the two drowned her with kisses._

_"We love you so much monkey", Arizona said after exchanging a smile with her wife._

_Riley lifted her head and looked at her moms, "I love you too"_

* * *

"Arizona?", Callie ran to the living room once she heard the door opening.

Callie had been worried sick. Arizona just took off! For three hours! And she didn't answer any of Callie's calls or text messages. The brunette even contemplated calling the police. What if Arizona had been to an accident? Or what if she tried to hurt herself? The blonde was clearly upset after the horrible fight she had with Callie, and who knew what she could have done.

Arizona just stood by the entrance and leaned against the door. She didn't look well, in fact she looked like she was about to get sick. Arizona's skin was pale, her eyes were wide in shock, and she appeared light headed and off balance.

"Hey are you okay?", Callie took a step closer towards her wife. She was about to lash out on Arizona and let her have a little piece of her mind; how could Arizona just leave in the middle of everything? They were finally having a real and honest confrontation. But the brunette stopped herself when she saw the perplexed look Arizona had on her face – something happened.

"I umm uh…", the blonde stuttered; she was obviously disoriented and was having trouble explaining herself.

"Oh my God, are you bleeding?", Callie's voice rose in panic when she saw the gushing wound on Arizona's forehead.

Callie then helped Arizona take a sit on the living room sofa. "Tell me what happened", she demanded as she knelt before her wife.

"I umm…I was in a car wreck", Arizona's face twitched in pain when Callie examined her bruise, "I was driving and a truck came out of nowhere"

Callie's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "what do you mean 'a truck came out of nowhere'?"

Callie turned Arizona's face to the light and checked her pupils for a concussion. There was something about the blonde's apparent puzzlement and incoherent speech pattern that alarmed her.

Arizona swallowed, "I…I was driving and then….", she shook her head. Arizona didn't really know what happened next. She couldn't remember.

One moment Arizona was driving and then…everything turned black. When she opened her eyes her car was smashed into another vehicle. Thankfully nothing too serious happened; the only real damaged was to the front of Arizona's car. And so after exchanging her contact information with the truck driver, and assuring him that she was feeling well, Arizona made her way home.

"Callie", Arizona took her wife's hands in hers, "I think I need help"

"What, you think you need to go to the hospital?", Callie asked in concern; apart from that nasty cut and a bunch of scrapes and bruises, Arizona seemed to be fine.

The blonde shook her head again. "I think I need help", her voice was shaky and her eyes shimmered in fear.

Something wasn't right with Arizona. Something wasn't right for a while now, and everybody knew it. Callie knew it; she tried convincing Arizona to go to therapy for what seemed like forever. Riley knew it. Even Arizona's colleagues knew it. And deep down, as hard as it was for her to admit it, Arizona knew something wasn't right with her as well. She needed to go see a therapist and she needed to get professional help. She could no longer ignore the signs and she could no longer live in denial. Arizona had nearly died. She was driving, she lost control and a truck came out of nowhere. She needed help.

"Okay", the brunette nodded in understanding, "Okay. We'll get you help, I promise"

Arizona found herself falling into Callie's welcoming arms. She didn't know what was happening to her, and it was frightening. The realization that she needed help was frightening. Accepting that something wasn't right with her, was frightening.

Callie held Arizona's trembling body and stroked her hair all through the night. The blonde finally fell asleep at around 5:00 A.M, but Callie remained awake. She couldn't fall asleep. What if she were to lose Arizona? What if too much damage has been done?

_But no_, Callie stopped herself. She couldn't think like that. Something wasn't right with her wife and it was time for Callie to be the strong one.

* * *

**A/N: So you know how in the movies, when a person is in a near - death experience he will see his whole life flashing right before him? I guess that was what I was trying to do here too. Also, this story turned out quite heavy so I figured we could all use some happy times.**

**The first flashback is from the time before Callie and Arizona were married, when they broke up over having babies; just my little play on the "I can't live without you and our ten kids" speech. The second is supposedly from the time before Callie and Arizona took Riley in, when they just met the girl. And the last flashback is from somewhere after the adoption but before the plane crash.**

**But most importantly this chapter served as a realization moment for Arizona. It will still take some time before Callie and Arizona could start mending their relationship but Arizona asking for help is the beginning of it.**


	17. Chapter 15

"Dr. Robbins this is your third session and you still haven't said anything", Dr. Wyatt pointed out impatiently.

Dr. Wyatt was a middle - aged woman with striking red hair and piercing blue eyes. She sat on a leather armchair with a blank notepad situated on her lap. Arizona sighed; of course she didn't say anything – the whole situation was weird and uncomfortable. The blonde sat on a red sofa just across from Dr. Wyatt. Her eyes were lowered and she played nervously with her hands.

"I uh…I read a study that said that, just the act of going to therapy is beneficial… even if you don't say anything", Arizona, being the "know it all" that she is, replied.

The older woman smiled at her patient, "so you though you would come here and just sit? That's how you're going to solve your problems?"

"I don't have any problems", Arizona said dryly.

That was a lie of course, and Dr. Wyatt knew it. Everyone has problems. The psychologist sensed that Arizona was going to be a "special" case. One that needed a little extra push to motivate her. That was alright, Dr. Wyatt was more than capable to take on a challenge.

"What brings you here?", Dr. Wyatt asked thoughtfully.

_Nearly a year ago I was in a plane crash, I lost two of my friends, I lost my left leg, I have hallucinations and recurring flashbacks, I have trouble sleeping at night, I think my marriage is over and now I feel like I wanna die, _Arizona thought to herself.

Though Arizona felt that might be too much to share and so instead she simply shrugged her shoulders, "You know I…I can't do this. Coming here was a mistake –", the blonde got up.

"Why?"

"Excuse me?", Arizona turned her head back; she was just about to step outside the door.

"Why coming here was a mistake? What are you _afraid_ of?", Dr. Wyatt inquired while deliberately hitting one of Arizona's weak spot; she was hoping that might give the stubborn surgeon the much needed push.

Arizona just sulked at her psychologist. Who did that woman think she was? Dr. Wyatt didn't know anything; she didn't know what Arizona had been through. "I'm not afraid –"

"Oh but I think you are very frightened Dr. Robbins", the older woman interrupted before Arizona could finish her sentence. She had a certain smug on her face, like she was enjoying teasing Arizona. "You're trying to act all tough and certain but your body movement says otherwise and I can tell that you're nervous"

"Yeah, this isn't really going to work for me", Arizona knew what Dr. Wyatt was trying to do - she was trying to "psych" her into talking. Well Arizona was smarter than that and she wasn't going to fall into Dr. Wyatt's trap.

The older woman didn't try to stop Arizona, instead she just chuckled loudly.

"Did you say anything?", Arizona stopped once more before exiting the room. She was seriously starting to get annoyed by the arrogant psychologist.

"No I just…I heard a lot about you Dr. Robbins. You're a world - class surgeon, graduated with honors, you were chief resident at Hopkins - I did my homework. Funnily enough, I never thought you'd be a quitter"

Arizona stood right before Dr. Wyatt but she didn't take a sit on the couch, "I'm not a quitter", she said with confidence. Arizona never quits – that was something her father, Coronel Daniel Robbins of the United Stated Marine Corps, taught her. Arizona excelled in everything she put her mind to. She was most certainly not a quitter.

"Well you were just about to leave, and only after three sessions", Dr. Wyatt pointed out with a smirk, "To me that says that you're a quitter"

"I don't quit things", Arizona gritted her teeth; she could already feel the anger bubbling insider her. How could this woman be so judgmental? She was a therapist! And she knew nothing about Arizona, her personality or what she does.

"But actually you do", the psychologist got up, put her notepad on the coffee table and took a step closer towards Arizona, "Your brother died and you never really got over that so you walked out on your parents. You threatened to leave your girlfriend when she wanted to settle down. You stopped talking to your best friend Nick when you found out that he was dying. You pushed your own daughter away after the plane crash. You told Callie you would've preferred to _quit_ your life rather then lose your leg and now you're giving up on your marriage"

Arizona's jaw nearly hit the floor. She was speechless, actually and physically speechless.

"When things get hard you _quit_. It's what you know how to do", Dr. Wyatt added.

Arizona continued staring at the psychologist; her eyebrows arched and her mouth was slightly open in shock. Now where the hell all of that came from? How did Dr. Wyatt know? But no…that wasn't all right. It couldn't have. Arizona Robbins was not a quitter. She was raised to be a good man in a storm. She was raised to protect and love the people that she cared about. She was Arizona freaking Robbins and she was not a quitter.

"You don't know what you're talking about", Arizona mumbled; her tone was deep and cold. She didn't want her anger to show; she didn't want Dr. Wyatt to have the satisfaction of making her angry.

"You are _scared_ Arizona", Dr. Wyatt attempted to push the surgeon's buttons even further more, "You are so scared to face your problems and get hurt that you immediately walk away", the older woman watched as Arizona's eyes lowered with shame – finally! They were getting somewhere. "I'm not saying that you're a coward. You survived a terrible accident, Arizona. You're a hero. But your inability to deal with difficult situations made you paranoid and destructive, both to yourself and to the people around you. _You are scared_"

Dr. Wyatt's tone was calmer and less cynical this time. Her voice projected nothing but compassion and understanding. She was even a little motherly. Yet Arizona still felt as if the woman was stabbing her right in the heart. Dr. Wyatt was right of course, and Arizona began to realize it. And that, naturally, made her want to flee right out of that room.

"Thank you for your time Dr. Wyatt", Arizona forced a smile on her face and left the room without looking back.

* * *

Later that day the three ate dinner together. Callie sighed heavily as she put her fork down; there used to be a time that eating dinner with her wife and daughter was the favorite part of her day. They used to laugh and share interesting stories, but now things were completely different.

Riley looked uncomfortable. Her eyes went back and forth from Arizona to Callie as she kept shoving large amounts of food into her mouth. Arizona on the other hand, just randomly played with her food and she wore a thoughtful look on her face. Neither one of the three had exchanged a single word to each other.

Callie took another big breath as she decided to break the unbearable silence, "So Arizona, how did your session go?"

Arizona shot Callie with a warning look. That was the last thing she wanted to talk about and especially not during dinner. "I quit", the blonde mumbled as her eyes dropped to her plate again.

Riley's face jolted up and her eyes immediately turned to Callie; her moms were about to start a fight. She could feel it.

"What? Why?", Callie's voice shot an octave higher.

"It wasn't working for me", Arizona muttered and got up to clear her plate.

"Arizona…", Callie sighed and followed her wife to the kitchen; both ignoring the fact that Riley was still in the room.

Arizona rolled her eyes, she knew Callie was about to make a scene, "_Look_, I gave it a try and it wasn't working so…"

"You only went to three sessions!", The brunette exclaimed. Callie cursed herself mentally - of course Arizona quit! She should have seen it coming. Arizona was a proud person, pouring her heart out in front of a complete stranger was beyond her comfort zone.

"I don't like Dr. Wyatt okay?"

"Arizona this is not what we agreed on, and Dr. Wyatt is the best. She's a pro"

"She's a judgmental bitch, that's what she is!", the blonde's comment made Riley giggle.

Callie leaned on the kitchen counter and rubbed her temples, "You can't quit"

"Can we not do this right now?", Arizona's eyes glanced to Riley. The girl didn't need to see them fight.

"Arizona you can't quit", Callie hissed again.

"If mom is quitting therapy then I'm quitting violin lessons", Riley said and walked to the kitchen as well.

"See what you did?", Callie raised her hands in frustration.

"Riley you love violin lessons", Arizona pointed out.

"Yeah well since we are all just a bunch of quitters…", Riley walked to the living room and slumped on the couch.

"Riley you need to stay out of this", Arizona's voice turned angry, "Callie we'll talk about this later. _In private_"

"You might as well talk about it now, it's not like I can't hear you screaming at each other from the bedroom", the girl quipped.

"_Riley…_", Callie gave her daughter a disapproving look. She had enough to deal with Arizona; Callie didn't need Riley's cheeky comments too.

"No, you know what?", the girl got up from the couch and looked at Arizona, "you are a quitter!", she then turned her head and faced Callie, "And so are you!"

"Riley!", Callie shouted; that girl was seriously crossing a line.

Arizona's mouth dropped open; what was everybody's problem today? First Dr. Wyatt with her long ass lecturing and now Riley was scolding her too, the woman couldn't catch a break. Arizona just needed everyone to focus on their own goddamn business so she could have a moment to figure herself out.

"Arizona as far as you were concerned, you were going to spend the rest of your days lying on that bed, eating junk food and staring at TV – ", the girl continued with her rant.

"Riley that's enough!", Callie shouted again; she kept waiting for Arizona to barge in and say something "parental". Riley was being a complete brat and it was unacceptable. But the blonde just looked at their daughter in absolute astonishment.

Last week was Riley's 13th birthday and judging by that little tantrum – the kid was definitely heading towards her "teenage phase". Last year Callie and Arizona threw Riley a surprise party with all of their friends, but this year they didn't really feel like celebrating. The three ended up spending Riley's birthday by renting a bunch of DVD's and ordering Chinese food.

"Pathetic", the girl spat in disregard as she turned to Callie again, "And you were going to let her! You continued to let her walk all over you –"

Callie felt as if the air had been knocked out of her lungs. That kid knew where to hit them so it would hurt the most. But what really frightened Callie - was that Riley was right.

"And all because of that _stupid_ leg!", Riley's angry outburst continued. She knew she was being unfair and disrespectful, and she knew Callie and Arizona didn't deserve that. But Riley was so consumed with rage and aggravation that she couldn't hold it in her stomach any longer.

"Riley, I said enough!", Callie's cheeks turned red with anger. Riley was pushing them…she was seriously pushing them.

"Look at you!", Riley screamed. "You can't even look at each other! You quit on each other a long time ago"

"Riley I know everything has been confusing – ", Arizona finally brought herself together to form a sentence, "but we're trying and -"

"_Then try harder_!", Riley voice's chocked and her eyes began to fill with tears. The kid then turned around and marched to her bedroom.

"And where do you think you're going to young lady?", Callie asked. She wasn't going to let Riley walk away after that scene. The girl couldn't just snap at them and run off.

"My room! Because that's what you were going to say right? - _Riley go to your room_", the girl mimicked her mom's voice and slammed the door shut.

Callie took a seat on the edge of the sofa and buried her face in her hands. She suddenly felt so exhausted and it wasn't just because she had a busy day at work. Riley's reaction wasn't completely unusual and considering everything she had been through lately, it actually made sense. It wasn't like Riley to be so rude or mean, but neither Callie nor Arizona could blame her for acting out. The girl was under a lot of stress at home and that was partially their fault. They hated that on top of everything that happened since the crash, Riley had to witness their fights and disagreements.

Arizona snorted as she began washing the dishes, "since when did she become such a 'ball - buster'?"

Callie chuckled and rested her head against the sofa, "and to think that she's only 13. Can you imagine how she would be at 16?"

"God no…", Arizona laughed. "She must be spending too much time with Cristina"

Callie walked to the kitchen, grabbed a towel and helped Arizona with drying the dishes.

"She's right though", the brunette's voice lowered sheepishly.

Arizona looked at Callie and handed her a plate, "I know"

"Look, I'm no gonna _suffocate_ you anymore", both women cringed when Callie used Arizona's word choice from their previous argument, "If you want you quit therapy then it's your decision"

Arizona bit her lower lip in hesitation; that was not the reaction she expected from her wife. She was still waiting for the yelling and Spanish curse words.

"But you need help Arizona and you know it", Callie's eyes expressed so much concern and worry, "we can't live with the constant fear that something might trigger you. That car crash the other night? Could've easily killed you. And God knows we don't need any more tragedies in this family"

"I'll think about it", Arizona whispered and the two resumed washing the dishes in silence.

* * *

"Hey…", Arizona said as she entered Riley's bedroom. She let the kid cool off for a couple of hours before initiating a talk.

Though Riley was still obviously mad; she was playing a game on her iPad and completely ignored her mom's presence.

"What you're not talking to me?", Arizona teased.

"No…", the girl mumbled.

Arizona sighed and took a sit next to Riley on the bed, "Put that down, we need to talk"

"I don't want to talk to you", the girl's eyes were still intentionally fixated on the iPad.

"I'm not giving you much of a choice", Arizona's voice was firm and assertive; the kid could play hard to get as long as she wanted but they were going to have that talk. "Now put the iPad down"

Riley huffed and rolled her eyes dramatically as she dropped the iPad on her nightstand and pulled her body to a seated position.

"Riley I don't know what go into you before, but I know it's not like you to be this disrespectful. I know you're better than that"

The girl's eyes lowered shamefully; of course she knew better than that. Riley hardly ever lashed out on her moms and she felt bad for the way she spoke to Callie and Arizona before.

"Sweetie we had a rough year", a sad smile formed on Arizona's face as she held her daughter's hands, "We had one hell of a year and it's been hard on all of us. But we're still here, and we're still trying"

Riley swallowed and finally turned her head to face her mom, "I saw you"

Arizona gave Riley a puzzled look, "what?"

"When you coded, I saw you", Riley recalled on watching Arizona, moments before she was taken into the surgery that would end with her amputation.

"What? I thought Alex –"

Riley shook her head, "Alex was there, but I was there too. You guys were talking and then you coded. You stopped breathing…out of nowhere", the girl felt her body loosening in relief. She had kept that horrible image locked inside her for so long; she hadn't spoken about it in a year. "Your skin paled and your eyes rolled back. Alex had to resuscitate you…several times. He intubated and then they took you to surgery. And I saw everything"

Arizona could feel the goose bumps forming on her skin; Riley's tone was so cold…a little creepy even. But what really pained Arizona was the look Riley had on her face. The girl's soulful grey eyes were staring at her and it looked like she was holding back her tears. And all this time Arizona didn't know. The blonde didn't remember Riley was in the room, everything from that day was still a little blurry and vague.

"Riley…", Arizona breathed and she shifted her position closer to her daughter, "why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I don't like talking about the crash either", Riley quickly wiped her eyes before any tears could escape them, "I don't like thinking about Mark and Lexie and I don't like picturing you dying right before me. But I do…_all the time_. Because you never stop feeling the loss"

"No…you don't", Arizona brushed Riley's cheek.

For the past year, Arizona kept convincing herself that she was fine when in fact she wasn't at all. Arizona thought that by staring physical therapy and going back to work, she would get her former life back. When essentially her life, their lives, had been altered forever.

Arizona tried to deny the loss; whether the physical one from losing her leg or the emotional one from the days she spent in the woods. Arizona tried to deny the crash and when that didn't work - Arizona tried to forget. But even then, she never really stopped feeling the loss.

The trauma Arizona had experienced would be a part of her, and a part of her family, _forever_. Arizona couldn't forget the plane crash and she couldn't forget what she had seen – but she could learn to live with it. She could learn to live with the loss. But that wasn't a process Arizona could go through by herself. She needed help and she needed her wife and daughter's support too.

"I tell you what – ", Arizona smiled at her daughter, "I'm gonna promise to try harder, if you'll promise to try harder too"

The girl nodded and smiled at her mom.

"Riley, You and I…we don't like talking about the crappy stuff. So we both need to learn to open up. And I don't want you to ever hide anything away from me again. Sweetie, I can take it"

"Okay", Riley laughed.

"There will be some serious changes around here from now on", Arizona declared with confidence. "No more hiding and pretending. We are going to face our problems. And hopefully by the end of this year, we'll look back and everything will be better. We're going to make sure that this year will be better"

It was also brought to Arizona's attention, that she wasn't a very good role model to her daughter in the past year. Riley watched her moms disrespect each other. She watched them tear each other apart and heard them say hurtful words to one another. Arizona's behavior in the past year was repulsive and self harming, and she didn't want Riley to grow up and be like that. No wonder the kid felt like she shouldn't express her feelings, she was imitating Arizona's behavior. Perhaps it was a subconscious act but still…that was the example Arizona was setting. Not anymore though.

"Deal?", Arizona drew her hand in front of Riley.

"Deal", the kid shook Arizona's hand.

The blonde pulled her daughter into a warm hug which the girl accepted gladly. Neither noticed that Callie was standing at the doorway and she heard the whole conversation. She too, swore that things will change from now on. Callie had no idea how exactly, but she did know they were all going to try a whole lot harder.

* * *

The next day, Arizona opened the door and stepped into Dr. Wyatt's office. She took a sit on that horrible red sofa as the older woman patiently waited for an explanation. The blonde was still in scrubs; she had a little free time before yet another surgery.

Frankly Arizona didn't want to talk to Dr. Wyatt. She wasn't happy about going to therapy before and she was especially unhappy about now, after meeting Dr. Wyatt and seeing what a complete bitch she was. But after the talk Arizona shared with Riley last night and after really thinking about the things Dr. Wyatt had said - Arizona realized it was time for a change.

"I was in a plane crash", Arizona's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Okay", Dr. Wyatt nodded; she instinctively grabbed her trusty notepad.

"And I…I spent four days…lying on the cold and wet ground…staring at my bone before the rescue teams found us", Arizona's speech wasn't completely clear but Dr. Wyatt didn't interrupt her. The psychologist just listened and it was exactly what Arizona needed.

"I thought I was going to die", Arizona gulped; she hadn't admitted this to anyone nor has she ever admitted it out loud. Truth was, she wasn't a hero but a coward. She was ready to die after the second day in the woods and it was a miracle she even made it to the fourth day.

"But you didn't", Dr. Wyatt scrutinized Arizona's reaction.

"No", the blonde shook her head.

"And now you don't know how to live", the psychologist pointed Arizona's thought.

For four days Arizona prepared herself for her death. She didn't expect to make it out of the woods. She didn't expect to lose her leg and live as an amputee. She didn't expect to carry the image of Lexie's body, half eating by wild animals, or the sound of Mark begging for his death. She didn't think what will happen if she were to survive and she certainly didn't expect to live with the sickening flashbacks or the terrorizing nightmares.

"Look if you think I'm broken, then fix me", Arizona challenged her psychologist, "Because I don't want to quit anymore. I'm not a quitter - so let's go"

**A/N: that line - "you never really stop feeling the loss" is taken from Meredith's voiceover in the first episode of season 9. It is such a beautifully devastating yet truthful thing to say and I just loved it so…I had to use it too. By the way, you will see more of Dr. Wyatt and Arizona's therapy sessions in future chapters. Thanks for reading everyone!**


	18. Chapter 16

**A/N: Okay, I'm gonna give you guys a heads up… this chapter is a bit angsty. I know you must be getting sick of all the drama and I know you want to see happy Calzona (especially after that sneak peek - Yikes!) but I swear after this chapter, things will brighten up. I know I sound like a broken record, but I'd appreciate it if you'll hold on just a little tighter.**

* * *

"We're not going to do this Callie", Arizona stomped her foot down angrily.

"But Dr. Wyatt specifically said –"

"I don't care what she said!"

Riley was lying on her bed with her face buried in a pillow. The door to her bedroom was shut and she wore her headphones on. Yet Despite all of those precautions, the girl could still hear her moms arguing in the living room. Loud and clear.

That was all that Callie and Arizona did these days. Fight. And about the stupidest and meaningless things too. The three had just finished eating dinner when Callie and Arizona started quarreling; Riley didn't even notice what caused the fight but she quickly ran back to her room. She found her moms annoying, unbearable even, and she couldn't stand watching or hearing them biting each other's heads off anymore.

Riley sighed heavily as she got up from the bed and peeked behind her door. Callie and Arizona weren't trying to hide their disputes; if before they only argued when Riley wasn't around, then now they didn't even seem to care that the girl was in the next room. Riley kept trying to convince herself that the fighting was a good sign; it meant that Callie and Arizona still cared about each other right? At least they were talking now…though the girl was starting to miss the days her moms ignored each other's presence.

"Arizona you promised to try this time!", the brunette yelled.

"I am trying!", Arizona raised her hands in frustration. "I'm going to therapy, just like you wanted. I'm sharing my deepest thoughts and most paining memories with a complete stranger, like you wanted. What else do you want from me?"

"I want you to talk to _me_, Arizona", Callie took a big breath to calm herself down. "It's not enough that you're talking to Dr. Wyatt, which by the way I know you aren't exactly doing. At least not willingly. You need to start talking to _me_"

Callie felt as if she was banging her head against a brick wall. Arizona was seeing Dr. Wyatt regularly now, but she wasn't really putting in an effort. Callie tried to stay aside and let Arizona handle things on her own; God forbids she didn't want to _suffocate_ her wife. But seriously, who was Arizona trying to fool with that passive aggressive attitude? And Callie couldn't keep her mouth shut any longer. She promised herself she wasn't going to let Arizona continue with that destructive behavior for her sake and for the sake of their family.

"Arizona we agreed that we were going to try", Callie's voice had toned down. "We agreed to try together"

Callie empathized with her wife. She knew Arizona was brought up in a household where difficult situation weren't dealt with, but instead swept under a rug. It was hard for Arizona to sit down and express her most personal thoughts and feelings out loud. The woman came from a family of Marine soldiers; she wasn't used to being vulnerable. But there was a time Arizona let herself be vulnerable in front of _Callie_. In front of _her wife_. They used to talk…about everything. And Callie missed that so much; even as much as she missed being intimate with Arizona.

Callie understood that it was going to take Arizona some time before she could regain her trust and let her guards down again. But the blonde wasn't even trying! And it was driving Callie mad.

Arizona shrugged her shoulders in nonchalance, "I have nothing to say to you Callie. What's done is done"

Callie huffed in annoyance. Arizona was bringing up the "leg issue" again. Could they, for one single moment, have a talk that does not include that damn leg? Their whole life was about that leg. Arizona's obsession was endless, the woman just couldn't let go. It was another symptom of her emotional volatility and PTSD, as Callie began to understand.

"Arizona what do you want me to do, huh? Maybe I should stick out my leg, you'll grab a bone saw and we'll even the score?", the brunette's tone dripped in sarcasm.

Arizona rolled her eyes; that comment was uncalled for, "Stop it…"

"I lost something on that plane too, you know", Callie pointed out; she was sick of the way Arizona kept referring to herself as the only victim in this situation.

Arizona's eyes narrowed as she chuckled in disregard, "You didn't lose anything"

The way Callie continued to compare her so called "loss" with Arizona's, made the blonde lose her temper. It was so condescending and it made Arizona feel like Callie was belittling her.

"I know it's hard for you to understand it, but I did lose something on that plane. And so did Riley", Callie swallowed hard as she began feeling the lump building in her throat, "We lost Mark and we lost Lexie. And our losses might be different from yours Arizona, but they still hurt"

Arizona lowered her eyes shamefully. It's not like she thought Callie wasn't affected by the crash. She knew it was hard for Callie to lose Mark. But losing a friend wasn't anything like losing a limb and Callie couldn't even begin to understand the extent of Arizona's loss.

"And apparently…", Callie's heartbreakingly beautiful brown eyes glistened with tears, "Apparently I lost you"

The brunette then walked to the bathroom while Arizona stayed in the kitchen. The blonde buried her face in her hands and exhaled profoundly. Perhaps she too, just lost her wife.

_Apparently I lost you_

Riley closed her bedroom's door and leaned against it. It felt as if her heart just dropped to her stomach. Did Callie really mean what she said? Did Arizona really mean what she said? Riley didn't know…but she had a bad feeling in her guts and she didn't like it at all.

* * *

Riley stormed into Cristina and Alex's place; it was a Saturday morning and both surgeons were at home. The girl simply let herself in, Cristina and Alex's house was like a second home to her and besides she was too worked up over what happened the other night, so she didn't have time for manners.

"Where's Cristina?", Riley panted; Alex was lying on the living room sofa, his face turned to the TV screen as he played a video game.

"Sure, come in", the man teased.

Riley rolled her eyes; she didn't have time for Alex's smartass comments, "Alex, where's Cristina?", she asked again; her voice rising in impatience.

"She's still sleeping, relax", Alex reassured the girl. "Wanna play a game until she wakes up?"

Riley didn't reply but instead raced up the stairs to Cristina's room. She knew it was still early, but she didn't care. Riley needed Cristina. The girl hadn't slept all night; she just kept replaying her moms' argument over and over again in her head.

Riley jumped on Cristina's bed and shook her shoulder forcefully, "Cristina!"

"Hmmm", the young woman mumbled sleepily.

"You have to wake up!"

"Go _awayyy_…", Cristina grunted; as a busy surgeon she hardly ever got to sleep in.

"Cristina it's important!", the kid insisted.

Cristina opened her eyes and glanced to her alarm clock, "Riley it's only 9:30!"

"I know, I know…", Riley sighed. "But I need to talk to you"

Any other time, Cristina would've kicked Riley right out of that room without even thinking twice. The girl woke her up at 9:30 on a Saturday morning! But as Cristina heard the urgency in Riley's voice and as she saw the pleading look the girl had on her face – Cristina understood something happened, and she knew Riley had a good reason for waking her up.

"Alright alright I'm getting up", Cristina growled as she rolled herself out of the bed, "go downstairs and make coffee or something, I'll be down in a minute"

"Okay!", Riley squeaked and raced down the stairs in a flash.

After taking a quick shower and brushing her teeth, Cristina made her way downstairs; Alex and Riley were already waiting for her in the kitchen.

"What the hell is up with you this morning?", Alex gave Riley a quizzical look; the girl was shoving large pieces of toast down her throat.

"She's stress eating…", Cristina muttered; she knew all about Riley's nervous habits. She then grabbed a cup of coffee and took a sit across from Riley, "So what's up?"

Riley took a sip of Alex's orange juice before choking on her food, "I think my moms are getting a divorce"

Cristina shared a cautious look with Alex. Well no wonder the kid was so freaked out.

"What umm…what makes you say that?", Cristina asked; she knew Callie and Arizona were having some _issues_, but frankly who wasn't? And she certainty didn't think the two were heading towards a divorce.

"I don't know…", Riley breathed heavily. "They fight, like all the time. And…and last night they said some pretty mean things to each other…", the girl's body cringed as she recalled on hearing Callie and Arizona's latest fight.

"Riley…", Cristina's voice was unnaturally gentle and sympathetic, "couples fight. That doesn't mean your moms are getting a divorce. Right Alex?", Cristina encouraged the man to say something positive.

"Right", Alex agreed while forcing a smile on his face.

"I know…", the girl's whispered.

Riley was young, and she didn't fully understand the complexity of being in a relationship. Yet she did understand that some disagreements were normal and expected. And it's not like Callie and Arizona hadn't fought before. Like any other married couple, the two had their occasional bickering, but Riley never thought too much of it because she knew it didn't mean anything in particular. And similarly, Riley found herself picking a meaningless fight with her moms from time to time. Families fight, it's normal. But the way Callie and Arizona were treating each other at the moment was not normal, and Riley was sure of it.

The girl buried her face in her hands. She didn't want to cry and especially not in front of Cristina and Alex, but she was feeling so helpless.

"Come on Kid, it's gonna be okay", Alex rested his hand over Riley's shoulder. He tried to be comforting but it wasn't really working and Cristina wasn't much of a help either.

"What am I going to do?", Riley asked timidly.

Cristina sighed; she was horrible at dealing with situations such as this one. She was a surgeon not a freaking shrink. But Riley's devastated expression was breaking her heart and it made her curse Callie and Arizona internally. Those two needed to take care of their crap and they needed to take care of their kid. "Riley, you don't know if your moms are getting a divorce, so there's no reason for you to read too much into it"

"But what if they will?", the girl whimpered; her eyes staring at Cristina in desperation.

"Cristina was left at the altar…", Alex interjected after Cristina kept glancing at him for help.

Riley's head snapped up in confusion and her eyes immediately shot to Cristina, who wore an equally confused expression. The girl didn't know Cristina was left at the altar, but how did that had anything to do with her problem anyway?

"And every girl I dated turned out to be crazy or mean…", Alex continued. "Shit happens, kid. And sometimes there's nothing we can go about it"

"Well that's depressing…", Riley stated bitterly.

Over a year ago, Callie and Arizona finalized Riley's adoption. A year ago the girl finally got her dream family. Riley couldn't simply accept the fact that she was now losing all of that just because "shit happens". She couldn't just accept the fact that her moms were getting a divorce.

Riley wasn't blind. Nor was she deaf. She was aware of everything, the screaming, the yelling, the arguments, the tears. Callie and Arizona were hurting each other, and Riley could see that. In a way it hurt her too. But the girl also knew, without any doubt, that her moms still loved each other. They had to! They were Callie and Arizona!

It was the smallest hints really, that kept Riley hopeful. She would catch Arizona staring at Callie during breakfast, she would see Callie smiling when Arizona would laugh. Somehow in the midst of all that…_shit_….her moms still cared for one another. And it could very possibly be that Callie and Arizona didn't even realize it about themselves yet. Maybe it was all subconscious…but how could Riley make her moms see that?

"_Buuut_ on the plus side", Cristina attempted to lighten the mood, "if your moms will get a divorce then you'll get twice as many stuff and umm…you'll get two rooms –"

"And you could totally guilt trip them into buying you anything, even a puppy…or a car… or whatever", Alex added.

"So yeah, I think you might actually want them to get a divorce", Cristina concluded.

Riley just gave them a disapproving look. What was she thinking going to seek an advice from these two morons? Alex and Cristina didn't really make Riley feel any less worried but their ridiculousness did put a smile on her face.

"Riley I don't think you moms are getting a divorce", Cristina's tone turned serious. "They're having a rough time, that's all. I mean look at Owen and I – we used to fight all the time, but we're good now"

"Cristina, you and Owen got a divorce!", Riley pointed out; she most definitely didn't want her moms to take any relationship advices from Owen and Cristina. Those two had the most dysfunctional relationship a couple could have. Yet somehow, it worked perfectly for them.

"Yeah and look how well that turned out!", Cristina said enthusiastically.

Riley sighed. Alex was right though – shit does happen. And boy did a lot of shitty and messed up things happened to Riley in the course of her life. But the girl had one option and one option only - and that was to face whichever outcome that was going to happen.

* * *

"Hey sweetie!", Callie greeted her daughter when the girl entered their apartment.

Riley had stayed at Cristina and Alex's house for a couple more hours; they chatted, played some video games, watched TV…and that eventually helped Riley calm down for bit. Now that the girl was able to think rationally, she decided to confront her moms. If Callie and Arizona were really getting a divorce, then shouldn't Riley know about it? And the sooner the better.

"Hey…", Riley said back.

"Did you have fun at Cristina's?", Arizona asked as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"Umm hmm", the girl took a sit on the bar stool.

"Good. You want something to eat?", Callie asked.

Riley shrugged her shoulders, "Nah, I ate already"

"Oh well what did you guys –"

"Are you getting a divorce?", the words flew out of Riley's mouth.

It felt as if the air had been sucked right out of that room. Callie's mouth hung open and her eyes practically bulged out in shock. Arizona just froze; her expression turned blank and her jaw clenched.

"Wh…what?", Callie stammered.

"Because if you are, then I need you to just tell me"

"Umm uh…", Callie was obviously caught off guard with Riley's direct approach and she kept signaling Arizona to say something, but the blonde was useless.

"It's okay I can take it", the girl put on a brave face and braced herself for the awaited answer.

"Riley we're not getting a divorce", Arizona finally said.

The kid's face jerked in surprise, "you're not?"

Arizona shook her head and chuckled nervously, "No…"

"Umm sweetie, what made you think we are getting a divorce?", Callie asked in concern.

Riley just gave her moms a look that said "you know why". She was just a kid, but she wasn't dumb and she wasn't unaware of all the fighting and screaming. Both Callie and Arizona hung their heads in shame. It wasn't fair of them to put Riley in such an uncomfortable position. It was never their intention, but the two were so caught up with their own messed up relationship that they failed to be there for Riley. Regardless of their issues, Callie and Arizona were both Riley's moms and they needed to learn to work together, whether they liked it or not.

"Well we're not so…", Callie reassured her daughter and took a loud sip from her coffee.

"Okay…", Riley sighed and skipped to her bedroom. She didn't completely buy it, but the surprised looks Callie and Arizona had on their faces did eased her mind for a bit. Riley took at it as a positive sign and she decided to just focus on the fact that for now, her moms were still intending to stay together.

* * *

Later that night, Callie and Arizona were sitting in the living room while Riley was already fast asleep. The remainder of their Saturday went by fairly uneventfully; the three just stayed in and watched movies together.

"Callie?", Arizona called for her wife's attention; the brunette was sipping from a glass of red wine while reading the newspaper.

"Hmm?"

Arizona bit on her lower lip in hesitation and pulled her body up, "Did you ever think about it? Getting a divorce?"

Callie eyebrows arched in confusion; she put the newspaper and wine glass on the coffee table and stared at her wife, "what?"

"It's okay if you have…", Arizona's eyes lowered to her lap, "I know I did"

Callie's eyes widened and her mouth slightly opened; she didn't like the direction this conversation was heading to, nor did she like the shameful expression Arizona had on her face.

"I didn't think about it like seriously or anything…", the blonde said after a long pause, "But it did cross my mind"

"Maybe I did think about…like once", Callie admitted, "But it didn't mean anything"

Arizona nodded in understanding. She didn't blame Callie for thinking about a divorce. The two had reached a point where they couldn't stand to be around each other and the littlest things caused them to break into a heated fight; anything from not taking out the trash to a tiny misplaced comment.

And it wasn't just the fighting. Callie and Arizona weren't communicating, at least not in a healthy way. They didn't trust each other and they didn't rely on each other. The past year had taken its toll on their marriage and their relationship simply wasn't what it used to be. The only thing that was holding these two women together at the moment wasn't their marriage certificate or their rings or the vows the shared - It was Riley. And both Callie and Arizona were beginning to think that perhaps it wasn't enough.

"You're unhappy", the blonde pointed out as she finally linked her eyes with Callie's.

"So are you", Callie whispered. Truth was none of them, including Riley, was particularly happy at the moment. But Callie still remained positive; she believed that with Arizona starting therapy and with them making an effort to resolve their issues, things would eventually get better. The road to recovery was long and full of obstacles, and they all knew it wasn't going to be easy. But they were all trying and that was the important part.

"I make you unhappy", Arizona emphasized. "And you don't deserve that"

"Arizona…", Callie felt her heart sinking as she watched Arizona turning her face away to wipe her tears. Was that Arizona's way of apologizing for her obnoxious behavior in the past year?

"You deserve someone better", Arizona clarified her meaning, "Someone who could make you laugh and smile. Someone who could make you feel loved", the blonde looked at her wife's eyes deeply as she took another short pause, "And I can't so…I'm giving you 'an out'_"_

"What?", Callie voice climbed in irritation. Arizona was giving her _an out_? First of all, Callie wasn't anyone's property. If she wanted an out, then she would have walked away without taking Arizona's "permission" and she would have done so a _long_ time ago. And second, what the hell was Arizona thinking? After all that they had been through in the past year, after Callie had stuck by Arizona's side for months, the woman was giving her _an out_?

"If you want a divorce, then we'll get one"

Callie shook her head, "Arizona, I don't –"

"Just think about it", Arizona's tone was as serious as can be, "you don't have to decide right now"

Callie's jaw nearly hit the floor, was Arizona trying to convince her to file for a divorce? Was Arizona even bringing it up for Callie's sake? Or was it really her own wish? Callie didn't know what to make of Arizona.

"There's nothing to think about", Callie stated with certainty. She had been by Arizona's side so far, and she was going to continue to do so. Because to her, their marriage still mattered. To Callie, they were still worth it. And she was really hoping that Arizona felt the same way too and that she was only trying to be "noble" or whatever.

"You don't want to be with me and this is not the way you wanted to spend the rest of your life. I don't want you to stay just because you feel like you're obligated to", the blonde confessed.

Arizona's biggest fear was losing Callie and Riley. But ever since the crash there was a part in her that kept waiting for her family to turn their backs on her. Arizona felt unworthy, like she wasn't enough for Callie and Riley. Arizona wasn't the woman that she used to be; she didn't even like herself that much, so why would her wife and daughter like her? As much as it pained Arizona to admit it, she wasn't good to Callie and Riley; those two deserved better than her. Arizona wanted her wife and daughter to have a better life and she didn't want them to stay with her just because she was the sad cripple now.

"You didn't sign up for this", Arizona continued talking as Callie quietly listened. "You didn't sign up for any of this. Living with an amputee…living with a 'mental case'", Arizona's tone was impassive, her eyes almost emotionless. "You didn't sign up to living with the relentless fear that something might trigger me. You didn't sign up to sleeping with one eye open at night just because I might turn on you…just because I might turn on our daughter when she's sleeping in the next room", Arizona's face darkened in shame and self hatred. "You didn't sign up to the violent outbursts and aggressive behavior"

"But neither have you", Callie gritted her teeth.

Posttraumatic stress disorder is a horrible disorder, and it could strike a person at any given situation, or place or time. It makes the person feel paranoid, for the fear he or she might randomly attack their loved ones, without them even being aware of it; without them having the ability to control their behavior. Arizona had once nearly hit Riley while experiencing a flashback. In her right mind, Arizona would never even dream of raising a hand on Riley. _Never_. But at that moment, Arizona wasn't herself; she thought that she was in the woods and she needed to fight for her life. Arizona had crashed into another vehicle during a hallucination. She wasn't aware of it but she could have easily died. Neither of those scenarios ended with a tragedy, but Arizona couldn't take the risk. What if one day Arizona would end up hurting her wife? Or hurting their daughter? Arizona wouldn't be able to live with herself. Arizona wasn't a violent person, but her PTSD made her aggressive at times to a point that she felt like she was putting her loved ones in danger when they were around her.

"I can't run away from it, this is who I am now. But you can…and Riley can. So I'm giving you an out", Arizona repeated.

"Arizona don't say that", Callie whispered. How could Arizona even rationalize a divorce? Yes, they were having a rough time and Arizona's PTSD wasn't helping either. But Arizona was seeing a psychologist and she was facing her problems.

Sure, there was a part in Callie that shared the same fears Arizona had. And yes, Callie hadn't sign up to any of this and she certainly didn't think her life would turn out this way. The trauma Arizona had gone through caused her to be unreliable; there was no way to know how she would react. But as scary as it was for Callie and Riley, the brunette could only imagine how frightening it was for Arizona.

"I won't be mad if you'll choose to walk away. I'll understand", the blonde promised.

"Arizona stop", Callie demanded. She got that Arizona felt insecure and she understood that Arizona wanted to do the right thing for their family. But getting a divorce couldn't be the answer…right? Families stick together, and especially during difficult times.

But what if Arizona was right? What if filing for a divorce was the better choice? They had been fighting for their marriage for over a year and clearly it wasn't working, maybe it was time to let go. The crash had changed them and it changed their relationship. Perhaps Callie and Arizona weren't made for each other after all.

Callie and Arizona would always be a part of each other, because they were both Riley's moms. In a way they would always be a family, even if the two were to get a divorce. Separation would be hard on Riley; the kid had already lost so much. But the current situation they were living in wasn't good for Riley either. She was stuck right in the middle, in between her moms, and that wasn't fair. So maybe getting a divorce would actually benefit Riley as well.

A faint smile formed on the blonde's face, "Just think about it"

**A/N: There will be a big Callie/Arizona scene on the next chapter, so please please please – don't give up on this story! This is as bad as it gets. This is rock bottom. Callie and Arizona will only grow stronger from here and eventually they will find their happy place.**


	19. Chapter 17

**A/N: Man that season premiere had me crawling right back into my happy Calzona bubble… hopefully this chapter will make you guys feel a little more warm and fuzzy inside.**

* * *

"Hello everyone, my name is Sherry and my husband Ray was recently diagnosed with PTSD", the young blonde stated with an overenthusiastic tone. "Ray is an ex – Marine, he served in Afghanistan"

Callie tried her best to listen and pay attention, but she couldn't help but feel somewhat uncomfortable. She was in a group therapy for spouses married to PTSD patients. Dr. Wyatt, who also happened to host the group, suggested that Callie should begin attending therapy as well. Callie was not happy about it of course, but she figured she had nothing to lose with her marriage now hanging on by a thread, and also she knew Arizona wouldn't let her get away with it; if Callie were to refuse to go to therapy - she would never hear the end of it!

The whole point of the group therapy was to create a safe environment for women to share their experiences and express their concerns. There were about ten women in that group and the majority of them were married to veterans or cops, so Callie definitely stood out. Though they all seemed nice enough and Callie could use their guidance and experience. Other than Owen and Cristina, Callie didn't know anyone who had PTSD and it was nice to finally have someone to talk to and learn from. Callie didn't have PTSD – but she was married to it and that wasn't easy either.

"I think I first noticed there was something different about Ray when he came home after his second deployment", Sherry continued. "At first I didn't know what it was, he turned into a completely different person. He would have nightmares, like he would wake up screaming or he would try to grab me when we were sleeping at night. And there were also these little things that would make him edgy or jumpy, like loud noises or large crowds"

Callie nodded in understanding, she could absolutely relate to some of those descriptions. The nightmares, the screaming, the edginess – oh yeah, those were highly familiar.

"And how did that make you feel, as his wife?", Dr. Wyatt asked.

"I think it made me feel really anxious and especially when he was around me or our baby boy", Sherry's tone softened and her eyes lowered to her lap, "I mean the Ray I knew before Afghanistan was a sweet and gentle guy, but that was not the person that came back to me"

"What do you mean?", Dr. Wyatt encouraged the young woman to elaborate.

"He was angry all the time. And when I tried to talk to him, he would either become hostile or he would just try to shut me out", Callie noticed how nearly every woman in the room nodded in sympathy - they all got it. "And that was when I realized he needed help. We both needed help"

Callie slumped back into her chair; she found herself identifying with a lot of what of these women had to say. They were her. Everything that Callie had to put up with in the last year – the uncharacteristic behavior, the outbursts and the constant worry – they all got it. It was such a relief, to know that she was not alone. That there were others like her, that there were others with similar problems.

Callie turned her attention to a young brunette named Karen, who began to share her story. Her husband Henry was a SWAT officer, who lost one of his teammates on duty.

"One of the reasons Henry refused to get help at first, I think had to do with the way I constantly pushed him to pull himself together and pick up the slack", Karen admitted. "I was so focused on getting my husband back and on telling him to get off the couch, that in retrospect, I interfered with his grieving process. I wasn't able to give my husband the kind of help that he needed"

That last comment made Callie reflect on her own behavior in the last year. She pushed Arizona…_a lot_. She pushed Arizona to get out of bed and she pushed Arizona to get a prosthetic so she could go back to work. But what else was Callie supposed to do? She couldn't let Arizona rot in front of the TV screen! If it wasn't for Callie and Riley's "pushiness" the blonde would have stayed in bed for the rest of her life. Callie always had Arizona's best interests at heart, but could it be that like Karen, Callie had caused Arizona to miss some important steps in her emotional recovery because she simply didn't know how to help her?

Arizona was in a plane crash. Arizona was stranded in the woods for days. Arizona lost her leg. That was a lot. And processing all of that required time…

It also made Callie wonder how come she didn't do anything, how come she continued to live in denial. The signs were right there but Callie didn't do anything. And even worst, Callie's happy delusional state had caused Riley to step up and essentially become the adult in charge.

"So once I pulled back a little and once I let Henry have his moment to grieve over the death of this friend, that was when he independently came to the realization that he needed help. And that was when he decided to reach back to me", Karen summed up.

As Karen's words began to sink in, Callie realized that maybe there was a part in her that deliberately chose to focus on Arizona's physical recovery – simply because it was easier to handle. As an orthopedic surgeon, Callie knew all about amputations and residual limbs; but she knew nothing about the emotional aspect of undergoing a traumatic amputation. Maybe in the back of her mind, Callie thought that by getting Arizona "back on her feet" and by pushing her forwards, she was helping Arizona heal. Callie wasn't a psychologist and she wasn't a therapist…she helped Arizona in the only way she knew how, but that wasn't the kind of help Arizona needed.

For the very first time in her life, Callie found herself in a place where she had to take care of everyone and everything while their lives were a complete mess, and she didn't have anyone by her side to help her out. Her wife was disabled, they had just adopted Riley and on top of it Callie was also grieving the loss of Mark and Lexie, two of her dearest friends. Arizona wasn't the only one in need of help; Callie _herself_ wasn't doing all that well either. They both needed guidance and a long time ago; but they were so blinded by the loss that they couldn't see just how completely dysfunctional they were being.

The brunette's thoughts were interrupted when an older woman named Lisa, started talking.

"We had to get to know each other all over again. We had to relearn each other's habits and we had to relearn how to be around one another. And after being married for over ten years, it was not easy", Lisa chuckled. "There was definitely a transition period. We both just needed to take a moment and acknowledge that our relationship has changed"

Callie chuckled bitterly…if only what Lisa was saying was as easy to execute. The last year was certainly a transition period. But Callie and Arizona didn't seem to get past it. Callie kept telling herself that they were all still adjusting, but their transition period seemed endless.

Callie knew she was changed by the crash; even if she wasn't on the plane, she was still indirectly affected by it. Callie knew her relationship with Arizona had changed since the crash, and that really frightened her. Because what if her relationship with Arizona had changed to a point where they no longer belonged to each other? What if their marriage wasn't salvageable?

"Dr. Torres, would you like to share anything?", Dr. Wyatt asked as everyone's eyes turned to Callie.

"Uh umm…", Callie swallowed in panic; she hated public speaking. "Umm sure"

Callie didn't _have_ to share her story, but there was a part in her that really wanted to, despite the fact that she was horrible at public speaking. That group was a judgment free zone; Callie was finally given the opportunity to share her deepest fears and worries.

"Hello everyone…umm my name is Callie…Callie Torres", the brunette's eyes glanced to Dr. Wyatt, who gave her an encouraging smile in return, "And umm…I'm an orthopedic surgeon at Grey + Sloan Memorial and…my wife has PTSD"

Callie paused for a moment as she studied everyone's reaction; the women just smiled and nodded as they waited for her to continue. "My wife Arizona, who's also a surgeon, was in a plane crash about a year ago"

"Oh, was she one of those doctors who were stranded in the woods for days?", some random woman asked.

Callie chuckled nervously, "uh yeah. We lost two of our closest friends on that plane", Callie's expression saddened and her voice lowered, "but sometimes…sometimes I feel like I lost my wife on that plane too"

"What makes you say that?", Dr. Wyatt inquired.

Callie sighed, "Arizona…she changed. Physically, she lost her left leg and that of course brought in challenges by its own. Though to me, the most challenging part was how she changed emotionally", Callie finally brought her gaze up and she noticed how a few of the women were nodding again, "I look at my wife and I can't recognize her anymore, it's like everything that I used to love about her is gone"

"And how do you feel about it?", Dr. Wyatt asked again.

"I think for a while, I was scared. I lost my best friend on that plane, but he was more than just my best friend, he was my rock. And umm…", Callie's eyes lowered again and she began playing with her hands nervously, "And I was so scared to lose Arizona too, that in a way I ignored the signs…or maybe I even denied them because the thought of losing my wife was so unbearable"

"I knew she was going through something. Like a lot of you mentioned, Arizona would wake up from having nightmares and she would have flashbacks…", Callie paused again to gather her thoughts, "Anyway…I am now realizing that maybe I did lose my wife. The person I married was sweet and caring and…", Callie stopped before she was going make herself cry in front of everyone" and the person I am married to now is angry and resentful so…the Arizona I knew doesn't exist anymore"

After Callie's turn, Dr. Wyatt suggested that they should take a little break. The brunette made her way to the coffee table; God knows she needed caffeine after that depressing confession.

"Dr. Torres?", an older woman approached Callie, gently tapping on her shoulder.

"Please, call me Callie", she smiled and shook the woman's hand.

"Callie hi, I'm Lisa –"

"No, yeah yeah I remember…"

"I'm so sorry to hear about your friends and umm…your wife", the older woman's voice projected with nothing but compassion and sympathy.

"Oh thanks", Callie nodded awkwardly, "It's been rough…but thanks"

"So are you enjoying the session so far?", Lisa asked while taking a sip of her coffee.

Callie laughed, "You know, I didn't think I would but it actually turned out to be very informative"

"Yeah it's nice to talk to people who actually understand what you're going through"

"Right", Callie agreed.

The older woman took a step closer to Callie, "Look I…I know it's none of my business and I don't want to be nosy or anything…but I've seen many couples coming in and out of this group", Callie just nodded her head cautiously, "I know the affects PTSD has on the marriage and I know what it's like living with it, I know what it's like being _married_ to it", Lisa's tone was serious but empathetic all at once, "Don't…don't give up. Not yet. You wife has changed, probably in more ways that you could ever understand. But you changed too. That's what PTSD does, it alters you whole lifestyle, your whole family"

Callie didn't say anything, but instead just listened thoughtfully to what Lisa had to say.

"I've seen a lot of people that ended their relationships because they weren't strong enough to handle the consequences of this disorder. But you strike me as a strong woman and after hearing about what your wife had been through, she sounds like a strong woman too", the older woman offered Callie an hopeful smile, "You're both surgeons. You're both trained to function in stressful environments. You both know how to take charge and fix things other people can't. So don't give up. You're in a transition period and you're getting help. Trust me, it's going to get better"

Callie's eyes dropped as she began tracing the edge of her coffee cup, "I just…I don't know what to do"

"From my experience, talking to each other is the first step"

Callie snorted, "Believe me I tried! But Arizona…she's impossible. She doesn't want to talk and especially not to me…"

"Well then… you could do the talking at first. Just tell her how you feel and make sure she listens", Lisa suggested.

Callie leaned against the coffee table and sighed deeply.

"Callie, the fact that your wife changed doesn't mean that you lost her. The woman that you love is still in there somewhere and you just gotta keep fighting for her", Lisa rested her hand on Callie's shoulder. "If you ever need anything or if you ever need someone to talk to – ", Lisa handed Callie her business card, "Here's my contact information. You can call me anytime"

A grateful smile formed on Callie's face, "Thanks"

"Don't give up", the older woman winked at Callie before heading back to her seat.

* * *

Later that evening, Callie was taking a shower when Arizona got back home from work. Riley was sleeping over at Cristina's, the two were going to have some sort of medical documentaries marathon or whatever; neither Callie nor Arizona really got it, but they learned to stay out of Riley and Cristina's relationship a long time ago.

A smiled formed on Arizona's face as she heard Callie singing loudly in the shower; the brunette was obviously unaware of the fact that she was no longer alone at the apartment. Arizona walked to the kitchen and took a sit on the bar stool, waiting for Callie to get out of the shower. Her eyes turned to the Chinese takeaway placed on the counter; Callie must have ordered some dinner for the two of them. Arizona was starving. She had a busy day over at the hospital and didn't eat since breakfast. She grabbed a pair of chopsticks and began picking into the noodles; she figured Callie wouldn't mind that she started eating without her.

Arizona felt horrible. She basically tried to convince her wife to get a divorce last night, who does that? All this time Arizona had been trying so hard not to come off as a "quitter". She was going to therapy (she was even starting to like Dr. Wyatt), she was trying to be more open minded, she was trying to face her problems rather than ignore them. And yet last night – Arizona quit. She quit her wife, she quit their marriage, she quit their family.

Sure, Callie and Arizona had their fair share of problems. But honestly - who doesn't? What couple doesn't fight? What couple doesn't have disagreements? Arizona promised Riley she was going to try. She promised Callie she was going to try. Because they were no quitters. And Arizona knew she had to make it right with Callie tonight.

Arizona's thoughts were interrupted when Callie walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen; she appeared a bit startled since she didn't expect to see Arizona back home so early.

Arizona got off her seat, "Hey Callie about last night –"

Callie waved her hand, "No! Shut up!"

Arizona arched her eyebrows in confusion, "Excuse me?"

"I said shut up!", the brunette exclaimed. "You don't get to talk. Not until I tell you to"

"But Callie – ", Arizona began to object.

"I mean it!", Callie stomped her foot down; she then gave Arizona her most serious glare, signaling to the blonde that she better shut up and fast, "You did all the talking last night, well I get to do all the talking now and your only choice is to sit your ass down and listen"

Arizona nodded sheepishly and returned to her seat, not daring to open her mouth in protest. Callie's death glare was scaring her.

"You don't get to give me 'an out'. Not now, not ever. Understood?", Callie said sternly.

"Oh so now I can talk?", Arizona teased.

"Just – shut up!", the brunette growled in annoyance.

Arizona rolled her eyes and huffed loudly. It took everything she had in her to keep her mouth shut; the last thing she wanted was cause another catastrophic fight but Callie's attitude was driving her mad. Arizona wasn't the kind of person that "enjoyed" being lectured or scolded like a child.

Callie crossed her arms and took a step closer to Arizona, "You don't get to give me an out. And you don't get to be all "noble" and you don't get to talk about running away or getting a divorce"

"Callie I wasn't trying to – ", but Arizona stopped herself when Callie raised her hand again. Seriously, Callie wasn't even going to let Arizona explain herself?

"I'm not going away", Callie stated with certainty, "I've been by your side every single day since the crash. I've been there even when you were a complete bitch, even when you hated me –"

Arizona shook her head, "Callie –"

"Even when you made me _hate you_ – I was there. And I'm gonna keep being there. And you better accept it"

Callie knew that Arizona only brought up the divorce last night because she was scared. There was a part in her that still didn't trust Callie following the broken promise. And when Arizona was scared - she would wither pick a fight or she would walk away. So Callie was making sure Arizona understood that she wasn't going anywhere. They were still married and they were still a family.

"I'm not here because I feel like I have to…I'm here because I promised to be here the day we got married. I promised you, I would be here for better or for worse. And I know I failed you once, but I'm not gonna fail you again", Callie's voice trembled with emotion and Arizona noticed that tears were forming in the corners of her wife's eyes.

"I'm here because we both promised Riley we would be here, _together_. We both promised to give her the family she always wanted and I intend to follow that promise", Callie paused; she looked at her wife and studied her reaction.

Arizona was speechless; she definitely did not expect Callie to just "explode" like that. All this time Arizona focused on herself, and she never even stopped to think about how Callie was feeling, how Callie was handling everything. Arizona brought her gaze up and her eyes met Callie's. There was so much frustration and fear in the brunette's eyes…so much _guilt_.

"I know that you're mad", Callie breathed heavily and her eyes dropped for a moment, "I know that you're mad at me, but I'm mad at you too. I'm _really_ mad at you"

Arizona nodded in understanding. And after the way she treated Callie in the last year, Arizona didn't blame her wife for being mad at her.

"But we're going to figure it out", Callie sniffed and wiped her tears with the back of her hand, "Even if it means we'll have to go to counseling, even if it mean we'll have to go see a therapist or whatever, because we matter Arizona. This marriage _matters_ and this family _matters_", the brunette resumed looking into Arizona's eyes, as if she was making sure the blonde was really listening, "And I'm not just gonna sit aside and let everything fall apart. Not anymore. We are going to fight, and if you're not ready to fight then I will fight for the both of us"

Arizona opened her mouth to say something but then regretted it; she didn't know whether speaking was now acceptable or if Callie was done with her rant. She also felt really nauseous all of the sudden…_really_ nauseous.

"You may talk now…", Callie said after a quick pause.

But Arizona didn't say anything. She didn't look well, her skin turned pale, almost green actually, and she kept clenching her stomach in a weird way.

"What, so now you've got nothing to say? I give you this long ass speech and you've got nothing to say?", Callie said, her voice rising in irritation.

Arizona shook her head. Of course she wanted to say something but she feared the moment she would open her mouth, something else would come out of it…

"Seriously, Arizona? – "

"Callie…I…umm uh", Arizona covered her mouth with her hand and ran to the bathroom.

"Where are you going?", the brunette began following her wife. But it was only after she heard Arizona vomiting in the bathroom, that realization hit her.

* * *

"Hey…", Callie stepped into the bedroom, "I brought you some water"

"Thanks…", Arizona grunted; she still didn't look too well but at least the violent vomiting had stopped.

"How are you feeling?", Callie asked as she took a sit on the edge of the bed, placing the glass on Arizona's nightstand.

"Like crap", Arizona muttered cynically while shooting Callie with an unhappy look.

Callie smirked, "good"

"Well…I guess I deserved that", Arizona chuckled.

Callie shifted her position so she sat closer to Arizona, lying on her side while supporting herself on her arm. She didn't lie too close…God forbids their bodies would touch or anything. Callie brought her other hand up and began stroking her wife's hair. The corners of Arizona's mouth curled into a smile as she closed her eyes, sighing heavily. She used to love it when Callie played with her hair like that. It was Callie's way to soothe Arizona whenever she felt upset…or sick.

A part in Callie feared Arizona might resist the sudden act of affection. The two hadn't been _intimate_ in a while and even the smallest form of closeness, like a hug or a kiss on the cheek, was usually out of the question. Though Arizona didn't seem to mind that Callie was touching her at that moment, in fact it even looked like she was enjoying being close with Callie again. Arizona wore a peaceful expression on her face, her chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm; it almost looked like she was sleeping.

"Callie?", Arizona asked groggily, her eyes still shut.

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you something?", the blonde's voice turned serious.

"Of course, always", Callie replied gently.

Arizona opened her eyes, and gazed deeply into Callie's, "but you have to answer honestly"

The brunette chuckled, "Okay…"

Arizona swallowed and took a big breath, "Did you try to poison me?"

Callie just laughed and shook her head. God… and there she thought Arizona was being serious for once and was going to initiate an adult conversation.

"Well it did cross my mind…but no…", Callie teased back.

Arizona's quiet laugh turned into a muffled moan as she clenched her stomach tightly. She was starting to feel sick again.

"I'm sorry for giving you food poisoning", Callie said, still stroking Arizona's hair. It was an honest mistake, really. Apparently the Chinese food she had ordered was spoiled. Thankfully Arizona was the only who ate from it.

"I'm sorry for being such a bitch", the blonde said candidly.

Callie snorted, "I'm sorry for calling you a bitch"

"It's okay…", Arizona sighed, "I guess I deserve that too"

"No you don't", Callie shook her head as a goofy smile formed on her face.

Feeling a little daring, Callie scooted closer to her wife; Arizona welcomed the effort until her body pressed against Callie's ever so slightly. The brunette used her right hand to caress Arizona's cheek and jaw line while the blonde sighed in content. Up until that moment Arizona hadn't realized just how much she missed Callie's touch. It felt so good, to have Callie's warm body pushed against hers, to feel Callie's firm hands brush across her skin.

"Callie?", Arizona whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I lied", Arizona said, her eyes still gazing into Callie's.

"What?", the brunette asked in confusion.

"Last night, I lied", the blonde admitted. "I don't want us to get a divorce and I won't be okay with it. My PTSD scares me…everything we'd been through in the last year scares me and I freaked out. I was just trying to do what's right for you and Riley"

Arizona sighed again as she took Callie's hand in hers, "It's all been awful. And I've been awful. But I'm just starting to feel like myself again", the blonde flashed Callie with one of her super magic smiles. "And I know we still have our problems and I still have my problems…but I want us to work it out"

Callie just smiled at her wife. She smiled like an idiot, but she didn't care. With everything that Callie and Arizona had lost in the last year, with everything that they had been through, with all the awful things they had said to each other – there was never a loss of love. Callie still loved Arizona, and with all of her heart; but she now also knew that Arizona still loved her back. It could just be that neither of them was ready to express their love out loud, but at least they both felt it. And that was a start.

"So are you in?", Callie asked playfully.

Arizona smiled, "I'm in"

Callie leaned forwards, her face inches apart from Arizona's, their noses just barely touching. She was about to press her lips against Arizona's forehead, when the blonde suddenly sat up. Arizona shoved Callie away, got up from the bed and quickly skipped to the bathroom again. Callie cursed the stupid Chinese restaurant and headed to the bathroom to help her wife.

* * *

Arizona was bed ridden for a couple days, but she made it; and it was actually kinda nice to have a few days off, sleep in late, catch up on the latest reality shows. Callie and Arizona weren't going to work today either. Oh no…today the two women had a special surprise for their daughter. Though they knew that getting Riley to the surprise was going to be challenging.

"Riley are you ready?", Arizona yelled from the kitchen, "We're taking you to school today"

The girl came out of her bedroom, all dressed in her school uniform, her hair pulled into the perfect high ponytail.

"What? Why?", Riley asked in surprise, her school was only a short walking distance away.

"Why not? Let's go", the blonde handed Callie the car keys.

"You don't have to do that, I can take my bike"

"Riley when someone offers you a ride, you take it", Callie shoved Riley's shoulder, urging the girl to step out of the apartment.

The three made their way down the stairs and climbed into Callie's black Ford Escape. Riley didn't know why Callie and Arizona had so strongly insisted on driving her to school today, it was useless but the girl didn't read too much into it. Riley was feeling a little more hopeful these days, and a lot of it had to do with the sudden improvement in Callie and Arizona's relationship. There was definitely less tension in the air, less awkwardness, less yelling, less fighting. The two were trying, and Riley could see that. Riley wasn't sure what caused the change in atmosphere, but overall it seemed as though Callie and Arizona were more comfortable around each other. There was still a long road to go, but hey - they were trying.

Riley's attention was pulled back when Callie had missed the turn leading to her school, "Mom you didn't –"

"I know…", Callie replied simply while looking at Riley through the rearview mirror.

Riley's eyes narrowed in suspicion. Something was going on. There was a reason Callie and Arizona had insisted on taking her to school… if they were even driving to school. Arizona kept giggling and Callie wore a mischievous smile on her face. Yep, those two were up to something.

"What the - ?", Riley shifted in her seat, "Hey! What are you doing?"

"Riley you're not going to school today", Arizona explained.

"Say what?", the girl eyebrows arched and her tone turned serious; though Riley's freaked out expression only made Callie and Arizona laugh even harder.

"We're having a skip day!", Arizona exclaimed cheerfully.

"Surprise!", Callie's voice was equally as excited as her wife's.

"A skip day?", Riley felt her heart dropping in her chest. What the hell were Callie and Arizona thinking? It's like they didn't even know her. "Stop the car"

Arizona rolled her eyes. There we go…that was the reaction they were waiting for. "Riley –"

"I mean it stop the car!", the girl shouted in protest. Riley couldn't skip school. She was the perfect student. She had a 4.0 GPA. Her transcript was impeccable. She was the captain of the school's soccer and volleyball team. She was in the math league and the school's band. Her teachers adored her. She couldn't skip school. She was perfect. "Stop the car or I'm getting out –"

"Sweetie relax, it's okay", Callie assured her; though she was having a really hard time holding her laughter and so was Arizona. Riley was just so cute when she got all feisty.

"It is unequivocally not okay!", Riley snapped. "Skipping is not okay!"

"Jesus Riley, live a little", Callie teased her. Good God, how many kids out there got to have a skip day with their parents? None. Riley should have been happy.

"Yeah monkey come on, where is your sense of adventure? Today is all about having fun", Arizona added while sporting one super magic smile.

"_fun?_", the girl frowned and crossed her arms angrily, "Winning a Nobel Prize is fun. There is nothing _fun_ about skipping"

Arizona huffed dramatically, "Callie, what have we done wrong?"

"I don't know but I think I just threw up in my mouth", Callie joked. Callie and Arizona were literally convincing their 13 year old daughter to skip school…that couldn't be right.

"Oh my god", Riley panted and held her stomach, "I can't believe this is happening"

"Callie, I think she's having a panic attack", Arizona chuckled after seeing Riley hyperventilating in the back seat.

The brunette just laughed and rolled her eyes; Riley could be quite the drama queen when she wanted. "Sweetie we're going to have so much fun, you'll see"

Riley slumped into the car's seat, dropped her head back and sighed heavily. The rest of the drive went by in silence. Riley just sulked and frowned while Callie and Arizona continued to laugh at her. They drove to Waterfront Park, just downtown Seattle. The three were going to spend their morning at the pier, enjoying the wonderful weather and the fresh air.

"Come on Ms. grumpy pants, get out the car", Callie opened the car's door for Riley.

Arizona put her arm around the girl's shoulders, "Riley there's a reason we deiced to take the day off"

"You mean apart from the fact that you're trying to ruin my future career?", the girl asked sarcastically.

"That it! You're not spending time with Cristina anymore", Callie felt as if she was talking to a mini version of Cristina; it was pretty creepy.

Arizona raised her hand, signaling Callie to be quiet, "Sweetie, I'm gonna tell you something my dad told me when I was you age"

The blonde lead Riley to a side bench. The girl shot Callie with a puzzled look but the woman just gave her an encouraging nod. Callie and Arizona each sat on either side of Riley; the girl wore an unimpressed expression on her face – this day was turning into a complete nightmare.

"I was raised to be a good man in a storm", Arizona stated proudly.

"Pfff!", Riley giggled, "What!?"

"Just listen…", Callie hissed and nudged her daughter's shoulder.

Arizona held Riley's hands in hers, "Monkey you're a Robbins and a…and a Torres", the blonde shared a quick smile with her wife," And we're the kind of people that rely on each other and protect each other during hard times. We are a good man in a storm"

Riley had the same perplexed expression on her face Arizona had when the Coronel gave her that same speech, years and years ago. Back then, Arizona didn't think much of her father's boring lecturing. Though as the blonde grew older, she found herself carrying that family motto with her and it helped her to pull though difficult situations. Arizona was more than happy to share that with her own daughter, and she was sure it would serve Riley in the future as well.

"Riley, Callie and I, we haven't given up on each other", Arizona said, her eyes glimmering with hope and a warm smile forming on her face.

"So you shouldn't give up either", Callie added.

Callie and Arizona studied their daughter's reaction. The kid had thoughtful look on her face – her eyebrows knitted and she bit on her lower lip in concentration, like she was really dwelling on the things Arizona had said.

"Fine! Whatever!", the girl shouted while raising her hands in irritation, "Geez! Did we really have to go all the way out _here_? You could have lectured me at home, you know"

Both women were slightly taken aback by the girl's unexpected outburst. Riley wasn't just turning into a miniature version of Cristina – she was turning into a teenage version of Cristina.

"We created a monster", Arizona whispered in Callie's ear.

"No", Callie shook her head, "Cristina Yang created a monster"

Riley had eventually calmed down. She didn't like missing school but she did like spending time with her moms and taking the day off had turned out to be a great idea. With everything that happened in the past year, Callie, Arizona and Riley were still a family and that day was all about remembering that, and remembering they all loved each other.

Riley felt immensely relieved, now that she knew her moms weren't getting a divorce for sure. It gave her a new sense of hope, one she hadn't felt in over a year…not since the crash. Though it was more the _just_ hope… Callie, Arizona and Riley were moving on.


	20. Chapter 18

**A/N: Hi everyone! I hope you will enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

"…and then at lunch, Josh made Marissa laugh so hard that some soda came out of her nose!", Riley could barely hold her laughter, "Oh and I scored two goals in soccer practice…_two goals!_"

The girl went on and on, sharing the peaks of her day with her moms on an ordinary family dinner. Arizona's eyes were lowered to her plate, it didn't seem like she was paying too much attention. Callie just kept nodding and smiling; Riley was speaking so fast that I was hard for her to follow.

"And I got an A plus on my English paper", the girl added while stuffing a spoonful of mash potatoes into her mouth.

"Good job honey!", Callie said proudly.

"Mom did you hear what I said?", the girl asked Arizona when the blonde had failed to compliment her.

But Arizona didn't say anything, as if she didn't even hear her daughter calling for her attention.

"Mom?", Riley rested her hand on Arizona's, "Did you hear what I said?"

Arizona flinched when she felt Riley reaching for her hand. Her face snapped upwards as she met Callie and Riley's concerned looks. "Yeah yeah umm…", the blonde swallowed and cleared her throat, "that's fantastic sweetie"

It was happening again. One minute Arizona was enjoying a simple dinner with her family and the next…she found herself pulled into a strange state. And it always started in the same way too. First, Arizona's body would feel heavy; like she was sinking deeper and deeper until she had no control over her mind and body. Then her chest would start hurting, her palms would get sweaty and her mouth will feel dry. Arizona's pupils would dilate in fear; her heart would pulse so rapidly that she could feel it pounding against her chest. Arizona would tuned out from whatever it was that she was doing, until there was only one thing on her mind – she had to get away. Arizona was in trouble, and she had to get away.

And it didn't matter where she was at. Arizona could be at home, eating dinner or watching TV in her comfy sweats with her wife and daughter; or she could even be operating or checking on a patient at work. The strange feeling could strike her at any time and at any place.

Arizona closed her eyes and began working on her breathing. She kept reminding herself that it was just a feeling - it was all in her head. She was safe. She was at home with Callie and Riley. She was safe.

Riley kept on talking; the kid was too invested in her own matters to notice that one of her moms was on the verge of a breakdown. Though Callie wasn't as oblivious; she was eyeing Arizona for about 20 minutes and she could tell that her wife was going through something. It took her some time, but Callie learned to recognize the signs and she could now tell when Arizona was having an "episode". It was really weird, watching Arizona like that. In just a blink of an eye, the blonde would turn into a different person. And often times, it would be spontaneous and there will be no way for Callie to anticipate it.

The brunette rested her hand on Arizona's shoulder, "You okay?"

Arizona wasn't okay. Her palms curled into fists and her eyes shut. There was a voice, in the back of her head, telling her to get up and run for her life. Arizona tried to fight the voice; but it just grew stronger and louder until the blonde couldn't just ignore it anymore. She had to run. Something horrible was about to happen, and she had to run and save herself.

"Just…_SHUT UP!_", Arizona yelled and slammed her fists on the table, making both Callie and Riley jump in fear.

Arizona eyes went back and forth from Callie to Riley. They couldn't hear it – _the voice_. They didn't know, but they were all in trouble. They were all in trouble and they had to get away.

Callie squeezed Arizona's hand, but the blonde resisted, "Arizona you're at home, remember? You're safe"

Riley hated when Arizona was having a PTSD – related outbreak. It was scary. And Riley was really glad Callie was there to handle the situation.

"Honey look at me", Callie made Arizona face her by gently pulling her chin, "You're safe. It's just me and Riley"

"I have…I have to get out", the blonde clenched her chest; it felt as if the walls were closing in and they were running out of air. "I have to…I need to get out"

Arizona got up from the table and walked to the bedroom. Callie followed her, signaling Riley to stay put. The blonde sat on the edge of the bed and buried her face in her hands. Callie took a sit next to her, and rubbed Arizona's back in an attempt to calm her down.

"No!", Arizona brushed Callie's hand off.

"Arizona just breathe, like Dr. Wyatt says. 5 seconds in, 5 seconds out. Remember?", the brunette said, but she wasn't sure whether Arizona even heard her.

Arizona's head ached. It was so frustrating, feeling like that and not knowing why. Arizona knew she wasn't being reasonable. She knew the sickening fear she was holding inside her wasn't real. Arizona wasn't in any immediate danger, but in that moment, she felt as if she was about to die.

Much like the way Arizona had to learn to cope with her PTSD, Callie and Riley had to learn how to live with it too. Callie was still going to group therapy, where she was given plenty of support and aiding tools. Arizona had more control over her disorder now that she was seeing Dr. Wyatt regularly; she was still having hallucinations and flashbacks every now and then, but they weren't as bad as before. Callie felt less anxious around Arizona, since now she had a better understanding of PTSD and its symptoms and she also felt more relieved that she now knew how to be there for Arizona and help her.

"Hey, you wanna tell me about the esophageal atresia surgery you performed today? I heard it went really well", Callie suggested. She was hoping that might distract Arizona from whatever it was that was making her anxious.

Arizona turned her head and looked at her wife, "umm…it was on a three months old baby"

Callie nodded, encouraging Arizona to continue.

"How did you separate the trachea from the esophagus?", Riley asked, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed.

Callie exchanged a smile with Riley. She understood that the kid wanted to help and she was very thankful for Riley's maturity. At the same time, Callie didn't want Riley too get too much involved; she was still a young girl and she deserved to act like one. Though Riley sometimes had to be reminded of the fact that she was only 13. Both Callie and Arizona could tell that Riley was less tense these days. Things were better at home now that they were getting help.

Arizona sniffed her nose, "That baby…he was too small and there wasn't enough room for maneuver"

"So what did you do?", Riley asked, her voice full in curiosity.

"I had to open his chest", the blonde then continued describing her technique to the finest detail.

It helped, and by the time Arizona had finished going over the whole surgery, she couldn't remember what it was that bothered her to begin with. The voice in the back of her head had quieted down to a point Arizona could no longer hear it anymore. That is, until the next time…

* * *

"Why do I keep having them?", Arizona asked. She was lying on the red sofa with her face turned to the ceiling.

"The hallucinations?", Dr. Wyatt clarified.

"Yeah", Arizona pulled herself into a seated position, "I mean it's been over a year and everyone moved on. Derek got his hand back, Cristina and Meredith are fine. Everyone moved on, even Callie, so why am I the only one lagging behind? Why am I the only one who's having nightmares and flashbacks? They were all there too, they saw everything I did - but they're fine"

Arizona was more than just frustrated. Sure, she'd made some improvements since she began seeing Dr. Wyatt on a weekly basis. She was less edgy, she had less trouble sleeping at night but still…the nightmares and flashbacks continued to haunt her. Was that how Arizona's life was going to be from now on? Bound to keep an eye open at all times, just in case something might trigger her?

The blond sighed profoundly, "And I don't know if it's because of the leg or –"

"It's not about the leg", Dr. Wyatt interjected.

"What is it then?"

The older woman rested her hands on her hips and took a big breath as she weighed her words, "Your posttraumatic stress disorder is fed by your avoidance of talking about anything related to the plane crash or the days you spent in the woods. The flashbacks and nightmares are your body's way of telling you that you're ready to let go. But in order to improve, in order to _heal_, you're going to have to start talking about your experience…and not just to me"

Arizona knew who Dr. Wyatt was referring to. The older woman was talking about Callie. Arizona had yet to sit her wife down for a talk. The two surgeons had a lot of unresolved issues they needed to discuss upon, but Arizona wasn't ready yet. However, the blonde did know it was an important step she had to take with Callie if they were to ever to repair their relationship.

"Arizona, what do you remember? From those days in the woods?", Dr. Wyatt asked.

Arizona's gaze lowered as she nervously began taping her fingers on the sofa's armrest. She didn't remember much from the woods. At some point the pain was so overbearing that it affected her mental state - Arizona wasn't lucid. Every now and then, some sort of a flashing image or a piece of a blurred memory would resurface to Arizona's mind. She could recall on little bits of information, but that was it.

"It's okay to talk about it", the older woman encouraged her patient to open up. Her tone was warm and inviting, like she was willing to let Arizona take all the time in the world.

"Dr. Wyatt, I was in a plane crash that claimed the life of two of my closest friends. I sat in my own filth for days without knowing whether I was going to make it…whether I was going to see my wife and daughter again. It's not okay to talk about it"

Arizona didn't know why she was being so resistant. But the thought of pouring her heart in front of a complete stranger still didn't make too much sense to her. In fact she felt pretty silly. Talking about the crash wasn't going to change anything, so why even bother? She was going to therapy for her PTSD, not to talk about the past.

Arizona's thought process was interrupted when she heard Dr. Wyatt oh-so-familiar cynical laughter.

"What? What is so funny?", Arizona asked, her voice rising in irritation. Dr. Wyatt was crazy – Arizona was sure of it.

"You whine a lot", the psychologist said, her notorious smirk never leaving her face.

Arizona arched her eyebrows, "Excuse me?"

"All I hear from you is - _I was in the woods_ and _I saw people die_ and _I lost this_ and _I lost that_….", the older woman imitated Arizona's voice.

"Yeah so?", wasn't Arizona allowed to complain a little bit? She was paying Dr. Wyatt good money to listen to her so-called problems.

"_So_", Dr. Wyatt emphasized, "You need to start delving deeper, tell me how you felt"

Arizona sighed; what did that woman want from her? Dr. Wyatt had encouraged Arizona to open up and share her feelings, and then when she finally did, the older woman teased her for it.

"You're mad", Dr. Wyatt pointed out. "You're mad at the hospital for sending you on that plane, while knowing the company wasn't reliable. You're mad that you had to lie, in a pool of your own blood and urine, for days before they found you. You're mad about losing your leg. You're mad at your wife, and you're mad at the world and you're mad at yourself!"

Arizona cringed; she hated that Dr. Wyatt was so direct. It made the blonde feel really uncomfortable and self conscious. Though the psychologist was right, as always.

"You have all these feelings Arizona. And you say you want to get better, but you need to be honest with yourself first", Dr. Wyatt added.

Arizona's eyes lowered to her lap. She wanted to get better but it wasn't that easy. Having to deal with so many conflicting emotions wasn't easy. Arizona just wished that Dr. Wyatt would give her a little more credit. She had been the perfect patient so far…well maybe not perfect… but she did cooperate and she did do all the stupid assignments Dr. Wyatt had given her. Arizona was trying and she was giving this therapy crap her very best.

"Arizona do you feel like a victim?"

The blonde wore a perplexed expression on her face, "Ugh...well I'm –"

"Do you think you're a victim?", the older woman asked once more, her tone strict and demanding.

"Yeah I guess…", Arizona finally agreed; though she still wasn't following Dr. Wyatt.

"Mark Sloan and Lexie Grey are dead. You got another chance at living", the psychologist pointed her finger directly at Arizona, "how about now? Do you think you're a victim now?"

"No…", the blonde mumbled shamefully; she got what Dr. Wyatt was trying to make her see but why did the woman had to be so accusing? Speaking of tough love…

"Then stop acting like one", Dr. Wyatt's penetrating blue eyes glared right at Arizona.

Arizona had a lot to live for, and she knew that. Yes, she had been to a plane crash and yes, she lost a limb. But she also survived a life threatening experience, and not a lot of people could say that about themselves. Arizona was trying to live her life to the fullest, she was trying to enjoy the second chance that was given to her – but it wasn't easy. She was constantly reminded of the crash. She could never really move on.

"Arizona it's okay to feel. And it's okay to talk about how you feel…you won't _die_ from it", the older woman joked. "You've made some progress, but you still have a long road to go"

* * *

Later that night, Arizona was quietly reading in bed when Callie stepped into the room.

"So how did it go with Dr. Wyatt today?", the brunette asked as she climbed on the bed.

"Umm…it was good", Arizona dropped the book on her lap and bit her lower lip in hesitation, "it was…_good_"

"You don't want to talk about it, I get it", Callie nodded in understanding.

Callie didn't want to be pushy and she completely understood and respected her wife's need for privacy. But she and Arizona did agree to try and communicate on a better level, and Arizona was still very secretive on everything that had to do with her therapy sessions. Callie could tell that seeing Dr. Wyatt was helping Arizona, but she just wished that her wife would try to open up before her as well. There was some tension between them that Callie wished to resolve.

"No no…", Arizona said as she noticed the disappointed look on Callie's face, "It was…_interesting_"

"Oh yeah? How come?", Callie gave Arizona an encouraging smile.

The blonde sighed; it was hard to explain. "Just…I don't know…"

Callie's expression darkened with disappointment again. A part in her feared that Arizona would never feel completely comfortable with her again; that there will always be a lack of trust in between them. Callie and Arizona had their fair share of fights and differences, even before the crash; but they always had complete and utter trust in each other, despite everything. Callie knew that Arizona still held a grudge about the leg, and maybe she will forever. It was a sensitive subject, one that Callie didn't dare to bring up. Their relationship wasn't stable enough for that talk just yet.

"You know, Riley said something really interesting to me a few weeks ago", Arizona said after a long pause.

Callie just looked at her wife without saying anything, as she waited for Arizona to continue.

"She said that, we can never really stop feeling the loss", Arizona's gaze lowered for a moment, "And…I just think it's so true"

Callie knitted her eyebrows in confusion. She wasn't really sure what Arizona was talking about, but judging by the thoughtful expression Arizona had on her face, the blonde had more to say.

"I feel it…", Arizona swallowed and linked her eyes with Callie's, "_The loss_…I feel it all the time"

The brunette nodded. Okay…they were getting warmer…

"It used to be constant, the first few months after the crash, but now it comes and goes. You know what it's like, some days are better than others", Arizona began playing with the hem of her blanket; she was uncomfortable and it was obvious. "But even on the good days, it's there"

Callie was too afraid to speak and ruin the moment. She just kept waiting patiently for her wife to let whatever it was that she needed to let off her chest. After all, it wasn't everyday that Arizona decided to open up and Callie wanted to be as encouraging and supportive as possible. It was hard for Arizona to share her feelings; she avoided eye contact, her speech was all jumbled and incoherent, and her body movement was apprehensive. So Callie just listened, because that's what Arizona needed her to do.

"It's there when I put my prosthesis on, as I get ready for work in the morning", Arizona took another big breath, "It's there when I have a moment to myself on a coffee break…sometimes it's there during surgery when I let my mind wander off…", Arizona's bright blue eyes gazed deeply into Callie's, "And it's there at night, before I fall asleep"

Arizona wasn't sure how much Callie understood of her confession. It still took so much effort from Arizona to initiate a talk with Callie; there was still so much awkwardness when it was just the two of them.

"It's there when I drive to work, and I see some random person's car parked in Mark's old spot…", the blonde's comment sent shivers down Callie's spine. "It's there…and I'm sure you could feel it too. So that's what I talked about to Dr. Wyatt today"

It may seem odd, but Callie found herself smiling. For the very first time, Arizona had purposely acknowledged that Callie was in a way affected by the crash; that Callie too – was feeling the loss. It was never Callie's intention to act as if she was on the plane; she never meant to "steal" Arizona's experience. Both Callie and Riley were indirectly affected by the plane crash, and that was a side that Arizona was beginning to see.

When it came to her relationship with Arizona, Callie was unsure of many things. But that little speech, that seemingly meaningless moment – that was Arizona reaching back. And Callie was sure of it.

"No, I get it…", Callie said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah I mean, like at lunch? I still find myself looking for Mark's face in the cafeteria", Callie's tone saddened.

There will always be a part in Callie that will miss Mark, so she understood what Arizona was talking about…_feeling the loss_. Some days were better than others and then on other days, Callie would pass by her best friend's old cubby or his old office and she would be reminded of all that laughs and jokes and talks they shared….of all the laughs and jokes and talks they couldn't share anymore.

"Riley's missing him too…", Arizona added, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I know", Callie breathed.

"She doesn't like talking about it"

"Nope…she doesn't", Callie agreed. "Just like her moms"

Arizona chuckled faintly, "We should do something about it"

"Yeah…", the brunette shared a warm smile with her wife, "Yeah we should"

* * *

"You know this kidnapping 'thing' really has to stop", Riley grumbled in irritation.

It was a late Saturday afternoon, and Callie and Arizona had yet another surprise for their daughter. Riley wasn't too happy about, naturally, thought she didn't have much of a choice.

"Will you at least tell me where we're going to?", the girl asked.

Callie chuckled, "_Ahhh_, but then it won't be a surprise…"

Riley rolled her eyes and slumped back into her seat, "I hate surprises"

"We know…", Arizona giggled; unlike Riley, she found the situation to be quite amusing.

Riley had the dorkiest moms ever! Why couldn't they just leave her alone, tell her to do her homework and eat her vegetables like all the other parents?

"Here we go…", the brunette sang enthusiastically once she parked the car.

Riley felt her blood running cold and her eyes nearly bulged out in shock, "The ballpark?"

"Yep, we packed your baseball gear and we're gonna play some ball!"

Callie and Arizona watched as Riley began to shift uncomfortably in her seat; they certainly succeeded in surprising her, the girl was beyond stunned. Riley used to go to the ballpark on almost every weekend…with Mark. Playing baseball was their "thing". Thought the girl hadn't been to the park since Mark died.

"You hate baseball", the girl muttered; she was still inside the car as Callie and Arizona opened the door for her.

"No we don't…", Callie lied. They hated baseball. And any other sport, really. But today wasn't about baseball. It was about helping Riley move on.

"You don't know how to play", Riley pointed out. She had witnessed her moms poor baseball skills before, when the two played on the hospital's team. They sucked.

"Then you can teach us", Arizona shrugged her shoulders. It was only baseball, how hard could it be?

Riley was starting to get seriously annoyed. She knew what Callie and Arizona were trying to do, and she honestly wished her moms would back off. Why couldn't they just spend the afternoon playing video games or watching TV, just like any other family?

The girl was about to describe the complexity of baseball to Arizona, when Callie pulled out her baseball equipment from the car's trunk – The baseball equipment Mark had gotten Riley for her 12th birthday. But that didn't so much as bother Riley; no, what bothered her was seeing Callie holding a certain raggedy – looking catcher's mitt.

"Where'd you get that?", Riley snapped.

"From you room, why?", Callie didn't understand what the big deal was.

Riley grabbed the worn out baseball mitt from Callie's hands, "Don't touch my stuff!"

Arizona arched her eyebrows, "Riley –"

"I wanna go home", the girl whined.

That wasn't just an old baseball mitt - it used to belong to Mark. It was Riley's only reminder of her uncle. Mark used to bring that old mitt every time he took Riley out to play. He loved it. He had since he was a kid. So nobody was allowed to touch that mitt but Mark.

"Riley what's the problem?", Callie asked. She knew Riley didn't like surprises, but the kid used to love going to the park.

"I said I wanna go home!", Riley wiped the corners of her eyes as small tears began making their way down her face.

"Sweetie why are you crying?", Arizona asked in concern, "you love baseball…"

Riley sniffed her nose, "I don't love it anymore"

Clearly, Riley was still hurting over the loss of Mark. And the reason for her sudden "hatred" for the sport was because it reminded her of him. It pained Callie and Arizona to see Riley so upset, that wasn't their intention. On the contrary, the two just wanted to have some fun with their daughter on a Saturday afternoon.

"Riley I think Mark would've wanted to you to keep on playing, right?", Callie tried to lighten the mood, "You're a good player"

"Mark is dead so it doesn't really matter now, does it?", the girl fired back, obviously still mad and annoyed.

Callie sighed, "Riley get out of the car"

"No", the girl shook her head.

"Riley you –"

"Monkey how about – ", Arizona bulged before her two girls would get into a fight, "You stay in the car until you feel ready to come out and in the meantime, Callie and I, we'll umm –"

"Warm up?", Callie suggested, her tone slightly sarcastic.

"Right! We'll warm up", Arizona agreed. Not that she really knew how to warm up before "playing ball" but whatever.

Riley nodded as she watched Callie and Arizona making their way inside the park. She wasn't getting out of that car. Callie and Arizona were just testing her; the two thought she would give up and join them in a couple minutes, but Riley was smarter than that. They couldn't "break" her. And whatever it was that they were trying to do…wasn't going to work.

"Okay, so what's the plan?", Callie whispered, even though Riley was out of earshot.

"We wait", the blonde answered with confidence.

"Wait for what?"

"You know how Riley gets…", Arizona smiled at her wife, "she's stubborn. You can't just force her to do something, it will only make her do the opposite"

"Well I wonder where she got that from…", the brunette mumbled, though thankfully her wife didn't hear her.

"Just give her a moment"

Riley felt silly…sitting in the car all by herself. What did Callie and Arizona think, that if she were to play baseball then she would "get over" Mark? That it would make her feel good about herself? That it would boost her confidence and self - esteem? _Please_…Callie and Arizona may have been going to therapy, but they were no shrinks. Riley wasn't broken. People die, and she understood that. Planes crash, people loss limbs…crappy things happen right?

_This is dumb_…the girl hissed mentally. So what if she didn't want to play anymore? Yeah it reminded her of Mark and it pained her. So…? Riley sighed. _So_ she was the one being dumb. Because Mark would have wanted her to keep on playing, and he would have wanted her to have fun and smile and laugh. And actually, if Riley were to _really _think about it, she was pretty sure that if Mark could have seen her acting like a whiny little brat then he would have been really pissed off at her.

The girl groaned loudly and climbed out the car. Somewhere, subconsciously, there was still a part in her that mourned over Mark. And perhaps that was the reason Riley kept avoiding anything that would remind her of him. Mark had such an immense role in her life; he was like a father to her. Playing baseball with her moms wasn't going to bring Mark back and it wasn't going to help Riley forget the loss. But it was going to help her to live with it. Mark was dead, and he wasn't coming back. And that something Callie, Arizona and Riley – had to learn to live with.

* * *

"So after you and Mark were done playing, what would you guys do?", Callie asked.

The three were lying on the wet grass; Riley in the middle, Callie and Arizona on either of her sides. They gave up playing after about 30 minutes. Callie and Arizona were a lost cause and even a competent player like Riley couldn't do anything about it. Riley had a blast thought. Watching Callie and Arizona squeal like two frightened school girls every time she pitched the ball towards them was priceless. Also, and Riley didn't dare to admit out loud, she missed playing baseball. It wasn't the same without Mark, but Riley actually enjoyed spending some time with her moms outside of their apartment.

"Ummm…", the girl took a moment to think, "well we would lie on the grass like this, and then Mark would pull out two beer cans, one for him and one for me, of course…"

Callie shared a cautious look with her wife, "what?"

"I'm kidding!", Riley giggled; like she would have told Callie and Arizona if Mark had given her beer. "We would you know…_talk_"

"Talk?", Arizona asked skeptically. Mark didn't exactly strike her as a good conversationalist, with his dirty jokes and stupid comments.

"Yeah like about school or work and stuff…sometimes we would talk about you guys"

"Oh really?", now that caught Arizona's attention, "What did Mark say about us?"

"Well he told me you two used to date", the girl looked at Callie, her tone slightly reproachful. It was pretty gross…Mark and Callie? But still, how could Callie not have told Riley about it?

"Is that what he said?", the brunette's face turned red in embarrassment. She and Mark didn't exactly "date" and she only hoped her best friend had the brains to keep his mouth shut. Riley didn't need to know all the details.

"Umm hmm", Riley then turned her head to Arizona, "He also said that's why you hated him"

Arizona rolled her eyes and huffed in annoyance, "I didn't…_ugh_"

Callie just clenched her stomach and laughed. God, did she miss Mark. And she knew that deep inside, Arizona missed him too. They weren't best friends, but regardless of their issues and childish bickering – Arizona and Mark loved each other and they were a family. And Callie could tell that Mark's death had affected Arizona greatly. The blonde was there, holding Mark in her arms, all those days in the woods.

"But the last time we were here, we talked about Lexie", Riley's voice turned serious as she recalled on one of her latest memories of Mark. "He was going to propose"

"What!?", Callie's body jerked forward.

"To Lexie?", the blonde squeaked.

"Yeah", Riley nodded, "He had the ring and everything. I'm guessing he was going to do it the weekend you guys were meant to come back from Boise. Then he suggested that I would be the flower girl, but I told him that I was too old to be a flower girl, so he said that I could be the wedding planner instead"

Callie lay back. How could she not know about this? Sure, she expected that Lexie and Mark would get married at some point, but she had no idea that Mark was about to propose. And to think that by now Mark and Lexie could have already been married, maybe even on their way to become parents.

"And he didn't say anything…", Riley swallowed, having a hard time finding the right words, "because he was going to ask you guys to officiate the ceremony"

Callie's jaw dropped open and any anger she held towards Mark for not telling her about the proposal immediately disappeared. Mark was going to ask her - _her and Arizona_ – to officiate his wedding. Callie turned her head to the side and locked her eyes with Arizona's. The blonde too, was touched and shocked by the revelation. It was really too bad that Mark and Lexie didn't get their dream wedding, but it was nice to know Mark had Callie and Arizona in mind.

"Come on – ", Callie pulled herself into a seated position, "Let's go get food"

Arizona grunted, "_Ohhh_ I'm a dying for a milkshake!"

"And fries!", Riley followed her moms to the car.


	21. Chapter 19

**A/N: Hi everyone! I am so incredibly sorry for the long wait, I just got overwhelmed with school and work and everything. But don't worry, I'm still committed to finishing this story, I'm not abandoning you or anything! We're about 2/3 into the story so I'm getting ready to wrap things up and give you guys the happy ending I promised. The upcoming chapters will be significantly lighter than the beginning, so lots of mushy and fluffy moments ahead! Just know that updates will take longer from now on…so thanks for your patience and understanding and I will do my best to update whenever is possible. **

**Just reminding everyone, on the last chapter Callie and Arizona were starting to work on their marriage, so more of that in this chapter. It's a bit short but I hope you'll enjoy it!**

* * *

"And then I woke up, and my leg was gone"

Dr. Wyatt nodded as she scrabbled onto her notepad, "And how did you feel? Once you realized you were missing a limb?"

_How did I feel?_ _Ugh please!, _Arizona snorted mentally while rolling her eyes. "I…I was shocked. I couldn't believe it", she shrugged her shoulders impassively.

"Hmm", Dr. Wyatt huffed, "You're lying"

Arizona furrowed her eyebrows, "What?"

"You're lying", the psychologist repeated.

Arizona was being her classic self and tried to avoid confrontation. But Dr. Wyatt wasn't going with that. The psychologist has been working with Arizona for a couple months now, and they were making some good progress. Today however, was the first time the blonde had agreed on talking about her amputation. From her encounter with the stubborn surgeon Dr. Wyatt could tell that Arizona still hasn't fully accepted the fact that she was an amputee, and a lot of it had to do with Callie's broken promise.

Arizona was holding a grudge. She couldn't simply "get over" her missing limb. She couldn't just get over the fact that Callie had broken a promise to her. It was a deeper issue. Arizona felt violated. Callie acted against her wishes. She felt betrayed because her wife had failed to protect her. Arizona could ignore those feelings and she could push them aside as long as she wanted to, but they weren't going away. And if Arizona ever wanted to resolve her issues with Callie, and have a healthy and stable relationship with her wife, the blonde had to come to terms with her circumstances. And that was Dr. Wyatt's goal for the day.

"No. I'm not lying", Arizona whined. "I was shocked. I didn't expect to lose my leg so I was pretty damn surprised when I woke up missing one"

"You didn't expect to lose your leg?", Dr. Wyatt asked, her tone suspicious and curious all at once.

"No!", Arizona shouted, and here she thought that for once Dr. Wyatt wasn't going to get on her nerves. "Callie promised me she was going to save it and I believed her"

Dr. Wyatt pulled her body up – oh this was going to be good. "Arizona, when you made your wife swear to save your leg, how aware were you of your condition?"

"I was aware", Arizona gave Dr. Wyatt another puzzled look; she didn't appreciate the woman's tone, her smugness or the direction she was leading her to. "I knew I was at risk of losing my leg and I also knew Callie was my only hope"

"So you _did _know you were going to lose your leg?", Dr. Wyatt flashed Arizona with a victorious grin. Like taking candy from a baby…

_Crap she's good_, Arizona cursed mentally. "Yeah but –"

"And you still made Callie promise to save it? Even though you knew your leg wasn't salvageable?"

Arizona paused for a moment. She knew she was in a bad shape…_she knew_. But Callie…Callie was different. The woman was a genius with a scalpel! She was a rockstar! Arizona had complete and utter trust in her wife. If Callie couldn't help her, than who could?

"Arizona you are a brilliant and talented surgeon. You knew your leg couldn't be saved", the older woman's tone was more understanding now.

Dr. Wyatt empathized with her patient. It couldn't have been easy to put your entire trust in someone that you love, and then have that person fail you. The psychologist understood why Arizona was still so hurt over the loss of her leg. But Arizona's view of the situation was very much one – sided. It was a natural and human reaction – but it prevented Arizona from moving forward. Dr. Wyatt was simply trying to open Arizona's eyes, and show her Callie's side of the story. Because as hard as the last year was on Arizona – Callie had to fight through the challenges as well.

"Then why did I make Callie promise to save it?", Arizona asked timidly; she was getting a little confused by the abrupt realization.

A smiled formed on the older woman's face, "I don't know, you tell me"

Dr. Wyatt's expression remained hard as a rock but inside – the woman was having a little dance party. Finally! She got through the stubborn blonde. And that was something worth celebrating, for sure.

While the older woman was feeling good about herself, Arizona took another moment to think. She was a brilliant and talented surgeon. And she knew her leg wasn't salvageable. Even before they returned to Seattle, even as she lay on the wet and dirty ground in the woods – Arizona knew she was going to lose her leg, one way or the other. As a surgeon she knew, but as a person? As a wife? Arizona still hung to the wish that Callie could have saved her from an amputation.

It wasn't a very fair request – begging Callie to save the leg. And it certainly put the brunette in an uncomfortable position. Callie too, probably knew deep down that Arizona was heading for a life of disability but she couldn't bring herself to say no. Not with Arizona crying and pleading for her help and protection. So Arizona put her absolute trust and faith in the thought that her wife would save her and Callie had agreed to do everything in her power to make sure Arizona would one day stand on both legs. It was wrong of her to make that promise to Arizona; however Callie had the purest intentions at heart.

"I was desperate I guess…", Arizona admitted. "I didn't know what else to do. I mean she's Callie - she's my wife. She was the only one I could trust…I had no one else to rely on"

"Arizona do you understand that Callie let them amputate your leg in order to save your life?", Dr. Wyatt fired back.

"As a doctor or –"

"Do you understand that Callie chose to amputate your leg in order to save your life?", the older woman repeated once more, her voice stern and demanding.

"Yes", Arizona confessed. By the time Arizona had gotten to Seattle, the infection in her leg was too severe and without an amputation she would've died. Callie made the right call and it was time for Arizona to accept that.

"Then why are you so mad at her?", the psychologist asked thoughtfully.

There it was – the million dollar question. And Arizona wasn't quite sure she had the answer for it yet.

"It's not about the leg", Arizona pointed out.

"No it's not", Dr. Wyatt agreed.

The blonde's eyes lowered to her lap. And she couldn't help but wonder if the roles had been reversed – if Callie was at risk of losing a limb and Arizona was the one in charge – were she to do the same? Arizona didn't know.

It wasn't about the leg. Maybe at first it was, but after a year, Arizona learned to live with her disability to a point where she hardly ever noticed it anymore. But Arizona could never forget the way Callie had violated her. The way Callie let her down.

Arizona was taught to be strong. She came from a family of Marine soldiers – she was taught to be strong and brave and fearless. The perky attitude? It was a guise, a mask. Because any other emotion - sadness, anger, fear – was a sign of vulnerability and that was off limits. Arizona was a private person and she didn't trust people easily. But when she did? The blonde made sure those people were worth trusting; that those people were worth getting close to. Callie was once that person. As hard as it was for Arizona to put her guards down and love someone to the fullest - when she really loved, Arizona loved the hardest and the deepest. For the first time in their relationship, Arizona was the one in need for help. And Callie had failed her. Arizona put every remainder hope in Callie – the person that she loved and trusted the most – and Callie let her down. So automatically, Arizona shut her wife out. It was an instinct.

"Arizona, what are you thinking about?", the psychologist asked after a long pause.

"She gave up on me", the words just slipped out of Arizona's mouth without a warning. "We've been through a lot, Callie and I. I've been by her side for years and I supported her, tragedy after tragedy. I was there when her parents disowned her, when she lost her job, when her ex – husband died. I was even there to comfort her when Mark died. And the one time I needed her, she failed me. She gave up", Arizona's voice trembled with emotion as tears began to make their way down her cheeks, "I'm mad that it took her four days to find me. And I'm mad that she couldn't protect me. She wasn't there when I needed her the most and even after I lost my leg she wasn't _really_ there…she just gave up"

Arizona gladly accepted the piece of tissue paper Dr. Wyatt had handed her. She felt so dumb – crying in her psychologist's office. Could she be more of a cliché?

"Callie chose to save your life. To me that shows she didn't give up on you. To me that shows she _fought_ for you", Dr. Wyatt pointed out, her voice warm and comforting.

Arizona looked up and faced her psychologist; her bright blue eyes all puffy and red with tears. Callie has fought for her. Callie had promised to save Arizona's leg, even when she knew that was impossible. She knew it was impossible but she at least tried because that was her wife's life on the table. Callie agreed to act against her wife's wishes, while knowing that it was the only way to save her; but also while knowing that perhaps Arizona would never trust her again. Callie was there when Arizona was depressed and refused to get out of bed, and Callie was there when Arizona was struggling to live as an amputee, and Callie was there when Arizona was so consumed with nothing but anger and anguish. And yes, Callie has made some mistakes. But they were all reasonable - she had to get used to a whole new Arizona.

Callie broke one promise, but she also lived up to so many others. She promised to be there for Arizona for better or for worse – and she has. She promised Arizona to be there in sickness and in health – and she has. She promised to love and protect their daughter – _and she has_.

Callie fought for Arizona. But could Arizona say the same about herself?

* * *

"Dammit", a muffled whimper escaped from the blonde's mouth.

Arizona sat on her bed, her shoulders slouched and her palms curled into fists - her leg was hurting. It wasn't exactly phantom pain; Arizona had an active day at work and her leg was sore from running around and standing for hours.

It was a bit silly, but Arizona still felt like she had something to prove. She felt the need to show her colleagues that being an amputee didn't make her any less of a surgeon and that it couldn't stop her from performing complex or long surgeries. Arizona knew it was all in her head; she was still insecure about her leg and was way over thinking about what other people might have to say. Being an amputee _didn't_ make Arizona any less of a surgeon, but it did require her to slow down every now and then and take a break. Most of the time it didn't really bother Arizona, but on long days such as today, it did. Arizona didn't like to be reminded of her disability.

"Arizona, did you see Riley's soccer shoes – ", Callie entered the room.

Arizona turned her back to the door so Callie wouldn't be able see her face. It was bad enough that she has been crying like a little girl and she didn't want her wife to see her like that too.

"Hey…", Callie took a few steps closer towards the bed, "You okay?"

Arizona wiped her tears in nonchalance, "yeah no I'm just…I'm good", she then looked at Callie and forced a smile on her face.

"No…you're in pain", the brunette pointed out. Arizona could smile all she wanted to but it was obvious she's been crying and her body was twitching in pain.

"It's fine…", Arizona waved her hand, gesturing to Callie that she was overreacting.

"You want me to take a look?", Callie offered.

"No no, I'm good"

Callie sighed in frustration. What was Arizona's deal? Why couldn't she understand that it was okay to ask for help? It bothered Callie that Arizona was still so resistant around her; both because Arizona was her wife and because Callie truly knew how to help her, from a professional perspective. As an orthopedic surgeon, Callie worked with amputees on a regular basis; she performed amputations on a regular basis. Callie knew how to help Arizona, but the blonde refused to acknowledge that.

"Well I might be able to help if –"

"Callie, I said I'm fine", Arizona cut Callie off, her voice rising in annoyance. How many times could she say no? She appreciated Callie's concern but the brunette needed to back off. "I'm good, really"

Callie rolled her eyes and began making her way until she knelt before Arizona. That woman didn't get to push her away, not anymore.

"What are you doing?", Arizona asked.

The brunette smiled, "I'm an orthopedic surgeon and I'm your wife, let me help"

Arizona swallowed and her expression softened, "no Callie don't"

It was then when Callie noticed the shame and fear in Arizona's eyes. The blonde was embarrassed. She didn't like that Callie saw her crying and she didn't like that Callie caught her in a moment of weakness. But there was another reason, one that Callie has just realized. Arizona was still insecure about anything that had to do with her physical appearance. Her body had changed and she was still getting used to seeing one leg while looking at herself through the mirror. But of course to Callie it didn't matter. Arizona was still her beautiful wife…even with one leg.

"I know what I'm doing", Callie's smile grew even bigger and her voice was full of love and understanding, "Let me help"

Plastic sockets and liners weren't exactly attractive. Stumps and scars…weren't attractive. And Arizona knew she was being shallow and that she should have given Callie more credit than that. They've been married for years and Callie wasn't with Arizona just for her appearance. But still, what if Callie would be repulsed by Arizona "new" body? What if they would never be intimate again?

Arizona kept telling herself that she was exaggerating. She and Callie weren't ready to regain their sexual relationship just yet; they were taking baby steps. In the meantime, Arizona found herself enjoying small forms of affection with Callie; it wasn't much, a casual hug or a quick kiss on the cheek, but Arizona could tell that it meant a lot to her wife. They both missed the more physical side of their relationship, though getting to know each other and relearning each other, was quite pleasing as well. Not to mention an important step in recovering their marriage.

Arizona looked at her wife and nodded in agreement. She didn't want Callie to help, she didn't want her wife to see her like that, but Callie wasn't going to give up. Arizona had no choice.

"Okay", Callie stated cheerfully, "now take your pants off"

Arizona jerked in surprise, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me", Callie chuckled, obviously amused by her wife's reaction, "take you pants off"

Arizona rolled her eyes and huffed dramatically. Callie just kept staring at her in anticipation and so the blonde obeyed and began pulling her sweatpants down. God, the things Callie was making her do. Callie folded Arizona's pants and rested them on the bed. She then pushed the release button on the very end of Arizona's prosthetic, and took the object off.

"Wait, what are you doing!?", Arizona shouted; she tried to object but Callie had already removed her prosthetic and placed the leg on the floor, "Why did you take it off?"

"Look at me", Callie demanded; though her voice remained gentle and sympathetic.

Arizona didn't say anything, but instead turned her head away in shame. Every time she looked down and saw the pink, almost unnoticeable scar, her body cringed. That scar was barely even visible but to Arizona it was one bold reminder of the four horrific days she spent in the woods. And that reminder was there…when she woke up, when she got dressed, when she went to take a shower. Arizona was always reminded.

"Arizona…", Callie placed her hand over the blonde's and squeezed it, "Look at me"

"What?", Arizona turned her head to Callie, her lips pouting and her eyebrows furrowing in irritation.

"I'm going to put my hand on your leg, okay?", Callie asked rhetorically. Arizona's frown wasn't intimidating her and she could tell that Arizona's resistance stemmed out of insecurity. When Arizona turned her head away? – It nearly broke Callie's heart. Arizona was beautiful, just the way she was and Callie wished her wife could just see that.

"Don't…", Arizona whispered with a broken voice.

"Just…", Callie tilted her head and gave her wife a reassuring nod, "let me try. If you'll feel uncomfortable, then I'll stop"

Arizona shut her eyes and sighed heavily, "fine"

Callie placed one of her hands over Arizona's thigh. The blonde gasped and moaned in pain; it almost felt like someone was stabbing her or pressing something heavy against her leg. Callie placed her other hand on Arizona, and began massaging her limb. The brunette used the lightest pressure, for fearing she might hurt her wife and cause her to resist.

"Is that okay?", Callie asked.

"Umm hmm", Arizona sighed in relief.

Arizona opened her eyes and looked at her wife. Callie's hands felt good. The brunette's eyes were fixated downwards as she chewed on her button lip in concentration. It was super cute, actually. Though Callie was so focused that she didn't notice the dreamy look Arizona wore or the goofy smile she had on her face.

"Arizona you need to start taking better care of yourself. Residual limbs get sore and it's okay to take a break every now and then…", Callie brought her gaze up to Arizona, "we all take breaks, you know"

Arizona chuckled, "I know…"

Callie smiled at her wife, but continued massaging her. Her hands were getting tired, but she could tell that Arizona was starting to feel better and so she didn't mind to put a little more effort.

"Calliope?", Arizona said softly.

Callie froze. Did Arizona just? Not that it was a big deal or anything; Callie hated being called by her full name. Funnily enough she did miss the way Arizona used to say it.

"Hmm?", the brunette finally said, her firm tone attempting to cover up her excitement. She didn't want to make a scene, it probably just slipped off and Arizona didn't even notice she just called her "Calliope", right?

Arizona smiled; she loved how Callie was trying to be all cool and composed. The blonde cupped her wife's cheeks and leaned forwards. She then gently pressed her lips against Callie's and pulled back.

"Thank you", Arizona said, her eyes still linked to Callie's.

"Uh…", Callie cleared her throat, "umm you're welcome?"

It was probably the shortest kiss they ever shared, but all of the sudden Callie turned into a giggly and flustered school girl; her cheeks turned red and her heart pounded rapidly against her chest. She definitely didn't expect Arizona to do that. It's been a while since they…since they shared a kiss.

"No I…I mean…", Arizona stuttered nervously, "I mean thank you _for everything_"

"Oh..", the brunette replied simply. She wasn't sure where did _that_ come from, maybe Arizona was just in a good mood?

Callie laughed awkwardly as she handed Arizona her pants and helped her put the prosthetic back on. She then shifted her position so she sat next to Arizona on the bed.

"What?", the blonde asked, after noticing the look Callie was giving her.

"No nothing…", Callie shrugged her shoulders, "if I knew that giving you a massage was all that it took for a kiss, then I would have offered you one a long time ago…", she teased.

Arizona laughed hesitantly; it felt good…kissing Callie. It felt _really_ good, amazing even. Arizona hasn't realized just how much she missed it. The blonde's bright blue eyes darkened in lust, as a mischievous smile formed on her face. She yanked Callie by her shirt collar and crashed their lips together into a hungry kiss. Callie's body jolted in surprise, for a moment there she didn't recognize the woman in front of her. Arizona was being almost a little aggressive. It was hot.

But before Callie had a chance to respond, she felt Arizona pulling away again – because Riley had just entered the room.

"What are you doing?", Riley asked suspiciously, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed.

"Umm uh…", Callie stammered, still a little out of breath after that…well whatever that was. Callie didn't like herself for it, but a part in her wanted to kick Riley right out of that room. The kid had an awful timing and she had just wrecked what was about to turn into one steamy make-out session. "We were just uh…"

"Mom was just helping me with something", Arizona held her laughter; in the corner of her eye she could see Callie shifting uncomfortably – it was too funny. Arizona definitely blindsided Callie with that kiss. Arizona kinda blindsided herself with that kiss too; she wasn't sure where the sudden surge of confidence came from. There was just something in the way Callie touched her, the way Callie's voice soothed her. Callie made Arizona feel safe. She made Arizona feel loved. And as it was hard for Arizona to love herself these days, it felt comforting to know that at least she was still loved by her wife.

"Did you find your soccer shoes sweetie?", Arizona attempted to change the subject.

"Yeah…they were under my bed", the girl replied, her eyes still narrowing in disbelief.

Riley wasn't sure what it was, but something was up with her moms. They were acting really weird. Well weirder than usual. Arizona was smiling from ear to ear, but in a self satisfied sort of way. Callie on the other hand, was blushing and chuckling sheepishly. The two of them looked seriously jumpy, like they were hiding something.

Riley didn't know what it was. But she could have sworn that she just saw her moms kissing…


End file.
